... to ask how much money your adult kids give?

[izimbra]

Adult daughter (24) living at home. Earns about 28K. What sort of contribution would you expect towards household expenses? Our house is so expensive to run, and our household budget is strained - I'm only working part time as I'm a carer for my adult son, and we have an 18 year old at university who we're supporting. My husband's income is keeping us all afloat. We don't charge our daughter rent and she doesn't save any money at all. In fact she has debts. She works full time, and is also studying for a degree with the OU.

We don't charge our adult kids anything because we want them to be able to save up for the future. They are both very sensible with money and run their cars. We can afford to support them.

My niece is on £25k and gives her DM £500 a month. She also saves £500 a month towards a deposit on her first home.

However, she doesn't know that the £500 a month she gives her DM is also going into saving for a deposit, along with the £500 her BF pays to live there too.

Son paid £300 per month when he was here for a year working to save up for his Masters (age 22). Much cheaper than a room anywhere else, and with all bills, food etc thrown in.

That meant we both benefited from the arrangment, although the only benefit for me was that it wasn't costing me money to have him live here.

I believe that fully paying for adult children infantilises them anyway, and that can't be good for anyone. but 'adulthood' for me doesn't begin until they finish full time education.

It's certainly not on to have a freeloader in the house when everyone else is struggling.

My brother and his fiancee plus son live with our parents. Earn about £140k between them. Parents do all before and after school childcare for their son.
They're in their late 30s. They contribute nothing.

Parents don't mind because they're saving to buy a house.

My other siblings and I feel annoyed by it, even though technically it has nothing to do with any of us.

What is 25% of the household costs? That's what she should be paying. You can adjust down if it's viable.

Tell her you've given her a free ride so far but you can't afford the bills. If she isn't willing to start paying her way you need to look at getting a lodger in so she needs to find somewhere else to live.

At that age I was earning 15k and paying a third of the household outgoings.

18 yr ds pays me £300 every 4 weeks
Not every calendar month. Covers his food and electricity plus extra council tax now I no longer get the 25 per cent discount.

He earns c 22k and still manages to save well. He will be covering driving lessons and a car next year too. Once he starts paying car insurance though I will lower his contribution to £250. As car insurance for young drivers is exorbitant.

You're an adult earning a reasonable wage? Why do you feel you should wait until an emergency before you contribute to the roof over your head and the food on your table?

On her salary £400 per month is not unreasonable. Here a room in a house share is £600, without food. You are in fact still keeping her, at her age it's very unfair.

It doesn't matter what any of us would do OP because we're all in different situations. Some are minted and wipe their kids arses so they can get in housing ladders, some take it and save for same thing, some just take a peppercorn amount. Gives kids a shock when they're in the world on their own paying out for the first time when they dont pay their way.

Ask her for 100 quid a week because you can't afford to sub her anymore. Or she's welcome to get her own place. Stop pussyfooting around it

My goodness. She’s working . Charge her rent money . You are not in a position to support her living for free. If she doesn’t line it she can move out and pay rent and bills to a landlord .

I never understand why adult children think they can live off their parents. Madness .

When ds1 was that age and earned a similar amount he paid me £250 p/m, I think. That included all the bills (including streaming services, council tax etc) and food, which considering he eats multiple chicken breasts a day, isn't cheap.

He moved out for 18 months or so, discovered that it cost 4 times that just for the rent of a studio flat in our area, and asked if he could move back in 😂

He still lives here at the age of 27, pays £400 p/m and is aware of what a bargain it is.

I don't think it's healthy for parents to carry on funding their adult children's lifestyles entirely- the fact that your daughter has had two quite expensive holidays this year and is in debt, despite paying nothing towards regular household expenses, indicates that she has no money management skills whatsoever.

You should be charging her a minimum of £200 p/m, imo- not just for the contribution to her living expenses but to teach her that fun things sometimes just have to wait.

Now ds is paid monthly I will ask for monthly £300. Instead of every 4 weeks! He was getting paid weekly but is now permanent.

25% of her take home pay would be a bargain. As an adult she can always move out into the real world if she doesn’t like it.

@Libertyy

I don't understand. In one post you say you pay nothing and that your father provides. Then you say you split rent with a friend and pay gas/electricity etc?

You know there's a word to describe adults who don't pay their way. I don't know how anyone can say that with a straight face.

Well, that's super-helpful to the OP. I'm sure she's grateful.🙄

@Allthingsdecember

It seems a bit off to support one child financially through university whilst charging the other one because she chose to get a job (or did she get the same help at 18 and is now doing further study?).

A 24 year old with a full time job and a disabled 18 year old are not comparable.

If she is not serious saving for a house deposit or further study, then I think a proportionate contribution is very reasonable. I’ve always felt uncomfortable with parents changing their children rent, but if there are four of you in the house (if I’ve read that right) then 1/4 of bills and food sounds about right. For her sake, a supportive conversation about money and debt sounds helpful too - she can’t run up debt on holidays, etc, it’s just daft.

@izimbra it's definitely sensible and not unreasonable to charge her rent, especially as it sounds like she needs to learn a little bit about budgeting order (in short: needs before wants). She should be paying her way to you, her bills (eg mobile, travel to work), clearing her debts, and saving, before she has more holidays etc!

How much she pays depends on how much it costs to keep her, but at least £250 would be a reasonable start point!

She's not saving though, she's blowing the lot. It's not doing adult kids any favours by giving them a free ride so they don't learn to budget for life in the real world.

OK, I'd charge £500. And I'd get her to save £500 towards deposit.

She's taking you for fools. And.if she doesn't like it, she can move out.

My 24 year old bought a house, with money he'd be saving whilst at uni etc. He, and his brother, left home at 18 to go to uni. They paid their way through uni, and if they wanted to live at home after, I would have charged them.25% minimum.

I don't understand why you would let a working adult live for free whilst you struggle, or why the working adult hasn't started paying you, even without being asked? Does she have no financial awareness?

We have one adult dd at home. She pays 1/3rd of all household bills: gas, electricity, broadband and food. Comes to approx £250 per month, but she is earning less than your dd.

I paid £200 a month when I was 17 and working a part-time job. Moved out when I was 24

This. By charging her, you're teaching her that adult life has costs. She's been traveling, eating out and not saving to move out. Meanwhile you're scraping to get by.

I'd charge 1/4 of the bills, 20% of her take-home, or 4-500/month. A substantial amount means she'll be looking to move out sooner rather than enjoying a free ride for the next 5 years.

I wouldn’t charge her rent but I’d work out how much the utility and food bills and divide it by the number of people and then charge her for just what she is using.

If she moved out would you be considerately better off?

As tbh it sounds like you would struggle financially even if she wasn’t there and so I think a longer term plan needs to be put in place.