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Original poster

Took the shine off my Christmas present

364 replies

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:24

We had and family round for Christmas and Boxing Day and after hosting, finally got round to showing off my gift from DP.

Obviously I was really pleased as it was something I've wanted for a while, not cheap so I hadn't just bought it myself already, and I made that clear. As I'm showing them what I got, my very close friend gets out her phone, searches for the gift and buys herself the exact same thing. It's something you'd wear so I did comment but she made out like it was fine, we won't wear them at the same time etc and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I just feel like it's not the done thing though and it really took the shine off it for me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but just honestly felt a bit gutted 😞

OP posts:
whatwasIgoingtosay · 27/12/2023 14:12

cynan · 27/12/2023 09:39

What adult "shows off" their Christmas gift? I find that unreasonable. Are you put out that your friend could afford the item without it having to be a Christmas treat?

Sometimes I think half of Mumsnet lives in a parallel universe where social standards and customs are completely different to the rest of us. Of course adults 'show off' Christmas gifts. If I had any guests coming in the days after Christmas, I'd be saying, 'Look at the lovely scarf DH bought for me! Isn't it nice?' That seems like very normal behaviour to me and I bet it happens in millions of homes across the UK without people recoiling in horror at the 'unreasonableness'. I think your friend's action was crass and I would be put out in your position.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 27/12/2023 14:13

notdoing · 27/12/2023 14:01

@Scirocco it's not that I'm bothered about having the same thing necessarily, it's the way the whole situation came about.

Some posters have hit the nail on the head I think, it was more that even though the other people in the room were a bit Confused and said so, she continued without any concern as to how she made me feel. I still have no idea why she did it and just feel a bit crap about the whole thing tbh.

Was she ver' ver' drunk at the time?😂

Maybe she woke up the next day & with a groan remembered doing it & realised what a tit she'd been (& has maybe blown her January paycheck on this thing which she now can't wear because she promised not to clash with you wearing yours).

We can only hope.

Sallyh87 · 27/12/2023 14:20

I think that is a really odd thing to do! Like she was making a point that your gift wasn’t special and just some you could pick up any time, which obviously it is but still a weird thing to do.

Give her the benefit of the doubt, she just liked it and wasn’t thinking. She got some Christmas money and splurged.

Also, I assume it’s a nice handbag 😜

Isitthathardtobekind · 27/12/2023 14:24

cynan · 27/12/2023 09:39

What adult "shows off" their Christmas gift? I find that unreasonable. Are you put out that your friend could afford the item without it having to be a Christmas treat?

Why can’t she show something she’s been given that she’s really pleased with? Some people need to lighten up a bit.

Duvetdayforme · 27/12/2023 14:28

Yeah, friend was slightly odd, but it doesn't sound spiteful otherwise OP would have said she had form for nastiness.

OP you do sound very very sensitive. I am glad to read that you do not intend to fall out with your friend over this. Some posters are never happy until the OP has LTB or gone NC.

InsomniacA · 27/12/2023 14:30

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:52

Maybe it's not that deep then but now do I need to check if she's wearing hers before we go anywhere? Or do you often see people wearing identical coats/shoes/bags?

I wish I had your problems instead of mine. I am rather embarrassed for you.

Icantbedoingwithit · 27/12/2023 14:34

Such a huge mountain out of a molehill. I get a nice present for Christmas and I show everyone. My friend is well impressed and says Ohhhhh I’d love one of those, it’s fab! Impulsively whips out her phone and orders one. Big deal! How it takes away from the shininess of the present is actually beyond me. Who cares? I honestly don’t get it. It’s an OBJECT readily for sale on the internet, not exclusive, not hard to get, I could buy one now in 2 mins. Ridiculous overreaction. You got something, she liked it, she bought one. In the grand scheme of things it’s pitifully trivial.

InsomniacA · 27/12/2023 14:34

EffortlesslyInelegant · 27/12/2023 13:39

Not sure why everyone is so puzzled about what the gift was Grin

It was an LV tote. Obvs. Grin

I just thinking LV Neverfull or a scarf in vivid Burberry check. Or a Pandora bracelet. But something in this category, I'm certain.

Fullofxmascbeer · 27/12/2023 14:35

I’m team op.

It would have been slightly better if she’d have asked if you minded, but even then you’d have felt pressurised to agree.

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 27/12/2023 14:36

"What is the gift?"
Sorry, I don't want to say. She uses MN occasionally and as pps have said, it's not worth falling out about. I do think she'd make a big thing about me having shared this on here even though it's completely anonymous.

Do you seriously think your friend wouldn't recognise herself here, just because you haven't revealed the mystery gift?

TitaniasAss · 27/12/2023 14:44

McMuffins · 27/12/2023 14:08

Was she copying her though or just happened to like the same item?

I think you have a bit of a playground mentality tbh. I haven’t cared about anyone ‘copying’ me since year 9.

If two grown adults both like something why shouldn’t they both be allowed to enjoy it?

Show quote history

You're missing the point entirely, but OK.

GustyFinknottle · 27/12/2023 14:45

It's evidenced on the thread that different people would have different responses to this, and unless you think that you're the final arbiter of who is right and who is wrong, you will understand my point.

Well, yes, the people on this thread who say the OP is making a fuss about nothing are the same people who shove their plates into the centre of the table the minute they've finished eating, or say they'll bring wine for Christmas lunch and then just bring one bottle, drink it and ask for more, or who roll in at 2am and play music loudly when there are relatives sleeping upstairs and neighbours who'll be disturbed. Barbarians: not acceptable in polite society. They do what they want without thinking of anyone else. They show no respect for others. Just like the OP's 'friend' who has done something almost perfectly designed to spoil her pleasure in a thoughtfully-chosen gift.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 27/12/2023 14:46

whatwasIgoingtosay · 27/12/2023 14:12

Sometimes I think half of Mumsnet lives in a parallel universe where social standards and customs are completely different to the rest of us. Of course adults 'show off' Christmas gifts. If I had any guests coming in the days after Christmas, I'd be saying, 'Look at the lovely scarf DH bought for me! Isn't it nice?' That seems like very normal behaviour to me and I bet it happens in millions of homes across the UK without people recoiling in horror at the 'unreasonableness'. I think your friend's action was crass and I would be put out in your position.

Show quote history

If I had any guests coming in the days after Christmas, I'd be saying, 'Look at the lovely scarf DH bought for me! Isn't it nice?' That seems like very normal behaviour to me and I bet it happens in millions of homes across the UK without people recoiling in horror at the 'unreasonableness'

I don't think anyone "recoiled in horror at the unreasonableness" of this. Over egging one's point to make a point rarely works.

Several posters thought it was odd behaviour for anyone over the age of 10 (and I'm one of them). I certainly would not say that to guests or friends. It's a bit crass and fishing for compliments. (And the viewer might think it's awful - LV Everfull I'm looking at you)

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 27/12/2023 14:48

GustyFinknottle · 27/12/2023 14:45

It's evidenced on the thread that different people would have different responses to this, and unless you think that you're the final arbiter of who is right and who is wrong, you will understand my point.

Well, yes, the people on this thread who say the OP is making a fuss about nothing are the same people who shove their plates into the centre of the table the minute they've finished eating, or say they'll bring wine for Christmas lunch and then just bring one bottle, drink it and ask for more, or who roll in at 2am and play music loudly when there are relatives sleeping upstairs and neighbours who'll be disturbed. Barbarians: not acceptable in polite society. They do what they want without thinking of anyone else. They show no respect for others. Just like the OP's 'friend' who has done something almost perfectly designed to spoil her pleasure in a thoughtfully-chosen gift.

What a ridiculous post and ridiculous assumptions.

Lweji · 27/12/2023 14:53

Your title should be: Took the shine off my friendship.

Not a good friend. Let alone close.

Ginnnny · 27/12/2023 15:01

🙋🏼‍♀️ I would do this. Definitely discreetly later on but I’ve often seen something a friend or sibling has got or worn and purchased it myself. Sorry everyone 😂

pikkumyy77 · 27/12/2023 15:07

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 27/12/2023 14:46

If I had any guests coming in the days after Christmas, I'd be saying, 'Look at the lovely scarf DH bought for me! Isn't it nice?' That seems like very normal behaviour to me and I bet it happens in millions of homes across the UK without people recoiling in horror at the 'unreasonableness'

I don't think anyone "recoiled in horror at the unreasonableness" of this. Over egging one's point to make a point rarely works.

Several posters thought it was odd behaviour for anyone over the age of 10 (and I'm one of them). I certainly would not say that to guests or friends. It's a bit crass and fishing for compliments. (And the viewer might think it's awful - LV Everfull I'm looking at you)

Show quote history

Oh …crass! Well now that you’ve said that I think we can all agree that the dividing line between right think and wrongthink here is class. The great unspoken issue in most mumsnet threads.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 27/12/2023 15:16

pikkumyy77 · 27/12/2023 15:07

Oh …crass! Well now that you’ve said that I think we can all agree that the dividing line between right think and wrongthink here is class. The great unspoken issue in most mumsnet threads.

Show quote history

What are you on about?

Icantbedoingwithit · 27/12/2023 15:18

GustyFinknottle · 27/12/2023 14:45

It's evidenced on the thread that different people would have different responses to this, and unless you think that you're the final arbiter of who is right and who is wrong, you will understand my point.

Well, yes, the people on this thread who say the OP is making a fuss about nothing are the same people who shove their plates into the centre of the table the minute they've finished eating, or say they'll bring wine for Christmas lunch and then just bring one bottle, drink it and ask for more, or who roll in at 2am and play music loudly when there are relatives sleeping upstairs and neighbours who'll be disturbed. Barbarians: not acceptable in polite society. They do what they want without thinking of anyone else. They show no respect for others. Just like the OP's 'friend' who has done something almost perfectly designed to spoil her pleasure in a thoughtfully-chosen gift.

Barbarians 😂😂

Get a grip!

nutster · 27/12/2023 15:19

InsomniacA · 27/12/2023 14:34

I just thinking LV Neverfull or a scarf in vivid Burberry check. Or a Pandora bracelet. But something in this category, I'm certain.

Show quote history

i’d put money on it

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 15:25

GustyFinknottle · 27/12/2023 14:45

It's evidenced on the thread that different people would have different responses to this, and unless you think that you're the final arbiter of who is right and who is wrong, you will understand my point.

Well, yes, the people on this thread who say the OP is making a fuss about nothing are the same people who shove their plates into the centre of the table the minute they've finished eating, or say they'll bring wine for Christmas lunch and then just bring one bottle, drink it and ask for more, or who roll in at 2am and play music loudly when there are relatives sleeping upstairs and neighbours who'll be disturbed. Barbarians: not acceptable in polite society. They do what they want without thinking of anyone else. They show no respect for others. Just like the OP's 'friend' who has done something almost perfectly designed to spoil her pleasure in a thoughtfully-chosen gift.

Did you just need a vent? 😂

nutster · 27/12/2023 15:31

GustyFinknottle · 27/12/2023 14:45

It's evidenced on the thread that different people would have different responses to this, and unless you think that you're the final arbiter of who is right and who is wrong, you will understand my point.

Well, yes, the people on this thread who say the OP is making a fuss about nothing are the same people who shove their plates into the centre of the table the minute they've finished eating, or say they'll bring wine for Christmas lunch and then just bring one bottle, drink it and ask for more, or who roll in at 2am and play music loudly when there are relatives sleeping upstairs and neighbours who'll be disturbed. Barbarians: not acceptable in polite society. They do what they want without thinking of anyone else. They show no respect for others. Just like the OP's 'friend' who has done something almost perfectly designed to spoil her pleasure in a thoughtfully-chosen gift.

rather keen on daft hyperbole are you @GustyFinknottle

gooddayruby · 27/12/2023 15:43

I'm really in the minority on this, but I've always taken it as a compliment when someone copies me and I love matching with my friends 😂 when I was younger I thought this was the general consensus and ending up upsetting a close friend by buying the same coat... learnt my lesson and never again 😂

guineverehadgreeneyes · 27/12/2023 17:00

InsomniacA · 27/12/2023 14:34

I just thinking LV Neverfull or a scarf in vivid Burberry check. Or a Pandora bracelet. But something in this category, I'm certain.

Show quote history

Why are you so "certain"? You have no idea of the OP's taste in anything.

InsomniacA · 27/12/2023 17:11

guineverehadgreeneyes · 27/12/2023 17:00

Why are you so "certain"? You have no idea of the OP's taste in anything.

Show quote history

But I think I do.