Joint birthday and Christmas presents

[AppleChunkPunk]

My DD turns 1 tomorrow and I've specifically said since she was born "No joint presents!" Get her a small gift for 1 and put £5 in her account, or whatever people can afford, but do 2 things, they are separate special days.

2 family members - one from my side 1 from DP - have gone against our wishes and said she is only 1, she won't remember, it was an expensive gift so she will like it etc.

AIBU for being angry they chose to go against what we asked? I said to both family members if her birthday was July you would have bought 2 gifts, but I still got "she won't know she is only 1".

I'm not ungrateful for the gifts, they are lovely and DD probably won't know, but as parents we know, I'm upset they couldn't even put £1 in her card as a gift, or buy an actual birthday and actual Xmas present.

Am I being silly?

@14Q

You wouldn't have your summer birthday present wrapped in Christmas paper though, would you?

It's a big thing to us Christmas babies. Family and friends should appreciate this and mine do. Because they're thoughtful.

Did I say that?! Dumb response!

Are you being silly? Yes. It's my birthday Saturday, I've often had joint presents and I'm nudging 50. Never bothered me. Generally it meant bigger presents. So nothing to be upset about.

Unfortunately it’s really difficult for people to think and buy one present let alone two this time of year. I have to do it for DH with a late December birthday and it’s a ball ache. I think it’s up to parents to mark the occasions.

I would say make any gifts about his birthday. Birthday paper etc. You can sort Christmas traditions. There’s so much stuff these days Christmas doesn’t need to be the same as a 70’s or 80’s consumer fest.
His parents did Panto with his school friends which became theatre more generally as his birthday treat. In the same way summer birthdays get barbecues or theme parks.

@UserM6 But why is it any different? My family and friends always have managed it.

That's a piss poor excuse IMO.

Op not nice when its joint. My mother does one gift im 17th jan that is mean!! It is what it is

My 11 year old wanted a gaming PC. His birthday is a few days after Christmas. He got it as a joint gift because, quite frankly, it would be fucking ludicrous to spend £1k+ on his Christmas present and then drop more £££ on his birthday. He’ll get some token trinkets on his birthday and enjoy playing on his expensive gaming PC.

I get that you appreciate it when you get a birthday present wrapped in the correct paper but If someone gave you a birthday present are you actually offended, disappointed or upset about it? Surely the thing you would be thinking about is the fact they got you a present. I'd notice the wrong paper but it really wouldn't take away from the present.

As I mentioned in an earlier post we have 4 Xmas birthdays plus another in mid December in my immediate family. I'm sure none would care if a relative or friend gave them a present wrapped in the wrong paper. They wouldn't have cared as kids and they don't care as adults. The girls would appreciate nicely wrapped presents but my adult sons wouldn't care if they were given presents in plastic shopping bags.

I don't think it really matters for a 1yo, but it does set a precedent so YANBU for mentioning it. My birthday is more than a month before Christmas and I still got lots of joint presents, which upset me as a small child because I felt forgotten - young kids only really understand the number of presents, not the value.

My nephew's birthday is within a week of Christmas, and when he was little I always got him two presents. Now he is a teenager I usually give a joint present, because most of the things he likes are quite expensive and combining my budget means I can get him something he really wants. He is old enough to understand the money/value side of things now.

Wow, I did not expect such a huge response but seriously I genuinely appreciate all of your opinions!

Firstly, unfortunately you don't know me or my partner to know we are not ungrateful, rude, silly, or any of the other things that have been said. When the gift was explained we said aww thank you and moved on with unwrapping so our DD knew nothing else, as well as the gift giver. Inside I was angry but I am not the type to ruin Christmas with drama like that over MY thoughts and feelings - hence putting it out to total strangers to make me see it from an outsiders point of view.

As for giving the gift back, I seriously wouldn't have that in me. Its a gift, something someone has thought about and worked hard to pay for for our child - no way could I ever do that regardless of my feelings towards it however, my thoughts would probably be to give it back but I never would. After all, it's not MY gift, its our child's.

I personally don't think the gift values equate to a birthday AND Christmas present but, like I originally said, they are lovely gifts and I appreciate them as much as DD, I just hoped family would appreciate the 2 separate days.

As for the wrapping paper, as long as its shiny/pretty/rips well I wouldn't care, that wouldn't bother me as I do appreciate it would be more convenient to wrap in Christmas paper, just stick a label on "happy christmas" or "happy birthday" so it's a habit for future for DD.

Thanks for calling me ridiculous, I don't feel ridiculous in the slightest, merely putting it out there to see what a broad range of people thought about my feelings on a subject. And it really has given us inspiration and ideas for future. I won't do a second birthday but I will do a meal/party/whatever DD wants when she is old enough to tell us what she wants on her special day.

For those that say "be grateful for the 1 gift" well we are! I never said I was ungrateful, simply that I had hoped after agreeing all round as a family that we would keep the 2 separate, the "no joint gifts" was actually agreed all round months and months prior to Christmas day. As others have said, some will, some won't, but as DD grows up I am sure we will have raised her correctly to smile and say thank you, but tell us how she really feels about it once that person has gone (and I don't mean bitch about them behind their backs, just to share her views if she has any off her own back with no influence from us)

FWIW we had a lovely birthday with her today, and most family respected our wishes to keep it separate from Christmas. Those that didn't, should they do it again next year will definately be told she is getting old and will know. I am not a controlling person so I do resent people saying as such, i know I can't control gift giving but I can share our thoughts and feelings on it with close family and regardless I do expect some level of respect for our wishes for our child in 2 separate days - its the same to me as say a grandparent looking after her for a few hours and saying "no chocolate please", it's a request that obviously can and sometimes will be ignored, but it doesn't hurt as a parent to share your wishes!

Lastly, are you kidding me?! Poor planning with a baby?! She came when she came, extremely late and in and out of hospital for days over christmas! We didn't plan pregnancy in March it just happened that way and I wouldn't ever take that back for the convenience of having a summer baby over this. Not everyone is super fertile and can plan this month I'll get pregnant, sometimes it just happens and I wouldn't change my beautiful DD being born on any other day, despite all the issues around gift giving. I feel privileged to have been graced with such a beautiful healthy baby girl! And actually, having another baby close to Christmas might ensure they are both treated the same, both in christmas paper, both with joint gifts and both having it made up to them by us and other members of the family who do care, do have the time and thought to ensure her special birthday is just that, and christmas is for everyone.