To hope that it doesn’t have to be like this?!

[Switchingoff]

I will probably be flamed for this as a non parent but it’s a genuine q.

Spent Christmas with 4 kids on DP’s side, ages ranging from 9mo to 2.5 (and their parents).

It was absolute non stop them clinging to or crying for there mummys, not listening when told they couldn’t do something dangerous etc (obviously mostly applies to the older ones), being super picky about food, who fed them, where they sat etc, waking up multiple times a night, parents getting pissy if anyone dared to so much as breathe too loudly when kids were napping / had gone to bed etc. Everything (Christmas meal, present opening etc) had to be timed around their completely different nap and meal times. Every possible source of light that might come under doors had to be removed. Parents had to stay with them once asleep or they would cry when they woke (several times a night) - largely applied to two of the under 2s. Or in another case spend an hour putting to sleep.

It was frustrating, exhausting and somewhat ridiculous tbh.

im sure when we were kids we had to go with the flow a bit more and would often just fall asleep in a room full of people and be put to bed when adults went up?

currently TTC but tbh this is putting me off! Does it have to be like this or can you parent differently?! Since when did EVERYTHING revolve round the kids and since when were they so unresilient?!

So why did they invite everyone and their kids and then complain about it?

Please come back and read this if you ever have kids in the future. You will be humbled! It’s fucking difficult. Everyone thinks they know how to parent before they actually have kids (myself included). Everyone’s just doing their best.

OP this is totally an age thing. If your post was word for word the same but all the kids were over 4 then I’d have been right on your side. That would be shitty parenting (SEN aside of course)

Yes, it doesn't make any sense, inviting distance relatives/friends, random people from the village, for Christmas day that you can barely tolerate all with very young children. 🤔

Yep 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I agree with you OP. Mine is 17 now and I don't understand modern parenting.

If we went out and he was tired, he just slept in my arms / buggy / whatever was there.

He'd normally eat whatever was on offer or just have some toast.

Never clingy, would go to anyone.

Nowadays my friends with younger kids are held hostage by them and I don't get it.

And here come the perfect parent brigade 😂 do your kids shit diamonds as well? I never understand the complete and utter lack of empathy that some women have for other mothers. Congratulations on your parenting.

And another one! 😂

The sanctimony.

If you read the OP’s posts you’ll see the parents are behaving quite badly and do seem to think their kids shit diamonds.

I agree with you completely. People who have easy children believe it is down to superior parenting and everyone else is just a fuck up.

Tbf, I am super lucky with my 6 year old. But I am well aware that it’s simply that, luck! And not everyone else has it so easy.

The OP asked a question and I answered it. And the truth is. It doesn’t have to be like that. This post wasn’t about empathy for parents who have hard work with their kids!

i feel like you’re obviously one of the 2 hours. A Night camp and that’s ok, no need to be rude or sarcastic to me though, when I’ve simply answered the original question.

I agree with you, I have a nearly 17 year old and when he was two, stayed with him whilst he drifted off and definitely did so in my brother's big drafty old house, when we stayed for New year.

I’ve read them. My point still stands. It might just be because I’m in the parenting trenches with young kids at the minute, but I detest the joy many people seem to get from piling on parents. Every other parent and other people’s kids are always the problem. Whereas they parent brilliantly all the time. Why not some honesty about how fucking hard it can be and some empathy?

your post was sanctimonious and judgmental. It’s not always a choice. You’ve parented your children and then made huge assumptions about how others parent there’s. That is rude.

How much more empathy do they need? They’ve got everyone else running round after their kids, they’re not cleaning up mess and they’re also expecting silence on Christmas Day.

Everything in life is a choice. Pointing out that people make choices is not even a bit rude, but you’re clearly taking this incredibly personally. So maybe step away from the post if it pushes your buttons so much.

You just keep digging deeper! Children under 2.5 cling to their parents because they're still FUCKING BABIES! I can't believe a grown adult is on MUMSnet complaining about babies clinging to their parents, jesus fucking wept!

My youngest had reflux as a baby, would vomit the breast milk back up and we'd have to start again, I wouldn't leave her to lie in her own vomit or in pain FFS!

The OP still hasn't explained why all these randomly disconnected children were at her parents' house.

I can’t believe you’re this aggressive without reading the OP’s posts.

The parents sound awful.

I bet the people that agree with you haven’t had little children in a long long time! Oh how you forget.

I was an awesome parent before I had kids too OP.

But the parents shouldn’t then expect everyone else to wait for them. Just take care of your baby and let others get on with their Christmas.

No, they don’t sound awful. They don’t sound perfect either, tbf - but not awful. Some of them probably should have done more if OPs account of the day is accurate.

But you’ve quoted a post specifically about the OP complaining about the clinginess. Babies are clingy. That’s not bad parenting, it’s a fact of life.

How is everything in life a choice? What about if your children are born with disabilities, how's that a choice?

OP it isn't only the baby years, my DH and I were invited to a Christmas party last year and every teenager except ours so 15 -18 had social anxiety.

Expecting people to not be yelling or really loud is fine, but they shouldn't have to be tiptoeing around. I did need to stay with them for naps and in the early evening though if anyone wanted any peace and quiet and not all night crying. It's very unreasonable to say they shouldn't do that.

You don't try and teach your 2.5 year old to be resilient by keeping them up all night or leaving them crying so all the adults can sit together and chat. Babies and toddlers need to feel safe and secure. OP you may well end up with a couple of years where you have to do these things, but that time passes and it's not long in the scheme of things and if you have a half decent partner you'll be taking turns to settle them or stay with them. Yes parenting has changed, but it needed too. This is a good thing, not a bad one. If it's putting you off having DC maybe that's something you should think long and hard about. Parenting isn't for everyone.