To be so angry at how FAT my back and boobs are

[FatBack2023]

I'm raging.
I absolutely HATE my body shape.
I HATE how FAT my back gets when I gain weight.
And my neck.
And my chin.
And my abdomen.
And my BOOBS!! OMG. I'm carrying around 2 great pendulous gargantuan breasts that get more huge with every extra pound of weight I gain.
And I absolutely HATE how easily I gain weight. I put weight on thunderously fast compared to other people.
Why is this?
I basically have to sub exist on 1,200 cals a day to maintain my weight. If I go over this, my weight rapidly increases but it increases in an accelerated way. I put so much weight on so fast, it's completely disproportionate to the extra calories I eat. If I eat 2,000 cals a day for a few weeks, I gain 1 stone in weight. And my back, neck, chin, breasts and tummy BALLOON.
At the end of November, after maintaining my weight with 1,200 cals all year, the Christmas festivities began and I thought, I'm going to let myself go over 1,200 cals for the next month, and eat & drink Christmas things. So I've indulged. But I've carried on tracking (I use nutracheck) and I have stayed below 2,000 cals most days for the past month, but there have been days when I've gone up to 2,400. But interestingly, looking back at my tracking over the past month, on those days where I've gone above 2,000 cals a day, I've naturally eaten a lot less the following day without consciously thinking about it, back down to 1,500 or 1,200 for a day.
Anyway, over the past month, yes I've had mince pies. Yes I've had cake. Yes I've had trifle. Yes I've had biscuits. Wine. Roast dinners. I confess, I have indulged. But not all the time. And not everyday. I've also had home made vegetable soups and salads. And some days I've barely eaten anything. Some days I've had 1 meal only and tracked 800 cals for the whole day. I haven't just eaten Christmas foods all day every day. But yes I have had those foods over the past month. And still tracked every single thing.
And I have gained 18 POUNDS in weight in 1 month!!!!
And it's all gone on my back and boobs and chin and tummy.
I can literally grab handfuls of fat on my UPPER BACK!!
And my bra is too tight!!
And my chin has 2 pound of lard wobbling about under it when I talk!
And my tummy looks like I'm pregnant!!
But the worst thing of all is my back, it is covered in fat! My upper back fat rolls onto my lower back fat.
OMG. I look horrendous.
I feel horrendous.
Meanwhile my legs, bum, hips and arms remain completely unchanged, no extra ounce of fat anywhere on these areas.
I look like I've put a fatsuit onto my central body, like a fatsuit bodywarmer jacket, leaving my arms and legs as normal.
It's aging too....I look years older with all this extra weight.
Oh help.
How have I gained soooo much weight in only 1 month? I'm sure this isn't normal??
Why does it all go onto my back, boobs and tummy?
Why can't I eat the things other people eat??
Why have I put on 18 pounds in 1 month rather than just a few pounds?
I hate my body right now!!!
I'm 45, 5ft 7, and right now I weigh 15 stone.
1 month ago I weighed 13 stone 10.

Yes it can OP. I actually wondered about pcos.

I think ( no expert) that is also linked to hormone levels? I’m surprised they refused to test them when your periods stopped at your age. It’s normal for peri but quite early for stopping. I think you should try again as some form of HRT may be of real assistance from the sound of it.

Oh my goodness me.
Do you think I'm so stupid that I don't realise that drinks contain calories?
Do you think I'm going to say "Oops! Silly me! I haven't been adding all the wine and fruit juice and milk to nutracheck! How silly of me! Turns out I've been DRINKING an extra few thousand calories a week ha ha!"
What planet of idiotness do you live on?
Please, I beg, stop patronising me.
And please, I beg, stop assuming.
I drink only water.
I do not drink any alcohol whatsoever. I'm 100% teetotal.
I do not drink fruit juice.
I do not drink tea, coffee, squash, fizzy drinks, hot chocolate, etc. etc.
I drink water only.
Which is WHY I'm only referring to FOOD.

You’re a tee total? Really? Your opening post says that you’ve had wine…since November.
its not patronising to read your posts where you mention drinking alcohol, and then mention calculating food calories and then ask have you definitely included drinks in your calories.

i also think you’re being very very rude and patronising yourself actually, people are reading what you have written and trying to help. If you have written the wrong things that’s not on us. It also very patronising to assume that every single person in the world who don’t understand calories and what constitutes calories is an idiot and stupid. That’s really nasty.

youre very rude. Why would you even post when you seemingly only want to be nasty to people who are trying to help you.

what do you actually want people to say…yes you have gained 18lbs in a month by eating only 1200 calories a day and doing vast amounts of movement and you’re just that fat and there’s nothing that can help you 🙄🤷🏽‍♀️

you don’t seem like a very nice person, and you don’t seem like you actually want help. In which case, don’t post.

Thanks.
Yes, I did discuss about hormones with GP. She explained that they don’t test LH or FSH anymore for menopause, and go by symptoms and symptomatic treatment instead. I think what she was trying to say was that a woman could have hormone levels within range but have menopause symptoms and so they would want to treat the symptoms and not be deterred by the person having normal range hormones. And vice versa - they wouldn't treat someone with no symptoms but whose blood hormone levels were out of range. This was my understanding and made sense to me so I didn't push any further. I had tiredness, but no other symptoms.
Although now I'm wondering if the tiredness and weight gain are in fact menopause symptoms. But now I'm also wondering about PCOS and insulin resistance. Or a combination of all 3 maybe!

Yes, I've had wine over the past month.
But outside of this, I don't ever drink wine or alcohol. I am ralking about what i consume normally. I am teetotal outside of the past month of Christmas festivities.

So you’re not teetotal. teetotal don’t drink any alcohol.

And it is over the past month of festivities where you have consumed alcohol where you have put on a literally stupid amount of weight. Im absolutely amazed that you haven’t made that correlation. Alcohol is very very very high in calories, especially wine.

Yes it could well be a combination of all three. Good luck with getting to the bottom of it and I hope you feel better in 2024. No idea what has wound saffy up so tight…

@Gardeningtime think you might need to brush up here. Unless you skim read my post in your haste to dismiss my experience as myth. But I wasn't questioning why I had put on 10 kilos, I was questioning why I couldn't lose weight when I reduced calorie intake.

I have managed to lose weight this last year, focusing on real foods, eating as though I were already maintaining, weighing regularly to assess the results/loss.

Baffled as to what part of my experience you're dismissing as myth.

@FatBack2023 I would go to a gp, I was talking to a gp this time last year about going on hrt as unfortunately, low oestrogen exacerbates insensitivity to insulin. Instead of just calories in calories out im also thinking about insulin down glucagon up and eating in this way like I don't want to get diabetes in the future has really levelled things out over time. I'm rarely hungry (but I could still lose about 4 kilos)
Getting hormones sorted has left me feeling a lot better.

Ps my doctor didn't roast me. Definitely make an appointment xx

Over the past month that I am referring to where I have consumed things outside of my normal dietary intake, I have drunk 3 glasses of dry white wine measured by me at home in a measuring jug as as 125ml servings per glass.
1 glass of 125mls on Christmas eve.
1 glass of 125mls on Christmas day.
1 glass of 125mls on Boxing day.
At approx 95 cals per glass, rounding it up to 100, that's 300 calories in total of alcohol.
Would you agree?
And if you agree, do you continue to feel amazed by that?

Apologies, and you are right, I missed the nuance, I was referring it to the op who is now thinking that’s why she is gaining weight and just pointing out you need to eat or drink the cals even when insulin resistance.

shes adamant she doesn’t, so only a doc can help her as she is gaining weight on fresh air and defying all laws of nature. She is literally the only human being in existence ever to actually gain weight without actually eating rhe food. On 1200 cals a day, she’s even maintaining at nearly 14 stone.

OP even with pcos and menopause it is not possible to maintain 14 stone at 5' 7" on 1200 calories every single day even if completely sedentary, which you are not. But I see now that you are cross with anyone who suggests some element of autonomy over this and want very much for there to be a reason that is beyond your control. I regret posting my experience but hope you get to the bottom of it.

Almost certainly you are insulin resistant but also you have metabolic issues linked to that too.

HIIT training is not suitable for weight loss in post menopausal women as we are so impacted by the high cortisol it produces through stressing the body. Weights are far more beneficial at this age.

Why are you all still attempting to help her? Her responses are patronising and nasty.

Well, I didn't read her responses as nasty, I read it as frustration that she wasn't being believed. Lots of people telling her that she must be defying the laws of science.
I have more sympathy as I know from experience that body was surviving on 1200 cals per day, not losing a gram. For 6 weeks I kept going with it and lost nothing. Breaking the laws of science apparently. I only lost weight when I increased calories. Maybe the laws are a bit more complicated than calories in /calories out. Maybe hormones matter.

Yes I read OP that way too. She has reached out from a real low for solidarity and instead been told she’s a self-deceiving glutton. Ever heard of hitting someone when they’re down?
And there really can be other things like hormones at play. I have friends who have struggled and struggled. Some people imagine they are blessed with an unnatural gift of insight and discipline in that they can cut calories or lift weights. The truth is most people who want/ need to can, but it doesn’t always work quite like that… so they get bogged down.

I think you need to see another doctor, if you can. There must be a medical reason.

Many people including myself also told her there must be a serious medical reason if she is truly only consuming 1 tiny tiny meal per day and not ever sitting down at all and is only managing to maintain a high weight. And that putting on 18lbs in 4 weeks of eating a few more calories (not excessive amounts according to her) is not at all normal and is extremely worrying. That has been repeated over and over and over.
her responses are patronising…calling people who don’t understand calorie tracking stupid and idiots…and uncalled for in my opinion.
she literally seemingly does just want people to say yes you’re fat and that’s that.

That is totally frustrating. I think you should see your doc and look into thyroid problems, PCOS polycystic ovarian condition and other physical reasons for this weight gain. Also start exercising and I’ve read that isometric exercises build muscle and burn fat. I’ve just incorporated them in my routine. Good luck.😍

I stopped reading at 'idiotness' ...

Are you able to share some knowledge about metabolic issues? I'm interested to hear more, if possible.xx

Thank you😊🙏

Thank you too 😊 🙏

I called you out for being patronising.
One of your posts on this thread has been deleted by mumsnet HQ for not meeting talk guidelines.
Perhaps it might be a good idea to stop posting now.
Thank you.