Page 3 | Joint birthday and Christmas presents

AppleChunkPunk · 2023-12-26T19:44:09+00:00

My DD turns 1 tomorrow and I've specifically said since she was born "No joint presents!" Get her a small gift for 1 and put £5 in her account, or whatever people can afford, but do 2 things, they are separate special days. 2 family members - one from my side 1 from DP - have gone against our wishes and said she is only 1, she won't remember, it was an expensive gift so she will like it etc. AIBU for being angry they chose to go against what we asked? I said to both family members if her birthday was July you would have bought 2 gifts, but I still got "she won't know she is only 1". I'm not ungrateful for the gifts, they are lovely and DD probably won't know, but as parents we know, I'm upset they couldn't even put £1 in her card as a gift, or buy an actual birthday and actual Xmas present. Am I being silly?

IfTheresTeaTheresHope · 26/12/2023 21:47

Get used to it, first year of many disappointments regarding your child receiving joint gifts.

Hardbackwriter · 26/12/2023 21:50

WesselCups · 26/12/2023 20:41

One of my kids birthday is on 21st December.
If anyone gave a joint birthday and Christmas present, I would ask them where the Christmas gift was. If it was wrapped in Christmas paper, I would ask where the birthday gift was.
Then I would hand the present back with a no thanks.
They soon got the message. Either a present for both occasions or none at all.
I refused to allow a joint present because if the birthday had been at any other time of the year, they would have got a present for both occasions.
My birthday is in mid December and my mum took the same stance of a gift for both of none at all.

Did you really do this, though? Or just in your head? I am actually finding it hard to imagine someone being this rude and harder still to imagine that everyone wouldn't just stop buying the child presents altogether.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 26/12/2023 21:53

AppleChunkPunk · 26/12/2023 21:38

Because at 4 she will care and understand, surely its better to ask now than have a child who asks why she doesn't get treated like her friends at school on her birthday?

Celebrate her birthday on a different date for friends ie during the school term, and have a family party on the actual birthday date.

BrimfulOfMash · 26/12/2023 21:54

People are so lazy and thoughtless.

Chickenkeev · 26/12/2023 21:57

AppleChunkPunk · 26/12/2023 21:03

Thank you so much for all the responses, I really appreciate them all.

She is an only child however, that may not be the case forever if we are fortunate to have another baby in the near future and I'd like to know all kids will be treated fairly.

I'm definately not asking for more presents! Maybe I wasn't clear on that. If someone only had £5 say to spend, I'd rather 2 presents, 1 for her birthday and 1 for Christmas. I'm definately not grabby! We both work full time and are financially comfortable, we provide more than enough for her and she will always want for nothing, I suppose I was almost expecting her close family to respect both occasions as separate events, not rolled into 1 through lazyness and the poor excuse of "it was expensive". Maybe if she doesnt know what day of the week it is she will also not know how much people spent and will be less worried about 1 expensive present and enjoy 2 gifts knowing they were given on 2 separate days.

My little sister is 19th Dec and she had 2 separate events, and she was always very happy, but looking at some December baby responses where it was treated as the same day almost I'm feeling alot less unreasonable to ask for 2 separate events. I'm sorry you all felt a bit cheated out of your birthdays, I'll try my best not to let that happy to my baby!

Really now, 'seperate events'? Repeat that back to yourself a couple of times. I only have the one, we take what comes. We have no events. There is a birthday party.

14Q · 26/12/2023 21:58

Op
"Because at 4 she will care and understand, surely it's better to ask now than have a child who asks why she doesn't get treated like her friends at school on her birthday?"

Assuming that you would make a proper birthday fuss of her and assuming you would get her separate presents unless it was pointed out to her then she wouldn't notice that X and Y relative didn't get her separate presents. Even when she is older it wouldn't register unless you point it out. As for comparing herself to other kids she is just as likely to have friends that don't get any presents from relatives as friends who get lots of presents.

UsingChangeofName · 26/12/2023 21:59

I should also add, now I've read all the comments, they have chosen to only see her on 1 of the days - her birthday OR Christmas, so it's actually not even just gifts, it's time spent too.

You are being even more ridiculous now.
She won't have a clue.

If it is important to you that there is a day set aside on which to celebrate her specifically (not a criticism, I suspect most of us wanted to celebrate our dc's birthdays), then pick a convenient day in January, and invite your family round for a tea party to celebrate her birthday. It's not difficult. It's what people do who have August birthdays too, if you are wanting to compare with other school children. You know you can have a special celebration day on any day that is going to be convenient to birthday child's parents and intended guests, don't you ?

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 26/12/2023 22:00

2 of mine have birthdays close to Christmas and it does get hard. I tried very early on to ensure they got separate gifts and for the one who is just before Christmas tried to insist that the birthday present was with us for the day. Birthdays at other times it doesn't matter, you can get the gift when you see the person but with a birthday just before Christmas you end up with the birthday being swallowed by everything else and then never getting "your" day because everybody else has presents too.

It has been a semi success I guess. Some relatives ignored us but they ignore most things.

When the kids got older they sometimes asked for a joint Christmas and birthday present as the twigged they could get the really big, expensive Lego sets that way! Which is fine as it comes from the child. Though then gets awkward got the child who doesn't have a Christmas birthday and doesn't get that option!

Essentially, you'll never get it exactly right, there are pros to having a Christmas birthday too so don't stress too much.

ALonelyRoad · 26/12/2023 22:01

My birthday is 19 December... I always got a joint birthday and Christmas gifts from various family members (obviously not my own parents). It was always annoying to me as a kid as my sibling is born several months after xmas so always got two separate gifts. However, as an adult, I understand that xmas is a very expensive time of year so don't hold it against anyone.

Its unfair but will always happen, no matter how much you tell family not to do it. Luckily my boys are spring/summer babies with very few birthdays in the same month so won't have to experience this.

aintnospringchicken · 26/12/2023 22:10

DC has a birthday 2 days before Christmas.We have always given separate birthday and Christmas presents as have all our family and friends.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/12/2023 22:21

AppleChunkPunk · 26/12/2023 21:17

I should also add, now I've read all the comments, they have chosen to only see her on 1 of the days - her birthday OR Christmas, so it's actually not even just gifts, it's time spent too.

I wouldn't have batted an eye lid if everyone said "no presents at all this year" we would have bought her gifts from us and been thankful her family visited, but they didn't

Who are “family”? Realistically, you need to recognise that whilst your DD is front and centre of your world, and probably fairly important to her grandparents, she really isn’t likely to be a priority for other relatives. For me, December is very busy: I have my work, my many friends, my social life, and Christmas preparations on my mind. My baby niece is pretty down the list of things I’m thinking about and had my niece had been a Christmas baby then faffing about trying to think about sorting separate presents and arranging separate visits for birthday and Christmas really wouldn’t have even been on my radar. You need to reign in your expectations or else by the time she’s actually old enough to know about birthdays you’re going to end up with relatives not bothering with you at all because they don’t want to risk drama.

Jandob · 26/12/2023 22:26

Have another birthday in June for her.

Marchitectmummy · 26/12/2023 23:40

One of my daughters is born very close to Christmas too. Its not all about presents and as with the rest of life you can't control other people - only yourself.

You as parents can make a fuss of her birthday and differentiate between it and Christmas

Have a party and her friends will bring gifts. Make the day special with food and gifts when she is older.

But do not try to control people, you won't succeed.

Lucky2shoes · 26/12/2023 23:48

don't blame you op try to start as you would like it to continue because unfortunately this is likely to continue. My ds although now 23 was born Christmas day and I always felt he dipped out a bit.

Blanketpolicy · 26/12/2023 23:51

Its birthday is tomorrow too! Happy Birthday to your dd!

Some people will give joint presents others will go for separate presents, it is their decision to make not yours. Your dd will get over it if you dont make a fuss and raise her to be thankful for all gifts like we all should be.

It is your job as her parents to make her birthday special not others.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 26/12/2023 23:57

I think joint presents are fine if they are genuinely double the value or particularly special. DH’s birthday is just before Christmas and he used to get ‘joint presents’ that were clearly relatives/friends forgetting he had a birthday too because his siblings all got the same plus a birthday present. DD’s birthday is in 3 weeks and she got her joint birthday/Christmas present from us yesterday. It was a phone though and a lot of money! I have had joint presents from my parents and other family when they’ve been worth two things. My birthday is in April.

YABU to dictate this.

usererror99 · 27/12/2023 06:49

I should also add, now I've read all the comments, they have chosen to only see her on 1 of the days - her birthday OR Christmas

You are being silly now

I have close immediate family who have bdays less than a week from Xmas day - I'm not going to visit them twice. I have a life and things to do and my own kids that doesn't revolve around theirs

If you are planning on having more children maybe skip trying to conceive for a month around March/April to avoid this issue again

Brefugee · 27/12/2023 07:17

Mariposistaa · 26/12/2023 20:59

Life is not all about presents. Especially not at Christmas. Time spent with family and friends is so much more important

Show quote history

not when you're a kid.

To the Pp above with the Christmas Day birthday - maybe your parents advocated for you when you were too small to notice?

My birthday is 2nd week in December. Double greeting in a birthday card has never been a problem for me because i live abroad and postage is expensive. But most people who combine the postage, actually put 2 cards in the envelope.

Brefugee · 27/12/2023 07:21

My son is now a teenager and we discussed it today, whenever he mentions his birthday someone always asks if he gets the short straw on presents. The difficulty, especially as he gets older, is that there is a limit on what we can get him without getting into buying something for the sake of it.

only child, right? because that's the only way this makes any sense

BalletBob · 27/12/2023 07:23

WesselCups · 26/12/2023 20:41

One of my kids birthday is on 21st December.
If anyone gave a joint birthday and Christmas present, I would ask them where the Christmas gift was. If it was wrapped in Christmas paper, I would ask where the birthday gift was.
Then I would hand the present back with a no thanks.
They soon got the message. Either a present for both occasions or none at all.
I refused to allow a joint present because if the birthday had been at any other time of the year, they would have got a present for both occasions.
My birthday is in mid December and my mum took the same stance of a gift for both of none at all.

I can't decide if this is a send up of the OP or whether someone would genuinely be this crass and rude. There are some... interesting characters about so you never know.

If true, I'm amazed that your relatives ever bought another gift again. I'd have taken it back for a refund and you'd not have received another bean from me again. Grabby in the extreme.

Coolhwip · 27/12/2023 07:26

AppleChunkPunk · 26/12/2023 21:17

I should also add, now I've read all the comments, they have chosen to only see her on 1 of the days - her birthday OR Christmas, so it's actually not even just gifts, it's time spent too.

I wouldn't have batted an eye lid if everyone said "no presents at all this year" we would have bought her gifts from us and been thankful her family visited, but they didn't

I think you’re being very PFB.

They got her one expensive gift because she’s 1 and won’t know any different.

They probably also think you’re entitled demanding presents.

And to top it off, you’re expecting people to see your baby on 25 and 27th Dec. They may have other plans!

Just message everyone and say you don’t want to exchange presents for the dc anymore.

twinklystar23 · 27/12/2023 07:28

Still buy individual birthday and Xmas presents for my DN who was 27 yesterday.
I would try and have a conversation,yes she is too young now but it's a bit shit if they continue to do this.

Projectme · 27/12/2023 07:47

OP, I agree, stop the 'joint' presents as soon as you can. It doesn't matter that your child is 'only 1'!

My DH has a twin sister and they were born v close to Xmas. They were given joint birthday & Christmas presents TO SHARE every year from quite a few family members. So for example, they were given a board game as their birthday and Xmas present (so the gift was each of their bday and Xmas present). unreal!

I was so shocked that this happened to both of them growing up that I go all out for DH and his twin sisters bday. Balloons, banners, cake and individual presents wrapped in birthday paper.

We all know when someone's bday is don't we? If it's around Xmas, it doesn't take much to prepare for a Xmas bday in September does it? Really? Bday cards for 'husband' are hard to find in the shops in December so I buy his bday card in September and start buying bday presents at the same time.

It just takes a little more thought and preparation doesn't it? People who do the joint present thing are being bloody lazy.

My DH and his sister are always grateful and appreciative to anyone who acknowledges their bday, gifts or not, but I know that DH feels a teeny bit hurt when his gets overlooked by friends/family 'because it's xmas'. I don't blame him. Especially when his other siblings (2 of them) both got separate bday presents cos their bdays are in the summer months.

Sorry, that was long but I get so pissed off on their behalf!

CatamaranViper · 27/12/2023 07:51

Ah we have this. DS has his birthday on 20th but we always make a huge deal about keeping them separate.

I think, while it's not possible for people to necessarily see them on both days at a very busy time of year, it's incredibly lazy to not acknowledge that they are 2 separate events.

We've said that when DS is older and wants more expensive things like consoles and driving lessons etc, then he'll have the option of having something different or having them as joint presents

Coolhwip · 27/12/2023 07:53

CatamaranViper · 27/12/2023 07:51

Ah we have this. DS has his birthday on 20th but we always make a huge deal about keeping them separate.

I think, while it's not possible for people to necessarily see them on both days at a very busy time of year, it's incredibly lazy to not acknowledge that they are 2 separate events.

We've said that when DS is older and wants more expensive things like consoles and driving lessons etc, then he'll have the option of having something different or having them as joint presents

Are you expecting people to give him consoles and pay for driving lessons?