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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

M&S for everyone else... Primark for DIL

176 replies

IrisVonEverec · 26/12/2023 19:25

Can't help but feel there is a message in the pjs handed out by MIL this Christmas.

The primark ones weren't even character based/specially chosen/christmassy. They're just grey all over. And there's no excuses for "don't really know her" as we've been together 20 years.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 26/12/2023 19:44

It's othering op to single her item out and purchase it from somewhere else, it's saying, " I don't consider you family like the rest. "
It's not nice op.

LesLavandes · 26/12/2023 19:45

I would be happy to be gifted any pjs

Candycurrantbun · 26/12/2023 19:45

Some primark PJs are not necessarily cheaper then some M & S ones.

Scrantonicity2 · 26/12/2023 19:47

It's othering op to single her item out and purchase it from somewhere else, it's saying, " I don't consider you family like the rest. ".

No it isn't. It's insane to think that buying from multiple shops is saying that.

Spirallingdownwards · 26/12/2023 19:47

Personally I would prefer a plain classy grey than naff Christmas themed tat whichever shop they were from. Maybe she thought the same.

Candycurrantbun · 26/12/2023 19:49

I bought some of my family PJs, Some from Primark, some from Matalan and some from M & S. I doubt they give a shit about the labels.

EarlofShrewsbury · 26/12/2023 19:51

She might have picked grey as she thought it was nice and classy.

Like those grey living rooms all over insta, grey sofa, grey carpet, grey curtains, silver cushions.

I don't like it but others do, maybe she was thinking like that.

Candycurrantbun · 26/12/2023 19:53

It always amazes me how some Mumsnetter go to great lengths to find fault with anything their MiLs do.

InSpainTheRain · 26/12/2023 19:53

YaNBU, but my advise is keep your expectations very low, get DH to handle any comms/arrangements and then yiu won't be disappointed. Essentially adjust the amount of effort you put in to match hers.

DragonMama3 · 26/12/2023 19:55

Charity shop them and return the favour next time...

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2023 19:56

Regift them to her next year.

steff13 · 26/12/2023 19:57

ChateauDuMont · 26/12/2023 19:28

Maybe they didn't have your size so she had to source similar from elsewhere?

How did you know all the others were a different brand?

This happened with my family's Christmas pajamas this year.

thinslicedham · 26/12/2023 19:57

When one person is singled out, and that one person is not related by blood, I would definitely suspect it was intentional unless there was an obvious reason or an explanation given. I'd just file it away in my mind. If you typically have the feeling that she doesn't like you, I'd let DH handle dealings with her and not expect much from the relationship.

Candycurrantbun · 26/12/2023 19:57

DragonMama3 · 26/12/2023 19:55

Charity shop them and return the favour next time...

Why would you charity shop them? OP doesn't say there is anything wrong with them, just that they are not M & S.

NumberTheory · 26/12/2023 20:00

It does seem symbolic. It could be well intentioned - maybe you give the impression you’re a bit more sophisticated than DH and the kids and wouldn’t appreciated a smiling reindeer with a red nose just above your nipple - but since you’re miffed that probably isn’t the case?

It doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things. If this is a one off, ignore it. If it’s the general way she is with you just let DH keep up his and the kids’ relationship with her and spend your own thought and energy on those who like you.

stayathomer · 26/12/2023 20:01

Anything I was about to say- she bought the others first, forgot you then had to run into Primark etc kind of aren’t any better and back up your theory. Also yes, I like grey but I get it’s not exactly a nice present. Pretty crap:(

Boredatthemoment · 26/12/2023 20:03

I would always prefer Primark over M&S for PJs. And grey is nice and classy. Even though I normally buy the cartoon character ones at the age of 49.

MikeRafone · 26/12/2023 20:04

m&S is seen as a better present than primark and if I got Primark and everyone else got M&S then I would wonder why.

Its not about quality control etc

id also be going to Primark for MIL present next year as whats good for the goose is good for the gander

InvisibleDuck · 26/12/2023 20:08

I'd prefer plain grey PJs to kids' cartoon characters, baby pink, or worst of all Christmas-themed (I find Christmas PJs/jumpers/etc. really wasteful). Relatives I've known all my life still misjudge my taste dramatically sometimes. That or they buy what they think I ought to like instead, or are doing the adult equivalent of the 'what do 10 year old girls like these days?' present threads we see on MN - where people generalise and hope the individual they're buying for likes what they've heard others do.

I wouldn't take it personally. She probably hoped you'd like them!

Tilllly · 26/12/2023 20:09

Charity them (assuming you don't want them) and let her know in passing

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 26/12/2023 20:10

Maybe she thought you were too cool for M&S?

ArchetypalBusyMum · 26/12/2023 20:10

I know what you mean op.
My mil knows I like various nice gins (we have this in common! She is always given they hid stuff if she comes to our house) She will buy posh gin for others, Gordon's for me (nothing wrong with it, but she is minted and wouldn't touch the stuff herself, so it's a snub from her). Everyone else gets nice posh chocolates, I get a bar of value supermarket own brand.
Recently she has had to concede that maybe I'm not a waste of space (I'm helping DH achieve his lifelong dream, and we've been together 21 years and her only GC are delightful - so she can't keep despising me too much), so I've been upgraded to taste the difference chocolate! I feel honoured. 🤣

Candycurrantbun · 26/12/2023 20:12

Maybe she thought you would prefer the Primark ones?

Fancycheese · 26/12/2023 20:13

Tilllly · 26/12/2023 20:09

Charity them (assuming you don't want them) and let her know in passing

This would be incredibly rude. What would the point be? Would you actually do this?

MiddleagedBeachbum · 26/12/2023 20:13

Yeah she’s being a petty spiteful bitch.

Hope your DH can see it x