To ignore my managers rude text?

[Anon1359]

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

I had a call from my workplace when I was signed off sick for the first time in 8 years. They asked me when I would be back and I told them I would be back when I was better. They said that they needed to know or they would have to 'escalate' the situation. I replied - as do I as I felt it inappropriate for them to be calling me while I was signed off sick. Never heard another word about it .

Hand in your justification to HR . You should t have contacted anyone on days off . That was rude .

Find another job.

Give notice and get drs appointment for sick certification for illness and also stress

Don't go back if you can afford

Yep

Sorry I haven’t read through thread. But I would be looking for another job asap. Get signed off and start job hunting.

Life is too short.

And the manager wasn't??

This really. Mentioning your daughter won't change anything.
And If I was you I would be looking for another job elsewhere, ideally somewhere less toxic.
Your manager's attitude is frankly unacceptable.

OP said at the start that sickness is frowned on, period, and that this woman has previous form of unprofessional bullying behaviour. OP probably couldn't have worded it any differently to have elicited a respectful response from this bitch.

@Anon1359 please don't get too stressed or worried - it's really horrible how she has behaved, she is not a good manager and you have rights and I really hope you think about getting yourself a new job x (do others in the team dislike her as well?)

You've had some good and some bad suggestions as to what to respond - the difficulty is in knowing which is which.

Ref your suggested response: ‘Hi name sorry to message you again I did try to ring the shop to speak to you but no one answered. I definitely wont be in today I am really unwell and i need to rest. Thank you’

I would take care not to undermine your position and the strength of your message, for example, by apologising. (You were ill and gave her advance notice in order to be helpful.) So I wouldn't put 'sorry to message you again' or 'Thank you' at the end. They're not wrong things to write - polite. yes but not strong. And her messages have been angry and disrespectful, if anything requiring challenge rather than appeasement. I would not put 'Hi' but 'Good morning' or Dear X', as slightly less casual, more formal. She's your manager, so...

Again when you say you are unwell it's a plain statement that isn't wrong but stating in what way you are unwell would strengthen it, as 'unwell' is not specific but rather vague and could be a cover for anything. If you said as you did in your opening post what symptoms you are suffering from, that is stating something that comes across as more actual.

Adding 'and I need to rest', weakens it as if you aren't actually unwell, because unwellness or illness is incapacitating and makes you unable to work - if you are ill it is obvious you need to rest but unwellness is more serious than that.

Please try not to worry but do telephone ACAS as they are there to advise on employment practice and problems; it is a free and confidential service.

And do not rush to give up your job which you have held for 12 years unless it is for one with better pay or conditions or promotion. When you go back you can raise it with higher management. Know your value to the company and your rights in law to be treated reasonably. She may not last long if her conduct towards a valued longstanding employee, or staff generally, would embarrass them in front of an employment tribunal. Or she might leave of her own accord anyway if she's not managing well and is unhappy. That often happens with poor managers.

I'm not sure it matters whether or not you have prior warning of the emergency, as long as it involves a dependant.

My daughter had an operation just before Christmas, and I needed to take a couple of days off work to look after her. I advised my manager as soon as I could, which was a couple of months in advance, and I took the time off unpaid with no issue.

I agree with @Startingagainandagain If your manager can’t organize cover for sick employees, she shouldn’t be a manger.

*It is your manager's job to find cover, not yours. That's why she is paid more than you. Part of good managerial planning is also to make sure you have enough staff in shift even if someone was to go off sick.

If you have an HR team I would report this to them: the fact that your manager expect her staff to her job and the fact that she is not respecting the right of someone to be off sick and harass them even after they have made clear they are too sick to come in.*

Utterly ridiculous comment isn't it.
I'm on TOTAL bedrest for 4 weeks at the least having come home from hospital a week ago.
I'm eating and sleeping and watching netflix and thoroughly enjoying the Xmas chocolate.
I've done a load of online sale shopping. I've had a visitor prop herself up on my bed for a great chat.
But I sure as shit ain't able for work. I need help having a shower. I fall asleep after being awake for more than 2 hours at a time.
People just embarrass themselves with the utter crap they come out with here sometimes.
If u can post online u can work. Wld u get ta fuck. Drivel. Ignorant drivil.

They’re very different situations:

1. If your daughter is ill, you use your carers leave the when that’s exhausted, or if it doesn’t exist, take annual leave if you have no one to help.
2. If you’re ill, follow your HR policy. If she is responding in a way that goes against that, then escalate to someone higher up.

I agree you need to just mention your own illness. She, wrongly, thinks you'd be working if you didn't have a child. Definitely take off as much time as you need. Hope you feel better soon.

A woman I used to know had a long term illness and ended up committing suicide as a result of being bullied for taking so much time off work so I would rather lose a job than work my arse into the grave for people who won’t give you a second thought when you’re gone.

Asking you to cover is the most pathetic cop out there is. I have come across this in my personal life. As a manager, she is being paid for the responsibility to ensure that all shifts are covered.

Keep all messages. Check your sick policy. If you're not in a union, join one now. Do not attend any meeting with her on your own, ask for a copy of the minutes of the meeting. Keep a diary of all interaction between you. Shift cover is usually the responsibility of the manager/shift supervisor not the individual staff member. You gave her ample notification. You've no responsibility beyond giving good notice of your absence.

Stop mentioning your daughter. YOU are sick and unable to work. It is the managers job to arrange cover or at a pinch go in to work if cover isn’t possible.

I would make sure you take as many sick days as you need!

This.

Nothing to add that hasn't already been said, OP. Your manager sounds like an arse! Rest and get yourself well. Try not to worry (which I know is easy advice from a stranger on the internet) you're totally in the right.

Please try not to worry.

Grey rock.

”I can’t help the fact I was sick. I tried to give you more notice than I needed to, purely to help you out.”
Repeat over and over.

You're not the manager, she is! She needs to get it covered, not you. I would complain to HR. Keep a record of everything she says and does. Tell your colleagues too as well and get her gone! What a b*h!

You’re unwell. She’s out of order and very unprofessional. It’s her responsibility to timetable staff and take into account winter pressures.

I would politely request the number for HR when you’re feeling better. Take a week off. What a dick she is.

it feels enormous now but it’s nothing really. She needs putting in her place though, for sure. Jumped up little shit.