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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

M&S for everyone else... Primark for DIL

176 replies

IrisVonEverec · 26/12/2023 19:25

Can't help but feel there is a message in the pjs handed out by MIL this Christmas.

The primark ones weren't even character based/specially chosen/christmassy. They're just grey all over. And there's no excuses for "don't really know her" as we've been together 20 years.

OP posts:
Ktime · 26/12/2023 20:33

IAmAnIdiot123 · 26/12/2023 20:24

I doubt that tbh, primark isn't cheap anymore. Did the others all match OP? Or did she just pick ones she thought each person would like?

Show quote history

There is a difference, the cheap plain pyjamas at Primark are £8, whereas the pyjamas at M&S are £20.

starfishmummy · 26/12/2023 20:35

I would end up donating them as I don't wear pj's. I wouldn't expect mil to know that, but I'd expect her to have asked dh.

Soontobe60 · 26/12/2023 20:36

MiddleagedBeachbum · 26/12/2023 20:13

Yeah she’s being a petty spiteful bitch.

Hope your DH can see it x

Why? You sound delightful!
OP, if your MIL had bought your DH a pair of silk pyjamas from Harrods and you a second hand pair from the local PDSA charity shop, I might understand your annoyance. But come on - M+S vs Primark? There really isn’t that much difference in quality or price, and plain grey is lovely. Don’t be such a labels snob.

Goldbar · 26/12/2023 20:37

I don't know why lots of people are going on about the quality of the pyjamas - that's irrelevant imo.

It's definitely a statement of some sort - getting your whole family except you pyjamas from one shop and getting you different, much less exciting pyjamas from a cheaper shop.

YANBU.

Justsaynoclowns · 26/12/2023 20:37

If they are the grey with the trim pj’s. Then she did well, they are trendy. M&S cheapest were £15 women less with sparks offer.

Ktime · 26/12/2023 20:37

Soontobe60 · 26/12/2023 20:36

Why? You sound delightful!
OP, if your MIL had bought your DH a pair of silk pyjamas from Harrods and you a second hand pair from the local PDSA charity shop, I might understand your annoyance. But come on - M+S vs Primark? There really isn’t that much difference in quality or price, and plain grey is lovely. Don’t be such a labels snob.

Show quote history

The point is the singling out OP for cheap stuff. Everyone else on the family got M&S, only Op got dull grey PJs from Primark.

Livelovebehappy · 26/12/2023 20:39

Does your mil understand the difference? My DM had never heard of Primark until one of her neighbours bought her a scarf from there. Maybe she’s seen that Stacey Solomon is linked to Primark, so thinks it’s more relevant than what it is? I don’t shop at Primark, but I know a lot of people would rather have clothes from there than frumpy M&S…

IAmAnIdiot123 · 26/12/2023 20:42

Ktime · 26/12/2023 20:33

There is a difference, the cheap plain pyjamas at Primark are £8, whereas the pyjamas at M&S are £20.

Show quote history

The only grey adult set on their website is £15 and M&S are all thr same value. These plain grey ones seem to be really popular and sold out everywhere. Possibly the MIL bought those first then thought it would be nice to do family pj's and was in m&s so got the others there. OP doesn't say the others were funky or matching or anything, just that they came from M&S.

ActuallyChristmas · 26/12/2023 20:45

I just hope no one buys me PJs for Christmas 😂 I’d much rather have chocs or a jumper. Some of my favourite jumpers come from Primark

IAmAnIdiot123 · 26/12/2023 20:45

Ktime · 26/12/2023 20:43

Yes but OP didn’t get the satin stripe ones.

She got plain ones, so likely like these for £8

https://www.primark.com/en-gb/p/patterned-fleece-pyjama-set-grey-991084468706

Show quote history

They are purple.

I think it was these, the only actual grey ones I can find on there, except maternity.

https://www.primark.com/en-gb/p/polka-dot-jersey-pyjamas-grey-991079573706

Polka Dot Jersey Pyjamas

Experience style and comfort with our polka dot PJs!

https://www.primark.com/en-gb/p/polka-dot-jersey-pyjamas-grey-991079573706

Ktime · 26/12/2023 20:48

@IAmAnIdiot123 they are grey! Check the description

IAmAnIdiot123 · 26/12/2023 20:49

Ktime · 26/12/2023 20:48

@IAmAnIdiot123 they are grey! Check the description

They are covered in purple hearts!

Moveoverdarlin · 26/12/2023 20:49

FWIW I’d much rather have plain grey than tacky character ones or Christmasy ones.

Dunnoburt · 26/12/2023 20:51

Not rtft but my guess is she's forgotten to buy for you and sent one of her 'children' to get you some.....M&S in my opinion is highly overrated...

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/12/2023 20:51

I think age and attitude plays a part.

My mother, in her early 70's, wouldnt shop at Primark with a gun to her head as she perceives it as "cheap rubbish". She views M&S and naice and good quality. The people who shop in Primark by choice rather than neccessity, are common. And so on..... yes she is a snob although she would deny that. The vast majority of her friends are the same, M&S get their money and they wouldnt consider anywhere else to be as good.

So if MIL has that same perception as my mother, it is most definitely a slight. However if she is 20 years younger and much more aware of trends then she may have gone for the much sought after Primark ones (which I only heard about thanks to this thread!), thinking that it the OP would prefer it.

Context is everything here I think.

snackatack · 26/12/2023 20:51

I hear you. .

Lots of people being 'pointedly' blind to the issue

M and S - is a 'better shop' for a generation of older folk .. Primark is the 'cheap' version (regardless of if that is true - it is how older generations think)

To buy everyone but you M and S - is pointed.

you can always take the grey back to Primark they might exchange.

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/12/2023 20:53

I needed to grab a pair for DD for a sleepover when we realised that all her "proper" PJ's didnt fit anymore (she sleeps in her onsie at home)! And there were some plain grey PJs, they were like long johns,. Ribbed knitted jersey, vv plain and uninspiring, although I did consider buying a pair to wear as underwear under my work uniform!

Candycurrantbun · 26/12/2023 21:00

So now the ageist comments appear.

Candycurrantbun · 26/12/2023 21:02

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/12/2023 20:53

I needed to grab a pair for DD for a sleepover when we realised that all her "proper" PJ's didnt fit anymore (she sleeps in her onsie at home)! And there were some plain grey PJs, they were like long johns,. Ribbed knitted jersey, vv plain and uninspiring, although I did consider buying a pair to wear as underwear under my work uniform!

I bought my DD those. She loved them. Not everyone wants hearts and cartoon characters or stupid twee slogans on their PJs.

Birthdaygal · 26/12/2023 21:07

I went round m and s last week looking for slouch pjs. Couldn’t find anything suitable which is unusual. So perhaps this is what happened.

Crooklodge · 26/12/2023 21:10

Please tell me this is my mother posting about db and sil?

My brother and sil always buy our Xmas pjs from primark, well there were the ones for me from studio one year that got given straight to dd , who was bout 10 at the time. My favourite jammies are actually blue with white cloud primark toy story ones db got me bout 8 year ago now.

I burst my head finding just plain purple ones for sil, as that's what she likes. We live rurally, went into Primark when in the city a few weeks ago, only size 18 in every single cosy jammies, think the sil would prefer some that fit!

Catandsquirrel · 26/12/2023 21:11

The grey button down for 15 are beaut. Shame they don't sell online or id have a pair now

Paresse · 26/12/2023 21:13

It may or may not be a message that you are less valued - it depends how your MIL perceives the respective brands.

Personally I would get her something from Primark of comparable quality/stylishness for her next birthday and Christmas presents. If she rates Primark and that kind of style, then she's given you what she perceives as a nice present, and she's received nice presents back. If she thinks Primark is undesirable tat, then you're giving her a bit of karma and she can't say anything to complain without outing herself.

Personally I don't think there's that much to choose between those 2 brands (depending on the item), but a lot of people perceive M&S as "better," and your MIL may well be one of them.