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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Joint birthday and Christmas presents

160 replies

AppleChunkPunk · 26/12/2023 19:44

My DD turns 1 tomorrow and I've specifically said since she was born "No joint presents!" Get her a small gift for 1 and put £5 in her account, or whatever people can afford, but do 2 things, they are separate special days.

2 family members - one from my side 1 from DP - have gone against our wishes and said she is only 1, she won't remember, it was an expensive gift so she will like it etc.

AIBU for being angry they chose to go against what we asked? I said to both family members if her birthday was July you would have bought 2 gifts, but I still got "she won't know she is only 1".

I'm not ungrateful for the gifts, they are lovely and DD probably won't know, but as parents we know, I'm upset they couldn't even put £1 in her card as a gift, or buy an actual birthday and actual Xmas present.

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 26/12/2023 19:49

At this age it is ok. But after this? nope. Are there other children in the family?

I got this as a kid, and my DC1 got it - and it sucks, especially as we both have a sibling with a birthday slap in the middle of summer, so they got summer related things that we had to fund from pocket money. And then only got one present (and people say it's the price of 2, but they never were) at Christmas. And if your birthday comes first you usually have to choose when to open it, and if your birthday comes after Christmas you often get it under the tree and nothing on birthday.

Hmm. Obviously still rankles with me.

the short answer is, of course, that you can't force anyone to do anything. And if there are no siblings it is something your DC will grow up with and it will be normal

Tilllly · 26/12/2023 19:50

Well they've set a precedent...

My friends son has a half bday in June

coodawoodashooda · 26/12/2023 20:07

Tilllly · 26/12/2023 19:50

Well they've set a precedent...

My friends son has a half bday in June

Yeah. Do this.

Kettricken · 26/12/2023 20:09

YANBU. My DS’s birthday is just before Christmas and this is one thing I’ve always been firm on. Wouldn’t happen with a birthday any other time of year. Christmas and birthday are 2 separate events. Start as you mean to go on.

Shiningout · 26/12/2023 20:14

Tilllly · 26/12/2023 19:50

Well they've set a precedent...

My friends son has a half bday in June

Do people actually buy presents for a half birthday though? My birthday is Christmas eve so I am well aware of people giving joint presents I've had it my whole life and it was upsetting as a kid.

DappledThings · 26/12/2023 20:21

DD turned 6 2 days before Christmas. We've always done clearly separate presents as has everyone else. But by their choice. I wouldn't dream of demanding that of anyone.

We will always do separate presents, if others start to do joint presents that is entirely up to them. YABU to demand anyone else does things your way.

Kendodd · 26/12/2023 20:29

Yeah, you are ungrateful.
Can't believe you think it's acceptable to dictate to people about presents.

Tilllly · 26/12/2023 20:29

@Shiningout

They do if that's when you have the bday party

nepthysrising · 26/12/2023 20:32

Oh please please knock this on the head now. My birthday was always a wash out, often got only one gift, often had birthday stuff in Christmas paper. I could go on. I hated it. And I'm in my 60s now and still feel unhappy on my birthday because of it, even though my lovely husband, kids, and friends all celebrate for me.

Mynaddmawr · 26/12/2023 20:33

I was going to say you are not being unreasonable but then I saw she is 1 🙈 she doesn't know whats going on, also on the plus side it is less 'stuff' taking over your house! But yes when she is bigger I think you should remind them. I have a Christmas birthday and obviously don't care now, but felt a bit short changed as a child with joint presents!

Mariposistaa · 26/12/2023 20:35

Grab grab grab grab grab

Hardbackwriter · 26/12/2023 20:38

I think your intention is good but there is just no way to say 'you need to buy my child more presents - I am unhappy that you didn't buy her more presents' that doesn't sound absolutely awful and ungrateful.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/12/2023 20:41

I think their reasoning that it’s her first birthday and she won’t give a shit is completely fair. She won’t. It’s a busy time of year for most people, not wanting to do two separate presents and cards and fusses for a baby who has no idea that it’s either birthday or Christmas just to appease a pair of overly precious parents is understandable. If they’re still doing it in three years time when she does realise, then’s the time to ask that they either recognise both separately or neither at all (and be prepared to accept without fuss that some people will opt for the latter.)

WesselCups · 26/12/2023 20:41

One of my kids birthday is on 21st December.
If anyone gave a joint birthday and Christmas present, I would ask them where the Christmas gift was. If it was wrapped in Christmas paper, I would ask where the birthday gift was.
Then I would hand the present back with a no thanks.
They soon got the message. Either a present for both occasions or none at all.
I refused to allow a joint present because if the birthday had been at any other time of the year, they would have got a present for both occasions.
My birthday is in mid December and my mum took the same stance of a gift for both of none at all.

Mumof1andacat · 26/12/2023 20:42

I'm a 27th December baby and presents should not be joint just because the birthday is close to Christmas and should also not be wrapped in Christmas paper. It is lazy and thought less.

WesselCups · 26/12/2023 20:44

Mariposistaa · 26/12/2023 20:35

Grab grab grab grab grab

Is it?
So as a child, you would have been happy with one present while your siblings got two?
If your birthday was in July, would you have been happy with the present giver telling you that the present was for Christmas too, then on Christmas Day, you have no present while your siblings have one?
Don't talk wet.

mumsytoon · 26/12/2023 20:49

Don't be ungrateful. It was an expensive gift.

rwalker · 26/12/2023 20:51

My mum bought a joint present for my cousin on her first birthday spent far no than she would on 2 presents
her and my aunt’s relationship which wasn’t great never really recovered

my mum did forewarn that she would only do it for 1st birthday as cousin would not have a clue
tbf when aunty asked about presents for me and my sister in the early years she told them not to bother as we had no idea what it was all about wait till we could unwrap and appreciate gifts

I’m struggling to see how joint present would affect your DC 1st birthday
I do agree with separate presents when there older and understand

TrixieFatell · 26/12/2023 20:56

I have a child with a Christmas birthday (not the actual day but very close). From day one we have insisted that if people want to buy Christmas and birthday gifts then they are separate. Might sound grabby but I don't care. Their birthday and Christmas are two different occasions. Their grandad bought a joint present the first year, and I thanked them for it and asked if they were happy for me to buy them one gift for their Christmas and birthday (they have a summer birthday). They weren't oddly enough. It's lazy and shows a lack of thought.

You'll get loads on here saying that you should be grateful etc but you are doing this for your child. Before my Dec baby was born all I got told was how miserable Dec birthdays are with one gift, Christmas wrapping used on their birthday etc. I was determined my child would have a birthday they loved and they have.

tpmumtobe · 26/12/2023 20:56

YANBU and you're right to be clear about it from the start. DS has a bday in early Dec (so not even that close!) and the number of Christmas themed gifts he got for his bday when he was younger riled me no end. Now he's older we are actively debating moving his bday celebrations to his half bday to make a clearer distinction. In your case I would seriously consider doing that now while she's young enough to not notice the change.

ProudparentofaMuffin · 26/12/2023 20:57

I had a joint Christmas and birthday CARD from a 'friend' one year...

Coconutter24 · 26/12/2023 20:58

My birthday is Christmas Day, I’ve always had separate birthday and Christmas presents, never received a birthday gift in Christmas wrapping paper which might seem silly but I’ve always been grateful people have took the time to think about each occasion. I wouldn’t dream though of telling anyone how they should gift anything so yes YABU for being angry and yes you are being silly

Mariposistaa · 26/12/2023 20:59

WesselCups · 26/12/2023 20:44

Is it?
So as a child, you would have been happy with one present while your siblings got two?
If your birthday was in July, would you have been happy with the present giver telling you that the present was for Christmas too, then on Christmas Day, you have no present while your siblings have one?
Don't talk wet.

Show quote history

Life is not all about presents. Especially not at Christmas. Time spent with family and friends is so much more important

SiennaMillar · 26/12/2023 21:00

Just do the same for them, regardless of when their bday is. If they only want to celebrate Xmas but not birthday of your child, do the same to them.

WesselCups · 26/12/2023 21:00

Mariposistaa · 26/12/2023 20:59

Life is not all about presents. Especially not at Christmas. Time spent with family and friends is so much more important

Show quote history

Behave.