... to ask how much money your adult kids give?

[izimbra]

Adult daughter (24) living at home. Earns about 28K. What sort of contribution would you expect towards household expenses? Our house is so expensive to run, and our household budget is strained - I'm only working part time as I'm a carer for my adult son, and we have an 18 year old at university who we're supporting. My husband's income is keeping us all afloat. We don't charge our daughter rent and she doesn't save any money at all. In fact she has debts. She works full time, and is also studying for a degree with the OU.

20% of take home pay per month.

I'd probably reduce it down to 200pcm if I knew they were funnelling other money into deposit savings

My son was earning about £25k and paying £250 pcm and that included room/Sky TV Movies and Sports plus TMT sports, Amazon Prime and his mobile phone is included plus very fast internet we only got to support his gaming. That includes all food, laundry use, utilities and 1 takeaway each week.
He was saving hard towards his deposit. He had no debt. He's bought his own house now.

Ask her to pay for her own phone, car, food and toiletries then a nominal amount towards the utilities each month.

£500 a month if it includes food, bills + rent.
She's welcome to move out if she doesn't like it.
Yes she is working and studying BUT she has also incurred debt and can go to expensive countries on holiday. 100% guarantee she'll be able to do none of that living on her own.

That's far too much. It can't cost over £500 a month for a room that is already there and food.

You shouldn't be trying to make a profit from your own DC. £500 pcm is far too much.

It's not just about the expenses. it's about getting used to real life.
£500 is very very cheap. Even for the supposed 'chips as chips' erm deprived areas of the North East you'd be hard pressed to find a room below £400. That doesn't include food.

OP doesn't have to use all of it if she doesn't need it. But her daughter should be learning that life is expensive. She's 24, and can afford to go on holiday to expensive places she can afford to pay the real cost of things.

When I still lived at home while working full time I paid for my own food shopping & a % towards gas & electric. My parents always said this was because if I left those were the only bills that would actually change, the house costs what it costs rent/mortgage regardless of your DD being there, your wifi/Sky etc. However this was on the condition that we (DH & I) were saving for a mortgage, which we were, so we moved out into our own home at 22 having been able to save massively throughout that time.

She isn't taking home 24k+ on a 28k job. Her deductions will be more than 4kpa

My son is 21 and earns £2000pm, He pays The council tax bill and buys his own breakfasts and lunches, I cook him a dinner every evening.

Very nice. Most households can't afford to treat their adult employed children to an extended childhood - they have to pay their way and contribute

To the OP - I'd be asking for a minimum of £400 a month on that salary. She's taking the piss..

Amazed at the responses.

I never moved back home after university but siblings did and they didn’t pay anything. It was assumed that they needed to keep their pay so that they could build up savings and move back out sooner!

Also @caringcarer my parents would never have charged me but I'd have offered. I'm also excellent with money. I budget carefully and don't fling it about needlessly. I grew up poor though and things only became better in my mid-teens so I'm very careful to secure my future.
DH however spends money - well, not like water. But doesn't really think long-term. We had the same starting salary but he choose to rent a 2 bed flat, I took a shared room and he was then surprised I had thousands more in the bank. Didn't need a genius to work it out.

Of course OP's daughter is doing well, working and doing a PT degree she should be commended for trying to better herself. But having so much free spending money doesn't set you up well for budgeting. Better for her to have that attitude now compared to getting a shock upon moving out (well, if she chooses to move out!).

If she was saving I'd take a different stance on it.

If you don't start charging her, even if you decide to save it and give it back to her as a deposit for her own place, then she will be there for a very long time. If she can't manage on 28k with no bills she will never learn to manage her money in order to be able to move out.
I don't understand parents who won't charge their children to live at home as it isn't helping them learn to be self sufficient.

I agree with it for a while so they learn it but if life is expensive why not encourage her to save up for a deposit or do that for her with her money? You’re just disadvantaging your kid. Other parents from different backgrounds don’t do it as much and their kids get the homes on mortgage because their parents encouraged them to save while your kids are renting. Jfc I pay rent (hallved with a friend), pay our gas and electricity, pay our water and still get to go on holidays. Because we don’t have kids!

But that's the thing they might not.
Loads of DH's mates still live at home. They can afford their own place but don't want to.
Why would they.... then they'd have to pay rent, council tax and utilities. Living at home paying nothing they can spend as they like. These men are late 20's to early 30's.
When you have no actual expenses it's possible to save AND spend outrageously. Because most people have to balance 3 things essentials, savings and then fun. These people only have two.

If it's too comfortable why would they want to leave?

I always charge mine £2-300pcm including theirs phones and to cover council tax, utilities and food.

My 20 year old son works the same job as me. We earn exactly the same amount (and its minimum wage).
He gives me £80 a week. Originally it was £50 a week but he upped it himself as I pay all the bills/mortgage out of my wages.

I was paying £120 12 years ago when in part time work at 18!

Er I think you've misunderstood me.
What did you think 'OP doesn't have to use all of it if she doesn't need it.' meant? Where did I say anything about kicking her out and forcing her to rent?

If OP doesn't need the money then she should put it aside for her daughter. That is what the above sentence meant as your reading comprehension skills don't seem great. My point is the daughter needs to know how expensive life is. And learn not to fritter her money away on unnecessary things. Debts (presumably not for studying?) and expensive holidays?

That is why OP should charge her a reasonable amount of 'rent' so she learns. If daughter think that is U she can move out. but that's not the OP forcing her. That's her own choice.

£200 per month (on fairly low wages) which covers their share of bills but not food which they shop and pay for themselves. They also save something and still have enough fun money left.

She has debts but she's managed two (expensive) holidays this year?! Sorry, that is insane. Even if she didn't have debts, she shouldn't be going on two expensive holidays a year if she's not even paying rent/her keep.

She's taking you for a mug.

Even if you didn't need the money she should be contributing. She is an adult and quite frankly I'm shocked she has never offered!

At 24, I was earning £1.8K a month. I gave my parents £500 as I lived at home. It covered all my food and my contribution to the bills.

Please tell me she at the very least pays for her own phone, car, car costs?

I think £400 to £500 per month is reasonable really.
You may want to consider putting some of this money aside in a separate account for her for when she leaves home.

My dd pays £400 per month