To hope that it doesn’t have to be like this?!

[Switchingoff]

I will probably be flamed for this as a non parent but it’s a genuine q.

Spent Christmas with 4 kids on DP’s side, ages ranging from 9mo to 2.5 (and their parents).

It was absolute non stop them clinging to or crying for there mummys, not listening when told they couldn’t do something dangerous etc (obviously mostly applies to the older ones), being super picky about food, who fed them, where they sat etc, waking up multiple times a night, parents getting pissy if anyone dared to so much as breathe too loudly when kids were napping / had gone to bed etc. Everything (Christmas meal, present opening etc) had to be timed around their completely different nap and meal times. Every possible source of light that might come under doors had to be removed. Parents had to stay with them once asleep or they would cry when they woke (several times a night) - largely applied to two of the under 2s. Or in another case spend an hour putting to sleep.

It was frustrating, exhausting and somewhat ridiculous tbh.

im sure when we were kids we had to go with the flow a bit more and would often just fall asleep in a room full of people and be put to bed when adults went up?

currently TTC but tbh this is putting me off! Does it have to be like this or can you parent differently?! Since when did EVERYTHING revolve round the kids and since when were they so unresilient?!

100% agree with this

They sound awful to me. Not clearing up after their own children, expecting others to cook their meals, two parents feeding one child so they can get out of housework, and then expecting silence on Christmas Day. Awful.

You are exaggerating the OPs already exaggerated posts.

No, it doesn't have to be that way at all. You can do things differently with yours. However, Christmas can be very tricky with small children and things might be less intense on a day to day basis when they are in their own homes. My DD, for example, is a delight and easy peasy most of the time. But staying with relatives, over Christmas, with excitement, things go off piste!

Again, asking for a bit of quiet at bedtime even providing information about the food preferences is not demanding it is looking after their baby!

Why were all these children around the Op's parents' house for Christmas day if they aren't close in any way??

No, I haven’t, I’ve summarised. The detail is worse.

With 4 different babies, it’s not just expecting silence at bedtime, it’s asking for silence all day and evening.

So why invite loads of babies around to your house on Christmas day at all then?! The parents of the OP have experience of a grandchild, why did they think that child X4 or 5 was a good idea. It is not rocket science to imagine what that would look like with so many young babies!

OP, having children isn't just about having babies, babies become children, become teenagers, become adults! It is for life so has it put you off babies or the whole package

You keep asking me why they were invited, I’m
not the Op

Perhaps the hosts thought the parents would chip in more and be less demanding.

My middle gc who is 5 was quite overwhelmed still this Christmas. It really does depend on the child, the fact they're not home, out of routine generally, over stimulated and usually full of food stuffs they don't get to eat so much of.
You may find staying in your own home (if you decide to continue ttc) at Christmas easier when yours are wee.

If you're born pre 1995 we pretty much raised ourselves.. this is now frowned upon quiete a large deal. Around 90% of my childhood would result in some kind of ss case.

Them kids are very young and at that age little creatures of routine.. so maybe back in the day they may have been screamed at to go to bed /smacked ect left to cry ect so the adults could get their fun.

I don't think you mean malice here but when you do have kids something switches in your head all of the sudden the I wouldn't do x y z blur into what's best for your child.

If I'm understanding correctly it wasn't your house and you weren't hosting. Frankly, then, it's pretty irrelevant how long you think other people should or shouldn't be staying for...

Oh sorry, forgot you were here to witness what ACTUALLY happened…!

to all those making leaps of logic, the kids aren’t randomly unconnected. Don’t want to be too outing but they’re all part of a big but close family and have spent some time together before in combinations. But their parents aren’t siblings.

Sounds hellish! Our children have always been fairly flexible with all this stuff although we had to have a more structured bedtime with DS than with DD. I do have friends who havw strict nap/meal/bath/bed time though!

I didn’t say it was. I was answering the questions of other posters who asked if they were essentially forced to be there!

It doesn't have to be like this and it isn't always, some DC have higher needs than others even as babies and toddlers. The thing is though you shouldn't be relying on yours being in that category. My DD barley slept for 14 months, I was surviving on never sleeping longer than 40 minutes. But that's the extreme end of the scale.

The hard stage might be different for others, some parents find their kids needs are much more intense as a 4 year old or as tween or that they need a lot of support as a teen or even as a young adult. Some children are easier to parent, some children will have SEN and you don't know or have a choice over who your child is or what their needs are. Sometimes no matter what you try all you can do is get through the hard bits and hang in there hoping it will get easier.

My never sleeping baby turned into an amazing resilient tween, but she has been through hell, abusive Dad, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal ideation, she's Autistic, smart and a fighter and she gets back up again every time. Resilience in a child might not look like you think it should.

Yeah, kids are hard work. They're especially hard work when they're out of their normal routine, environment and overstimulated. Some kids are harder than others. They are also quite selfish. They're not usually known for their resilience.

Parenting is very hard work. Some days it's harder than others. The trick is to expect the worst and anything better is a bonus. Best of luck with it if you manage to have one/some of your own. That's when resilience really comes into play.

Clearly I'm not asking addressing you directly, I'm pointing out th absurdity of the situation, which you are deliberately overlooking.

I’m not overlooking it, I’m respecting OP’s right to privacy by not asking her to explain how all these people are related to each other.

How's it outing to describe an extended family getting together over Christmas! You still haven't explained why your parents thought this was a good idea?

if I went into specifics about why they might have chosen this option for Christmas then it would be. I know the situation, you don’t!

the gist of why they thought it was a “good idea” is yet again that it’s a big close extended family. We all spent Christmas together in many previous years (or were all invited to) pre kids. It wouldn’t be thought of to uninvite people who have been default invited for over 30 years now that they have kids! Is that so hard to understand?!

So this family gathering was huge by all accounts, you are suggesting half of the people attending Christmas day are child free. So half of your relatives are child free? The rest have children which appears many, your parents thought they could host about 10, 11, 12 people then and many of whom are under 4 and it would be easy peasey. You excepted the offer thinking it would be a calm relaxed Christmas day? Really?

I’ve been at these type of gatherings when I’ve had a newborn, 18 month old and 4 year old. I was on my knees with exhaustion and probably looking back, was a bit depressed too. If there had been a child-free twenty something rolling their eyes at me because I had to cook a different food for my 4 year old which she then refused, and then I didn’t clear up immediately because I had a nappy change to do, or because my 18 month old was a bit clingy, or because my tiny baby wouldn’t sleep without me there- well-now I’d say- you try it, seriously- but at the time I’d have probably cried from feeling judged and already so exhausted. The behaviours you’ve described from these tiny tiny children are completely normal OP.

So you are "close" but not close enough to know what the very young babies are like? Naps they need, food they eat, how demanding they are, this is a shock!