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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Took the shine off my Christmas present

364 replies

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:24

We had and family round for Christmas and Boxing Day and after hosting, finally got round to showing off my gift from DP.

Obviously I was really pleased as it was something I've wanted for a while, not cheap so I hadn't just bought it myself already, and I made that clear. As I'm showing them what I got, my very close friend gets out her phone, searches for the gift and buys herself the exact same thing. It's something you'd wear so I did comment but she made out like it was fine, we won't wear them at the same time etc and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I just feel like it's not the done thing though and it really took the shine off it for me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but just honestly felt a bit gutted 😞

OP posts:
IAmAnIdiot123 · 28/12/2023 01:03

notdoing · 27/12/2023 13:31

"As for wearing/using them at the same time, what's wrong with that?"

Do you "twin" with your adult friends? Fair enough, but it's not something I've seen and my friend apparently agrees since she said we won't wear at the same time. Hopefully she doesn't expect me not to wear mine so she can wear hers!

Not on purpose but one friend and I have very simular tastes and we often end up looking like we planned our outfits. Three times in the past month we have ended up wearing near identical shades for our tops, matching shoes and a pair of jeans.

SmartiesAndFlakes · 28/12/2023 01:05

OP, your friend was totally out of order and your annoyance is entirely understandable. You acted completely normally.

The nasty comments from some of the posters on this thread in respect of your natural response to your friend’s weirdness, and the snobbiness shown towards what you might have hypothetically received is bizarre and depressing in the extreme. What is wrong with people??

Ditch the friend, keep the gift and enjoy wearing it. You will still enjoy it - don’t let her selfishness spoil it for you. Flowers

nutster · 28/12/2023 06:01

ifIwerenotanandroid · 27/12/2023 22:29

'another thread (from yesterday?) in which the OP' means the OP on yesterday's thread.

Show quote history

so you meant “in a post from yesterday” rather than “in another thread” @ifIwerenotanandroid ?

means two different things

guineverehadgreeneyes · 28/12/2023 09:08

SmartiesAndFlakes · 28/12/2023 01:05

OP, your friend was totally out of order and your annoyance is entirely understandable. You acted completely normally.

The nasty comments from some of the posters on this thread in respect of your natural response to your friend’s weirdness, and the snobbiness shown towards what you might have hypothetically received is bizarre and depressing in the extreme. What is wrong with people??

Ditch the friend, keep the gift and enjoy wearing it. You will still enjoy it - don’t let her selfishness spoil it for you. Flowers

@SmartiesAndFlakes I agree with everything you have written in your post.

The goading sneer fest, yesterday, speculating over what brand of gift the OP has received was bizarre. What are they implying - that the OP is making an unnecessary fuss over what they think was probably an overpriced and ubiquitous item from Pandora or Burberry?

It isn't relevant what the gift was and they have no idea what it was. They sound like the three cackling witches in Macbeth.

Maray1967 · 28/12/2023 09:22

Yes, it is very strange behaviour to
immediately order something that someone else has just said is very special to them - crass, basically. It’s one of those things that we’re not taught, like saying please and thank you - I think it’s probably something that most people learn, but others don’t, possibly because they just don’t think about what matters to others. It would be like following someone talking about a holiday they’ve just booked that they’ve saved up for for ages with an announcement that you’ve booked it as well or a much more expensive one. You just don’t, if you have an ounce of sense.

retinolalcohol · 28/12/2023 09:36

I wouldn't be annoyed. Imitation is the highest (but laziest, granted) form of flattery. No one owns the rights to a piece of clothing.
I also don't think there's too much need for adult Christmas presents to be 'shiny'.

So I'd say YABU

But then that's just my opinion and you feel how you feel OP. What I would consider though is not everyone sees things the way you do, so it's possible that your friend just shares my opinion and didn't think in her wildest dreams that she'd offend you. There doesn't need to be some bitchy motive attached and if there wasn't, is there really any need to feel annoyed at her?

ifIwerenotanandroid · 28/12/2023 11:18

nutster · 28/12/2023 06:01

so you meant “in a post from yesterday” rather than “in another thread” @ifIwerenotanandroid ?

means two different things

Show quote history

I'm not going to carry on this conversation. It's pointless. Go well.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 28/12/2023 11:27

LittleMissSunshiner · 27/12/2023 22:20

This thread is deeply insane, no offence to the OP

People are so bitchy and argumentative and reaching.

No wonder people cannot live harmoniously on this planet. There's at least a third of all people here alone who don't want to get along with anyone under any circumstances it seems.

I know! I checked back to see if it was posted in AIBU, which is famous for this level of unnecessary nastiness - it isn't.

nutster · 28/12/2023 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 15:23

can’t have been that nice for “the shine” of the gift to have come off so easily for you OP

OrganicCamomileTea · 28/12/2023 15:32

Ragwort · 27/12/2023 09:55

Take it as a compliment.

But different people have different expectations around 'treats' and 'gifts' and you can't assume that everyone else's opinions are the same as your's. I was reading a thread on here about iPads as Christmas presents for DC and there was more than one comment saying an iPad shouldn't be a 'present' as DC need them for homework etc ... and a similar comment that if a bike is needed to get to school then it shouldn't be a present.... or that clothes shouldn't be presents ... personally I don't share those views.

No wonder gift giving is such a nightmare!

So these people are basically saying that you shouldn't ever give anything that is "needed" as a present? From that, the implication is that presents should only be something that the recipient doesn't actually need and probably won't use! How daft! No wonder there's so much "re-gifting" and so much waste!

phoenixrosehere · 28/12/2023 15:39

If it were me, I wouldn’t have seen anything wrong with what your friend did because I would think that she saw how nice the item looked on me, she had to get it for herself and it would have made it more special to me.

However, you are not me and can’t help how you feel, but can help how you react and know what kind of friend she is and if this incident is worth holding it against her.

Beeinalily · 28/12/2023 15:59

Either she's a bit jealous or she saw what she did as a compliment to the present, I suppose. Better to think of it as the latter, give her the benefit of the doubt. And please OP, ignore the nastiness on here, I don't know what's up with people recently!

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 16:05

Beeinalily · 28/12/2023 15:59

Either she's a bit jealous or she saw what she did as a compliment to the present, I suppose. Better to think of it as the latter, give her the benefit of the doubt. And please OP, ignore the nastiness on here, I don't know what's up with people recently!

or she didn’t view it as something “special” and didn’t think her best friend would be offended.

Icelandic9 · 28/12/2023 18:06

If course that's a really weird thing to do. Does your friend have zero social skills?

onegreyhair · 28/12/2023 18:25

Its envy OP,
One definition of envy according to Google is "a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions .. etc"
also "a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage" .
and your friend dealt with her envy by taking away some of the perceived advantage/specialness/ attractiveness of your gift (by getting one herself) and thus cheapened the value of yours.

It seems to matter to some people and not others, some people I know are genuinely pleased if someone copies them.
I'm with you, it matters to me and it spoils whatever it is for me. I do feel marginally less put out if someone asks if I'd mind if they got one the same.

InvestingMimi · 28/12/2023 18:26

But it was special, you got it as a gift from a loved one. You need to flip it and stop thinking of your friend having one. Thousands of other people will have it i bet it wouldn't take away from the thoughtfulness behind the gift.

Lollipop81 · 28/12/2023 18:29

It’s a compliment she likes what you had so much she wanted it herself. Nothing more it.

lemondropsunrise · 28/12/2023 18:30

Friends don't do this without clearing it first! Nobody likes a copycat. How pathetic! Unless it's something loads of people have, like a popular bag.

Coolhwip · 28/12/2023 18:33

notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:03

"Did your mum (or whoever else was there) comment?"

Yes, she said "you're not actually ordering the same are you?" To which my friend replied, yes, it's fine, we just won't wear at the same time.

She’s an utter twat, OP, she should have waited until she got home. She was definitely making a point.

Why was she invited anyway? Stop inviting her.

Lindyloomillion1 · 28/12/2023 18:35

I would really hate that too - and not about the cost of it even before you clarified that wasn't an issue.
She was taking the shine off something that was special for you. A good friend would want to enjoy your pleasure with you, not compete with you

Pepsi2001 · 28/12/2023 18:36

Sounds like you need to grow up a bit maybe.

ChristmasAgainWTAF · 28/12/2023 18:38

Op I would feel the same. Some people have to HAVE everything others have! My dm is like this, what ever you buy, she will get one for herself (this is a woman who has everything). She even goes as far as buying two of things, so if she buys me a jewellery item, for example, she buys two, one for her!!

ChristmasAgainWTAF · 28/12/2023 18:40

If she loved it she could have easily waited and then bought it later without saying. Or a "I hope you don't mind I've bought one for myself I was jealous, it's lovely!" To do it there infront of you straight away is rude to me, and seeing the price as well with your dh sitting th3re etc. It's odd behaviour.

FootieMama · 28/12/2023 18:47

OP I get it. I wouldn't like that either. And your friend is probably jealous of you. Who does that?