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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ignore my managers rude text?

395 replies

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 07:26

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

OP posts:

Noturkeyinaldi · 27/12/2023 12:53

And yes, never forget HR work for the employer, in the interests of the employer. Hence the name. Workers are a 'resource' of the employer.

Tapsthemic · 27/12/2023 13:03

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 09:32

The usual policy is to ring an hour before our shift. I would have been due in at 10 today so would need to ring at 9. I just thought to ring at 9 after Christmas would be too short notice to get anyone to come in.

i probably shouldnt have messaged her and rang the store directly but no one ever ever answers the phone and she was meant to be in work anyway so didn’t realise I would be disturbing her.

Saying that I have just rang the store phone anyway to cover my back and just to say I’m really unwell to her but no one answered.

i will message her to say ‘Hi name sorry to message you again I did try to ring the shop to speak to you but no one answered. I definitely wont be in today I am really unwell and i need to rest. Thank you’

does that sound ok?

Perfect - send this to your awful “manager”, then screenshot all the messages so you have a record.

I’d be tempted to send it all to HR. Absolutely awful behaviour - a manager should never respond with stroppy intimidation. It’s classic bullying behaviour.

Poppins2016 · 27/12/2023 13:12

dishyrishi · 27/12/2023 08:22

I'm going to be unpopular here, but as you don't seem to be too sick to Mumsnet, and you have mentioned your daughter so frequently, I'd say it's questionable that you're too sick to work.

This doesn't take away the fact your boss' reaction was off, but always best to be honest, when honest about not being able to leave a sick child most people would understand.

What an odd comment. People can still be capable of picking up a phone and using it to communicate/post on social media even though they can't work. I've posted on MN while signed off work after an operation and while having a nasty bout of covid.

It sounds as though OP has run herself into the ground through being unwell before Christmas, is still unwell and her daughter is also unwell.

Mikimoto · 27/12/2023 13:12

Mentioning the daughter probably backfired.
Manager would have read "I want another day with the family at home"

Howbizzare22 · 27/12/2023 13:15

How dare she. Why do retail managers treat staff like absolute shit. You need to report her- and fucking tell her you are reporting her too- to HR for this disgusting behaviour. She’s out of order. Her reply must ONLY EVER be along the lines of- ok thanks for letting me know, get well soon, let me know when you think you’ll be back. It is HER RESPONSIBILITY as a manager to arrange cover. They get paid AS A MANAGER to sort things like this OP.

Violinist64 · 27/12/2023 13:22

Apart from anything else, you and your daughter are presumably highly infectious and nobody wants to catch what you have. I would also make this very clear.

StopStartStop · 27/12/2023 13:29

Back in the day, your manager would have been seen as at fault. Now, all employees get is 'Arrange your own cover' and other such nonsense. Polite answer to texts 'I'm ill, I won't be able to work, I haven't been able to find cover.' Same answer every time.
As soon as you feel slightly better, look for another job.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 27/12/2023 13:30

glasslightly · 27/12/2023 07:46

Honestly, whilst I wouldn’t have responded in the way you did. I’d be pretty annoyed by your text. First reading it, it strongly suggests you’re off becauce of your daughter - which you don’t have a right to do. Second you’ve emailed me on my day off making this something I have to deal with rather than waiting till the morning.

@glasslightly then you shouldn't be a manager in the first place! This is typical for some managers they want the pay, perks and authority of a manager but don't want to actually take on the responsibilities of a manager including finding cover when staff are sick or can't come in. That is a manager's duty and responsibility and if they can't find cover they have to cover it themselves which they often don't want to do but they'll expect staff to step up just like the OP has already done.

BetiYeti · 27/12/2023 13:44

Honestly OP, your manager sounds awful and nothing you can do or say will change that. You’re ill, illnesses are very common at this time of year and really the business should be able to function fine with someone off sick. Time to look for another job OP.

DyslexicPoster · 27/12/2023 13:45

Greydogs123 · 27/12/2023 07:30

Isn’t it a managers role to cover in a worst case scenario? You shouldn’t have gone into work ill in the first place because your manager now thinks you’re one of those people who can just work no matter what. You surely can’t be sacked for being off ill, so just ignore it.

This, it’s the managers job to manage. I kept hearing at work if went under a bus, no one knew my IT system. Yet my boss never set time aside or other staff to train up. Not my problem either If I died.

if I had a car I’d go in and look and act like shit but I’m petty I guess. I was told I had to complete a project on a Friday. I had a normal office job. I was 7 months pregnant with a history of pre eclampsia. I did a 20 hour day on Friday, got told by my team members there was another week for delivery but the boss had set tight contingency. Most of the team finished off that week. I got the remained of my pregnancy signed off as on the Wednesday the lack of sleep and stress but my body up and me in hospital. Never ever putting my life at risk for a job ever again.

Heartbreaktuna · 27/12/2023 13:50

@Aprilx You categorically ARE legally protected when taking emergency dependents leave. I am ex in- house counsel and have personally handled many tribunal claims.

CommonOrNot · 27/12/2023 13:50

“As you were told yesterday, I’m not well. What you chose to do with that information in regards to covering your own team is up to you. See you in the new year”

genuinely this would be my response.

IhateBegonias · 27/12/2023 13:59

I’m sure it is your manager’s job to arrange cover, not yours. Take time off to recover and ignore your manager. If you go back in take it higher up.
hope you both get better soon.

Cerealkiller4U · 27/12/2023 14:01

I once had a manager tell me to try not to use the toilet in an 10 he shift. I actually had to get my doctor to write a note to say please allow name to use the toilet during her shift

she sounds like him. You’ll never win with them. However I took it to acas who got it sorted out. They were amazing as this was a tiny place with about 15 people working.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 27/12/2023 14:03

@Anon1359 Your manager is an utter bitch troll from hell and after those text's I would go above her head to her manager and show them the text messages she sent and about her behaviour overall because I can see her giving you a right bollocking for daring to go off sick. People like your manager want the pay, perks and authority of being a manager but don't want to take on the actual responsibilities of a manager one of which is to cover shifts when staff are sick.

Seriously op don't take her crap and let her pressure you to come in and work she has shown you how unappreciated you are that you worked ill so they wouldn't be short and all you got in response to you finally going sick is nasty text messages, like fuck I would do her a favour again. What is it with managers in retail I had a similar one myself years ago. Don't reply to her op beyond updating how you're recovering and when you will be back its her job to find cover or cover the shift herself.

I notice she has no problem disturbing you whilst you're ill but she didn't like it when you texted her to let her know you were ill and not coming in and she still expected you to be in. That right there is one rule for her another for everyone else managers like her think once they're in a senior position the rules no longer apply to them because they're management but they enforce those rules on everyone else.

Isitthathardtobekind · 27/12/2023 14:18

WashItTomorrow · 27/12/2023 08:21

Well, she doesn’t. It’s not ridiculous at all.

Show quote history

Where on earth do all of you work who think she doesn’t have the right to stay off to look after a sick child? Who else is going to do it? Do you leave your poorly children home alone? Of course a parent should have the right to do that… dependency leave?!!

greenbeansnspinach · 27/12/2023 14:19

Birch101 · 27/12/2023 07:35

are you in the UK? Respond I'm ill and am self certifying for 7 days if I need to extend this further I will provide a GP note. You need to see your sickness absence policy as well to see what will trigger a disciplinary and how you are meant to notify illness

Perfect response and action plan!

Isitthathardtobekind · 27/12/2023 14:20

BetiYeti · 27/12/2023 13:44

Definitely need to look for something else then show higher management why you are leaving. She sounds like an awful manager.

Thementalloadisreal · 27/12/2023 14:24

“Hi X. As per my last message, I’m off sick today. I know it’s a busy time for us all, and I have done my utmost to continue working up to Christmas with minor illnesses but I am now significantly more unwell and unable to leave the house.
I will be taking some time to recover before coming back to work.
I alerted the team after messaging you yesterday so they’re aware cover is needed. Hope you had a lovely Christmas with your family. Hope to see you next week when I’m better”

Thementalloadisreal · 27/12/2023 14:24

Then spend your sick days browsing job adverts

Islandermummy · 27/12/2023 14:27

Thementalloadisreal · 27/12/2023 14:24

I think this is the right answer.

Reiterate you are really sick, and keep it civil and beyond reproach.

It's your manager's job to find cover and she's being toxic, but best to rise above it.

And yes, consider looking for another role, as your manager sounds awful. You can explain in your exit interview with HR (if you have one) what led to you leave

nosleepforme · 27/12/2023 14:30

I’m so confused why you mentioned your daughter when calling in sick. That may have majorly contributed to their response.

NotARealWookiie · 27/12/2023 14:34

In the long run OP, find another job. You can’t live like this.

RallySooney · 27/12/2023 14:54

Join USDAW the retail workers union.

JFDIYOLO · 27/12/2023 14:56

Refer up to her line manager. It's management role to arrange cover, not yours.

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