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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to ask how much money your adult kids give?

193 replies

izimbra · 27/12/2023 13:18

Adult daughter (24) living at home. Earns about 28K. What sort of contribution would you expect towards household expenses? Our house is so expensive to run, and our household budget is strained - I'm only working part time as I'm a carer for my adult son, and we have an 18 year old at university who we're supporting. My husband's income is keeping us all afloat. We don't charge our daughter rent and she doesn't save any money at all. In fact she has debts. She works full time, and is also studying for a degree with the OU.

OP posts:
IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 27/12/2023 13:58

I charged my son for his share of the council tax plus £200 to cover his share of gas, electricity and water. The rest would be the same if he lived here or not.

Babyroobs · 27/12/2023 14:00

We have one adult ds ( aged 22) living with us. He probably earns about 25k. he doesn't contribute anything because he is saving for his own home. Then again we don't have a mortgage and he is at his gf's house a couple of nights a week. He has offered to pay board but as long as he is saving we don't charge him.
How on earth can your dd be savings nothing , she must be bringing home almost 2k a month ?

WonderingWanda · 27/12/2023 14:01

I'm going to say it again, other people might be able to afford not to charge their adult offspring, I'm sure you'd like to do that if you could but it sounds like you are struggling financially and she's living the life of Riley while you slave away and she's not really saving responsibly either. Definitely ask her to start contributing

Makkacakka · 27/12/2023 14:02

I gave £100 a month when I lived at home 10 years ago. Would have been a lower salary - below 20k back then!

Shewhobecamethesun · 27/12/2023 14:09

25% of her take home pay once uni has finished.

Pineapplewaves · 27/12/2023 14:09

So there are four adults living at home? Divide the household bills including food and rent by four and DD pays 1/4. 1/4 is her share and what she would have to pay if she were in a house share.

I was living in a shared flat when I was earning £28k and my share of the bills and rent was £400.00 a month, that was a few years ago.

You can't charge her towards your adult son that you care for or her sibling at university as they are your responsibility.

theweewestie · 27/12/2023 14:17

DS19 earns about £17000 in an apprenticeship and pays £160 a month.

That covers the loss of discount on my council tax, share of gas and electric, and some food. I still pay his mobile though.

Only us two in the house.

Pinkyyogapanties · 27/12/2023 14:19

12 years ago - earning £16k a year I paid £200 pcm and would buy most of my own food.

Unless my children were saving for deposit or something else I’d be thinking at 24 years old - £400pcm. A one bed flat is about 800pcm - CTax, bills, food - surely will be 1600 pcm!

Pinkyyogapanties · 27/12/2023 14:22

Also- if my son was earning 28k which take home is around 1900 / 2000 if want 600 . If I could afford to - I’d save 300 a month of that and give him it back when he needed it to move out for first month rent , deposit and furniture etc .
I wouldn’t let him know I was saving any until he left.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/12/2023 14:23

bridgetreilly · 27/12/2023 13:34

What would a room in a shared house in your town cost? I would charge £100 less than that.

Years ago now, but I charged dds (once graduated and earning) roughly half of what they’d have had to pay in a flatshare locally (rent only, no bills).

I really don’t think it does adult, earning dcs any favours to let them have free bed and board. Comes as that much more of a shock when they finally move out, and realise what a roof over your head, food and bills, actually cost.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/12/2023 14:24

She needs to start paying rent money to you , if she wants to keep on living in your house.

No it’s or buts.

it really is that simple.

TheChosenTwo · 27/12/2023 14:28

I’d get her to pay back her debts in as few months as possible and then whatever she was throwing at Paying that off I would be charging her as rent. And I mean like £500, not minimum payments of £23.65 a month for the next 6 years to pay it all back.

Doggymummar · 27/12/2023 14:29

I would charge what a room in shared house costs. That £800 where I am ( Brighton) but keep her food included in that so she is getting a deal still.

onlyconnect · 27/12/2023 14:29

My daughter gives £200pcm. She's 18 and working.
She thinks it's outrageous and doesn't think she should give anything. I have found from asking around that everyone tells me it's fine to get her to pay something but everyone has a reason why they haven't asked for anything from their own kids.

Christmassss · 27/12/2023 14:36

OP I’d be concerned about the lack of savings, I’ve said to my two similar aged DC that they have the chance of a lifetime to save, save, save. They still have a couple of holidays per year, a good social life and hobbies plus pay me some money towards bills etc.

TheLurpackYears · 27/12/2023 14:41

I would start by making a plan to get out of debt plus an affordable contribution to house hold expenses. When the debt is cleared she can decide if she is going to pay a fair contribution to living at home or use that money to move out and rent.

Allthingsdecember · 27/12/2023 14:44

It seems a bit off to support one child financially through university whilst charging the other one because she chose to get a job (or did she get the same help at 18 and is now doing further study?).

Could you charge her some ’rent’ and save it for her? That way she learns that she can’t spend all her wages, but isn’t indirectly subsidising you supporting her brother’s studies? Asking her to pay for her own food feels reasonable too.

fluffyduvetcover · 27/12/2023 14:44

Adult DD and GS pay half of all household bills and buy their own food. It's only me and them currently. I don't have a mortgage anymore otherwise I'd be asking for a contribution.
Every adult needs to contribute towards at least gas, electric and council tax of the property they live in imo

NotSorry · 27/12/2023 14:46

My 22-year-old pays £300 per month - also an additional monthly contribution to run the car, pays his own phone, petrol and gym membership - he's on about the same salary as your dc

MILTOBE · 27/12/2023 14:54

You're not doing her any favours by charging her nothing. She's in debt and is overspending.

I think £100 per week is reasonable.

Tbry · 27/12/2023 14:57

It’s always been the same when my DC has lived with me. A quarter of whatever his earnings are and it all always goes towards the increase in household bills and food, usually less than the actual cost.

Tanktanktank · 27/12/2023 14:58

I paid 1/4 of my take home pay as did a lot of my friends in the 1980’s. This was the norm back then.

id calculate something based on her take home pay costs of her living with you, see how that comes out based on 1/4. Even if you secretly save it to give back to her for a deposit for something it’s a life lesson worth learning.

mrsed1987 · 27/12/2023 14:59

I paid 150 a month, this was on the condition that I saved some alos towards a house deposit which did and moved out when I was 27. I was working full time from 22 on more than your daughter.

Libertyy · 27/12/2023 15:00

I’m the adult child and I don’t pay anything to my family. My father provides

Libertyy · 27/12/2023 15:00

I’d only be expected to contribute in emergencies

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