To be so angry at how FAT my back and boobs are

[FatBack2023]

I'm raging.
I absolutely HATE my body shape.
I HATE how FAT my back gets when I gain weight.
And my neck.
And my chin.
And my abdomen.
And my BOOBS!! OMG. I'm carrying around 2 great pendulous gargantuan breasts that get more huge with every extra pound of weight I gain.
And I absolutely HATE how easily I gain weight. I put weight on thunderously fast compared to other people.
Why is this?
I basically have to sub exist on 1,200 cals a day to maintain my weight. If I go over this, my weight rapidly increases but it increases in an accelerated way. I put so much weight on so fast, it's completely disproportionate to the extra calories I eat. If I eat 2,000 cals a day for a few weeks, I gain 1 stone in weight. And my back, neck, chin, breasts and tummy BALLOON.
At the end of November, after maintaining my weight with 1,200 cals all year, the Christmas festivities began and I thought, I'm going to let myself go over 1,200 cals for the next month, and eat & drink Christmas things. So I've indulged. But I've carried on tracking (I use nutracheck) and I have stayed below 2,000 cals most days for the past month, but there have been days when I've gone up to 2,400. But interestingly, looking back at my tracking over the past month, on those days where I've gone above 2,000 cals a day, I've naturally eaten a lot less the following day without consciously thinking about it, back down to 1,500 or 1,200 for a day.
Anyway, over the past month, yes I've had mince pies. Yes I've had cake. Yes I've had trifle. Yes I've had biscuits. Wine. Roast dinners. I confess, I have indulged. But not all the time. And not everyday. I've also had home made vegetable soups and salads. And some days I've barely eaten anything. Some days I've had 1 meal only and tracked 800 cals for the whole day. I haven't just eaten Christmas foods all day every day. But yes I have had those foods over the past month. And still tracked every single thing.
And I have gained 18 POUNDS in weight in 1 month!!!!
And it's all gone on my back and boobs and chin and tummy.
I can literally grab handfuls of fat on my UPPER BACK!!
And my bra is too tight!!
And my chin has 2 pound of lard wobbling about under it when I talk!
And my tummy looks like I'm pregnant!!
But the worst thing of all is my back, it is covered in fat! My upper back fat rolls onto my lower back fat.
OMG. I look horrendous.
I feel horrendous.
Meanwhile my legs, bum, hips and arms remain completely unchanged, no extra ounce of fat anywhere on these areas.
I look like I've put a fatsuit onto my central body, like a fatsuit bodywarmer jacket, leaving my arms and legs as normal.
It's aging too....I look years older with all this extra weight.
Oh help.
How have I gained soooo much weight in only 1 month? I'm sure this isn't normal??
Why does it all go onto my back, boobs and tummy?
Why can't I eat the things other people eat??
Why have I put on 18 pounds in 1 month rather than just a few pounds?
I hate my body right now!!!
I'm 45, 5ft 7, and right now I weigh 15 stone.
1 month ago I weighed 13 stone 10.

You took the words right off of my fingertips. This sounds like it has a medical component to it. Possibly hypothyroidism, that's the most common, but there are other factors, as well. There are also some genetic markers for weight gain.

If you had truly been having 1200 a day you would have lost steadily.
Can you share what you’re eating and when?

Or maybe you’re not as huge as you think. We are our own worst critics.

Have you considered the Zoe health study? No calorie counting - just a different way of looking at food . It has been a game changer for me.

I am 43 and eat a lot more than 1400 calories a day. But I never someone put weights easily. I do lots of exercise but I don’t do it for maintaining my weight.
1200 calories too extremely low and it needs to change. I agree with other posters saying too low calories creat other problems and cause more weight problems in the future.
I have a good diet and don’t drink alcohol much. Also mostly drink water.
also I don’t drink calories I eat calories 🙈

Thanks everyone.
Sorry I haven't replied sooner, been busy hosting relatives staying with us.
Some of these replies say I'm miscalculating my intake, but I'm not. I use nutracheck which is brilliant at calculations. I find it quite patronising to suggest I'm calculating calories wrong. It's not hard to weigh and measure food then enter it in to nutracheck.
Also, I have literally gained 18 pounds in 1 month.
Based on the maths of having to eat 3,500 extra calories to gain an extra 1 pound in weight, I haven't eaten 3,500 (cals) x 18 (pounds) which totals 63,000 additional calories on top of my normal intake over the past month, which is the why I'm so angry and confused.
63,000 calories ÷ 30 days = 2,100 calories every day in addition to my normal calories.
So 3,300 cals DAILY for a month??? No way have I eaten this! I've tracked and calculated it all!

@FatBack2023 did you just want to vent? Or are you actually interested in other people's experience and suggestions?

You make no mention of your health, your exercise or menopause stage.

@FatBack2023
What is your energy expenditure like ?
1200 cals is very little calories for anyone to exist on unless advised for health reasons. Have you spoke to a doctor?
I ask about your energy expenditure because if you want to lose weight your energy output/activity level should be more that what you consume.
Sometimes an online coach can help 🌟good luck

Op. You need to see your doctor. People are struggling with how you’re putting on the weight without actually eating the food. If that’s the case, you need to see a doctor and urgently. As it cannot be fat only fluid. You can’t gain fat withiut consuming the calories, it’s not humanly possible

many things can make us “gain weight” , but the reality of that weight gain is it made us hungrier or more sedentary, made us retain fluid. There is no way round the fact if you don’t put the food in, you can’t gain fat.

there is something overall very wrong. You maintain at nearly 14 stone normally by not eating enough to do that, ie on 1200 cals a day or less, and now you are gaining weight very fast, also without eating anywhere close enough to do that.

only a doctor can help , they will need to run tests to understand why you’re holding so much fluid.

To answer questions....
I'm not sedentary. I am walking around all day long, every day, both in my job which requires movement and activity, and when I'm at home as I dont stop running round after my young kids and doing endless housework.
I go for a 40 minute brisk pace walk 5 x weekly.
I go for a 5 mile brisk pace walk twice weekly.

Other than that, I don't do any other type of exercise. But I rarely sit down.
I stopped my period a year ago. Have had no menopause symptoms. I just didn't have a period one month and it never returned.
No diagnosed health conditions.
Had blood tests 2 months ago for feeling tired a lot of the time, all normal including thyroid and glucose. GP refused to test hormone levels.
Interestingly, 13 years ago I saw a Gynaecologist for infertility after 18 months of trying to conceive who told me he was certain I had PCOS and arranged for a surgical procedure to investigate this, I got a date for the procedure but then out of the blue I suddenly conceived and was pregnant by the date of my procedure. So it was cancelled, I went on to have 2 children and I've never re-explored this. So it's interesting that people have mentioned PCOS but how does this make you gain excessive amounts of weight?

I am sorry if anything I said was patronising.

I have been very overweight and know how irritating some advice can be, particularly when you think they're wrong.

But I also know what I told people and told myself. I genuinely believed it at the time. But two years ago I faced up to things, lost 6 stone and have kept it off so far.

So if I was your friend I'd be listening to you vent, telling you you look great, telling you that it's unfair. But on an anonymous forum where it is ok to be honest, and since you seem to be asking for help, I would say that - once gp has ruled out a thyroid issue - you are underestimating in some way. Nutracheck is only as good as what you put in. You are putting in a portion of cereal when you ate more than a portion, or forgetting milk in drinks, or having chest days that wreck the past five days of healthy eating.

The last thing I want to do is piss anyone off so I'm posting with genuine intentions. I hope you find a way forward that works for you.

Counting calories is not the way to lose weight. Great for maintaining ideal weight but not for losing body fat.
I follow Eddie Abbew on Instagram. It's been life changing. When you realise that most of what we eat is basically sugar (or a version of) - it changes everything.

Animal proteins (meat, cheese, eggs etc) and berry's. Whole foods. It works.

He's a bit sweary, but if you can handle that, listen to what he says.

*berries

I have PCOS too. It makes it harder for your body to use insulin, so insulin builds up in your body and this triggers production of a male hormone (forget which). I blamed PCOS for years. You can find stuff online that tells you by how much PCOS might contribute to weight gain and it's not much.

If the doctor has ruled out any issues, I’m sorry you’re underestimating your total intake. No matter how much you feel that’s wrong. And pcos doesn’t add that much, it makes you more prone to gain weight, but you still need to put the calories in

i lnow you don’t want to accept it, but the sad fact is you’re eating way more than 1200 a day normally to maintain at nearly 14 stone. Likely close to double that, and now with the extra in the last month you’ve gained this weight.

unfortunately you will continue to be over weight until you address this. I personally would start with a month of calorie counted meals ie a pot of readymade porridge rather than toast where the spread can be double , and a ready meal for lunch and dinner, calories are controlled and counted for you. See how you get on.

you can also post a standard day for you, when, you’re eating normally. But you need to include any cheat days, where for example you may drink at the weekend and eat crisps or nuts.

The main link with PCOS is insulin resistance. Posters will tell you that you are underestimating your intake and actually eating an extra 1000 calories a day without noticing, but my weight gain before I treated my insulin resistance defied everything I thought was even possible.

Join a HIIT training group.
Do this along with calorie counting and your body shape will change.

I’m like you.
No easy options unfortunately.

Thanks - how did you treat your insulin resistance?xx

No, I'm not underestimating.
I'm not estimating full stop.
I'm measuring and weighing every single thing I eat and drink and inputting it in to an excellent calculation app.
Not sure how much more I can say this.

Meant to add, op.
As well as counting the calories, perhaps up the protein as it fills you up more and helps you reduce your intake of carbs.

Add the HIIT and you become fat burning machine.

You only mention food every time you mention calorie tracking…
you could easily be adding 1000 calories with drinks and alcohol, it is very easy actually to miscalculate calories taken in. Especially when you are saying you’re only in taking such small amounts of calories, 800-1200 calories if 1 very very tiny meal. No coffee, no tea, no juice, no soft drinks, no alcohol, no snacks etc etc. that’s why people are suggesting you may be miscalculating. It is very easily done, even with an app. Especially if you are only calculating food.
i would also assume you had a serious medical
condition if you are only ever having 1200 or below at the activity level you describe. 1200 calories is a very very very small amount of food and drink for the day even at a sedentary lifestyle.

Do you keep a diary of what you drink? Alcohol/juice/tea/coffee and water?
Do you have a diary you can share with us?

TBH I'd be more worried than angry if I were in your situation. I'd be at that gp as soon as they had an app for full check up if you are as sure as you say about your calorie intake

I agree with the comment about insulin resistance. Nearly a year ago I was crying with frustration that my usual restriction to 1200 cals per day diet that I pulled out of the bag every so often was this time having zero effect. Started a few threads about it! and I was told I was underestimating my intake. Like it's extremely hard. I wasn't. I approach it very scientifically and often double check and often round up to avoid an overall underestimation.

I had become insulin insensitive (if not insulin resistant) so I decided to slow down and focus on reducing carbs (only white ones, although, I still go very easy on brown rice and brown bread too). No sugar. Eating in a window. Think about gut biome. I'm doing it all!. I read up on ''reverse dieting'' too and I upped calories by about 50 per day every couple of days until I got to 1400 but making sure everything was real food. Like a can of tuna in olive oil or three eggs with pitted black olives and cucumber and cherry tomatoes. You will be full for hours.

After crying to myself about how I could NOT lose weight, I kept going, I felt like, well at the end of the year I will know for certain what really happens to my body if I eat 1400 of cals per day. Some days I went over, but mostly I didn't even quite reach 1400. And I do feel like I know. I feel like my body will sit at a BMI of 26 on a year long diet of 1400 healthy food per day. So clearly, depressingly, I need less than this.

I have lost weight as the year passed. I've lost 7 kilos this year, so not a quick loss.

So, ignore people telling you that you're accidentally miscalculating the calories in what you eat. I logged every gram, every morcel and I wasn't losing weight. I have been too stringent in my logging in younger years. When I say my body adjusted to 1200 cals it really had.

ps, yes, when you do the maths, you would have needed to be eating nearly full time to have gained this much!

This is such a myth as you’ve missed the key point, which is insulin resistance causes weight gain as excess blood sugar is stored as fat. The key word here is excess. You need to consume the excess in the first place.

i don’t know why folks keep posting like they are some medical miracle who gain weight without eating the food. It is simply not true. Yes many things make it easier to gain weight, or lead to weight gain, but the fundamental underlying fact is you need to be eating the food in the first place.