To hope that it doesn’t have to be like this?!

[Switchingoff]

I will probably be flamed for this as a non parent but it’s a genuine q.

Spent Christmas with 4 kids on DP’s side, ages ranging from 9mo to 2.5 (and their parents).

It was absolute non stop them clinging to or crying for there mummys, not listening when told they couldn’t do something dangerous etc (obviously mostly applies to the older ones), being super picky about food, who fed them, where they sat etc, waking up multiple times a night, parents getting pissy if anyone dared to so much as breathe too loudly when kids were napping / had gone to bed etc. Everything (Christmas meal, present opening etc) had to be timed around their completely different nap and meal times. Every possible source of light that might come under doors had to be removed. Parents had to stay with them once asleep or they would cry when they woke (several times a night) - largely applied to two of the under 2s. Or in another case spend an hour putting to sleep.

It was frustrating, exhausting and somewhat ridiculous tbh.

im sure when we were kids we had to go with the flow a bit more and would often just fall asleep in a room full of people and be put to bed when adults went up?

currently TTC but tbh this is putting me off! Does it have to be like this or can you parent differently?! Since when did EVERYTHING revolve round the kids and since when were they so unresilient?!

9m to 2.5 in age can be tough

It gets much easier as they get older.

Anything you are remembering from childhood will be older than that age range.

The parents should have made the meals...

It is completely reasonable for grown adults that are close to you to expect accomodation and flexibility with this age group. Believe me, if my parents hadn't been like this or my brother, then I wouldn't go as I would conclude they are selfish. Luckily for me, my Mum totally understand and was very helpful with these slight accomodations, I e a bit of quiet when they were drifting off, not banging around upstairs, accepting me sitting with them, she probably knew it would last not that long in the scheme of things!

2 years ago I would have thought the same. I now have a 1 year old who has just spent her 1st proper Christmas with my in-laws. My days revolve around her naps and her meals and she's constantly trying to do dangerous things so most conversations abruptly end after about 30 seconds as I need to go and stop her from climbing up the stairs or sticking her fingers into an electrical socket. She has separation anxiety and I can't leave the room until she's asleep in the evening. Multiple night wakings. Plenty of whining. I feel like a right arse for how intolerant I used to be.

Your post is just annoying tbh.

Right, got ya. So are you saying that for the entire time your DPs family with their kids were at your parents house, that your parents cooked all of their meals for them and cleared up after them and all sets of parents didn’t do a thing? I find that hard to believe.

Were your parents OK with hosting this many kids for this long? Your parents obviously have experience with small children, did they think this would go smoothly?

😂

We’ve all been there 😂
Solidarity to you. It will get easier!

God I hate people who use the word 'karen/karen's' to denigrate other women. Total misogyny.

Just thank your lucky stars you were able to go home to peace and quiet 😅 For the parents of those children this is their life! Definitely be prepared for this if you have kids.

Having said that, mine always went out with us as a baby. We very rarely organised things around her naptimes. When on holiday she fell asleep whenever and at home I always kept the hoover and music on when she slept.
She's quite chilled out now at 6.
It will get easier for them. It's a phase.

How fucking rude.

I knew this was a sibling situation and parents' house. Did your siblings have much choice and if they all stayed at home would your parents be hurt, would the child free left include your parents and you? I have been in this situation as I am the youngest but I do t get it in all honesty my boyfriend (husband now) and I attended these family gatherings and accepted that this is what it would be like, looking forward to returning home to our childfree life in our mid 20s but then again wasn't Tracing at that time as it wasn't for me then!

TTC not tracing

@svenandmolly

So you'd neglect the needs of your small children so much (while getting hammered) that they'd end up falling asleep where they stood out of sheer exhaustion?

Even dafter than the OP

But it wasn’t just the mum there, this was a family gathering on Christmas Day.

Totally unreasonable to expect silence / doors shut / low lights etc.

No one forced the parents to come, they could have stayed home and had silence galore.

Read the thread, it was a typo.

No, I never said that.

parents were given a list of things to add to Christmas food shopping list

parents (and other adults including me!) did make and clear up several of the kids meals. Plus helping out with other general kid stuff (entertaining them so parents could shower, helping with bath, fetching stuff etc etc) The parents did some of all of that also of course. But also, several of the parents barely did anything to help contribute to the wider work eg prep and clearing up of adult meals as they were apparently too busy, or tidying up after themselves or their children (toys, one wanted to borrow some sellotape, was handed it from a drawer and then didn’t bother putting it back - when this was mentioned it was IM BUSY as her child was in the middle of a meal, with the father there too)

parents were slightly dreading it tbh… but hadn’t spent extended time with the other kids only their own granddaughter. My parents dote on her and her parents (especially my sibling) basically abdicate responsibility as soon as they walk in the door. But usually she’s the only one here. Tbf she’s quite good with sleeping etc, just has become a bit of a nightmare with dangerous things and food!

It doesn't have to be like that. Ours never had set nap times etc, if they were tired I'd put them down to sleep. From day one they never had a silent room to sleep in, they slept in a moses basket downstairs etc so there was always background noise. They could happily sleep anywhere and have always been pretty chilled out.

Not really as the context indicates they are all pretty much parents except the OP. It appears they are in that stage of their life so if they followed through with your suggestion which doubtless many of them would have loved to do, stay at home out of sheer exhaustion, would that only leave the OP and her parents at the family gathering.

I think being adaptable comes with them getting older. My 1 year old has been completely out of sorts with all the festivities this week and was dog tired so I spent parts of the day upstairs coaxing him into a nap - and the guests downstairs were careful to be quiet for us.
In terms of food, I just gave him some Christmas dinner and let him graze on cheese and crackers in the day time - I dont think I’d be cooking so many different meals unless there was some major sensory issues.
But watching my older nieces (8 & 10) gave me hope it won’t always be like this 😂, they didn’t need naps, bum changes and fed themselves like proper little humans and it was lovely to get a glimmer of the future.

Only one was a sibling. Others extended family. Nobody had to come or come for so long! Only one family couldn’t have come just for the day as well.

Not the case! Parents made up about half of the group.

Sounds like OP and her parents would have been just fine with only them though.

So what is the context then, who are they in relation to your parents, why wer they invited at all, seems odd to invite people your barely know for Christmas day. Why invite them?

I think the grandparents should just invite their own grandchild and her parents from now on.

The parents sound quite lazy and entitled.