... to ask how much money your adult kids give?

[izimbra]

Adult daughter (24) living at home. Earns about 28K. What sort of contribution would you expect towards household expenses? Our house is so expensive to run, and our household budget is strained - I'm only working part time as I'm a carer for my adult son, and we have an 18 year old at university who we're supporting. My husband's income is keeping us all afloat. We don't charge our daughter rent and she doesn't save any money at all. In fact she has debts. She works full time, and is also studying for a degree with the OU.

£200 per month would be fair and more than cover her costs of living with you.

Out of curiosity, I’m your kids’ age and I was wondering how would you expect your kids to save up for a deposit to mortgage a house if you’re asking for massive contributions?

My 23 year old pays me £250 per month and has saved 40k towards a deposit.

I'd ask her to pay £400 per month in rent. I'd also suggest she pays into Lifetime ISA to say a deposit as she won't be able to build up enough to move out otherwise.

@Libertyy I'm really confused by your posts as you've posted previous to the one quoted above how you are the adult child and you pay nothing as your father provides for you.
Can you clarify? Not meaning to offended just totally confused by what you are posting.
Fwiw to OP your dc needs to be paying you rent if she can afford expensive hols she can afford rent. She is having a laugh.

My adult children used to pay 15% of their take home.

I now share with my eldest daughter who is disabled and I work full time. We pay the same percentage of our income into the bills pot. That way it is her home too- she is not living at her Mum's.

My 20 something professional earning sons pay me £280 a month each. It started out a few years ago at £50 a week but has gone up a couple of times in line with inflation. This money is considered a contribution towards food costs and household bills. I am sure they appreciate how lightly they have got off and would pay more if asked to, but I don't want to appear to be making money from them and want them to build up as much of a deposit as they are able to so they can eventually buy their own home.

I think you should charge her £450 a month and put £150 in a savings account towards her moving out costs (for when she does)

£450 is bugger all when it factors in rent, food and bills- if she isn't paying anything I can't see why she is getting through her money

My ds is nearly 21. He pays £200 which we both agreed on. I buy all of his toiletries still including razors but he’s really good if I need to borrow money as I always pay I’m back ( im disabled and i have dd (12) who has autism and severe anxiety ) and he’s really good to her too.
he eats like a horse so it’s pretty good value imo 😊

I do half and half a lot of the time due to my younger sibling having a serious condition. So when I’m home as normal I don’t pay towards anything, the other place is my own rented home with a friend which I do of course pay for but that was mainly because I needed to help her find a place

DS1 gives me £200/month towards groceries - he works part time for NMW and is saving for his final year at uni. But I work full time and have no mortgage.

He also pays for meals out when we go somewhere.

10 years ago I paid £80 a month when earning £20k. My parents didn’t need the money though, I would have given more if they needed it.

@Libertyy that makes sense then I can understand you not paying rent if you are helping out with your younger sibling. You sound like a great sister to help out like you do whilst having to maintain rent and bills on your own place.
I do think tho that OPs child bringing home 2k should contribute something to the household as this isn't teaching her how to budget at all and as OP said she could make use of that money.

Sounds like you need to teach your dd about finances if she is in debt and not even paying rent! I would say get her to contribute 500 a month....she is lucky she can still live at home. She should contribute and rein in her spending on clothes.

My 23yo who is working full time pays £300 a month for her share. I'm a single parent and her younger sisters are in education so need her contribution to afford everything.

25% of all the utility bills, overheads (like buildings and contents insurance) and groceries. Plus a small contingency for wear and tear.

Her presence incurs actual costs. She is earning. You are struggling.

Show her the bills and have a reasonable conversation.

Well its not a massive contribution in my case. It was a small contribution.
I also expect them to save towards a deposit but also in our case we will give them a contribution to their deposit when the time comes.
We run a business. Our kids know the value of money from the kitchen table.
Every home is diff but I don't know anyone who wld say a working adult shldnt contribute if it's needed. That's just taking the piss in any world.

"Adult daughter (24) living at home. Earns about 28K."
I would expect her to contribute 25% of her take-home pay.

"We don't charge our daughter rent and she doesn't save any money at all. In fact she has debts. She works full time, and is also studying for a degree with the OU."
That's extremely poor money management on her part, isn't it? No living costs, her entire income being treated by her as her childhood pocket money. Why don't you charge her dig money? It's frankly not helping anyone. It's not helping your household budget as you are subsiding her and - you can't afford to. It's not helping her, as she continues to live a childish life. She doesn't pay her own way and she's not saving for her future - living in the moment , as a child does.

You need to have a sit-down serious talk about money, her financial/domestic future, and start charging her dig money. You're doing her no favours, letting her think she's still a child at 24.

So you'd wrack up credit debt and live on crap food so your kid earning 28k can have two holidays a year? Your child doesn't need you to martyr yourself when they're fully working adults

@izimbra everyone's financial situations are different and so you will get all sorts of comments here and some will make you feel like you shouldn't charge at all, ignoring completely your financial situation. £200 - £250 seems fair and it will teach your daughter the value of money, whilst not crippling her, and it will help you. I'm sure you do a lot to make her life comfortable. My son gives me that and earns way less because he knows that heating, laundry, ironing and food all cost.

It sounds like your DD is financially illiterate. You need to teach her. Give her a book to read like 'Dave Ramsey-Total Money Makeover' or tell her to watch 'the humble penny channel' on YouTube. Or watch Martin Lewis Money Saving expert website or videos.

Then put conditions on her staying, eg

1. She contributes, split the utilities and groceries into equal shares minimum.
2. She pays off her debt like it's an emergency
3. Once this has occurred, she saves for a deposit like it's her next emergency

Don't take her word for it either, see the paperwork to ensure she is keeping her word.

If she won't show you or you don't trust her to stick to the plan, then charge her a nominal rent on top of utilities and groceries. Save this nominal rent for her, and when she wants to move out, give it back to her, for her deposit.

If she doesn't comply with the above terms, she is welcome to move out.

But be wary, even if your DS who is at Uni does have autism, and doesn't need the pressure of a job, be sure to enforce the same rules, if he comes back to live at home and works full time.

I don't think your DS should have gone to Uni full time, unless he was comfortable with the student debt, or you were in a comfortable financial position to support him. If not, he could have studied part time and worked part time, or explored other options like apprenticeships. Different treatment towards DD and DS will cause friction.

I would see how much it costs to run the house (mortgage not included) and divide by adults living there, and she can contribute that.

All the in no don't charge, your DD is taking the piss, Caribbean and Norway for holidays, afforded because she's living rent free whilst her parents support her.
Time for a frank conversation about her putting her hand in her pocket, she sounds incredibly entitled and selfish.

You cannot compare an OU degree (extremely flexible and designed for people working full-time) to a full-time Master's - especially a STEM subject at an RG it will be full on.

I've done both!

Also Master's students don't get that much holiday. The first year's usually spent on placement/internship (where they'll earn) and the second writing their dissertation!

I’d expect them to pay towards what they are costing me, so bills, food, run their own vehicles, phones & such. But my actual accommodation costs-mortgage or rent- no. Presumably I’d be paying that whether they lived with me or not

My parents charged me 100/week when I was on 26k. Although I've never met anyone else ever who has been charged so much. They did it to teach me the value of money.