to ask if you’re a parent with kids on loud devices in public what’s your reasoning?

[AMuser]

…just can not quite fathom it?

This afternoon in a beautiful 5 star hotel. A quiet lounge room with various family groups and so on. Suddenly aware of the awful referred noise of a kid watching his phone on full volume. He was aged about 8 or 9 and sitting with his parents - quite some way away from me (to show how loud it was).

Waited awhile to see if it would stop. It didn’t. So went over asked politely could they please put the child’s phone on silent. Seemingly decent woman immediately goes on the attack “why should he”. Well you’re in a public place and it’s rude. “Who says” was her response. I mean, if you don’t realise that what hope is there.

I’ve got 4 older kids who did have iPads etc at a certain point. But always with headphones or on silent. Newsflash they will still stare at it regardless

Rather lovely young Dad seated much closer to them came over and thanked me. Said he’d wanted to say something as it was so grating but his wife had asked him not to.

So if you do this - what is your reasoning? Why is this ok?

YABU - my child (or indeed my own) need to listen to tik tok / you tube / Cocomelon etc trumps anyone else in a public place that might not want to hear our devices.

YANBU - and we must rise up in the most unBritish fashion to challenge this insanity & establish order once more and let people know they need to get headphones or go home to blast their phones in public

I do believe societal norms are changing and devices will become the normal

That will never happen. Devices are not normal

I’ve voted YANBU because of it being loud but I do think YABU about expecting it to be on silent.

But even if it's on quiet it's bleepy and annoying. Some have sensitive hearing.
My hearing is shit, by the way, but I can hear a bleepy computer game 10 seats away on the bus. It makes me ragey, Just shut the fucking fuck up, is what I think. But of course I don't say it.

I think there will be a backlash. I think in 20 years time we will have a significant cohort of parents who think devices should be avoided at all costs except for school work. Because this swing is what tends to happen in fashions.
And MN will be full of young mums arguing devices for young children is child abuse and their parents never talked to them, just handed them a device. Again I see this kind of exaggeration on MN currently with past parenting fashions.

Absolutely right. Not getting into a debate about what 'quietly' means. It's either on silent, through headphones or OFF

Like my husband with his jazz music.

Me : "Turn that fucking row off will you?"

He "I'll turn it down"

Me: " No, that doesn't work for me. Quieter is not less annoying"

He: " But surely you can hardly hear it now"

Me : " But I can still hear it. Just turn it off please."

He loves it so he cannot understand that it puts all my nerves on jangle.
I hate it. It's unmusical It is not music. It is just a disjointed unwanted noise.

He says he finds it relaxing

How!!? Why!?

It's a cacophony of disjointed sounds to me. How anyone can listen to jazz music and actually enjoy it is a mystery.

So my point is that jus because you turn it down doesn't make it less annoying. It can actually make it a lot more annoying. because it's still bloody there despite your plea for it to stop.

Likewise electronic gadgets in public places.

Parents have managed their children for preceding millenia without gadgets to keep them quiet. We went out as a family 50 years ago. We varied in age from 3 to 16. It was not even a thing then, to expect that a small child would kick
up a fuss.

We just behaved courteously. Normally. And the kids did too. They followed the lead of their parents. But apparently nowadays ,following the lead of your parents is going to make you an entitled jobless loser.

Anyone else remember Planet Kids in Bristol? If anywhere was an appropriate venue, this was.

Exactly this!!!

What I don't get is that many games have an option to turn off the music and sfx, but so many kids (and adults) never do. I get that it's part of the experience, but surely it wouldn't kill people to mute them when playing in public out of courtesy?

TBH, that sounds like a clash in musical tastes to me. If someone posted in AIBU that her DH was telling her that listening to Jazz was offensive to his ears and he was talking to her like you are to your DH, the overwhelming replies would be to LTB.

Agree, @XenoBitch

That rhetoric shocked me. The poor DH.

Just because something is 'allowed' aka not specifically banned, doesn't mean that it should just be accepted. It's not illegal to talk very loudly all the way through a film at the cinema but I'm damn sure most people wouldn't put up with it.

But cinemas would have an issue with that, at least our local one does. I’ve seen them remove a group of teens for making noise when the film is on. You’re also told to turn off phones in cinemas I use (cineworld), there are adverts about it before the film. I’m not talking about it being illegal, it’s whether the place you are in allows it.

If it’s in a place that allows it to be on quietly, like a cafe where people chat, it is allowed and therefore fine. If they stop allowing it, then it’s not fine. That’s just how it is.

@HolyFuckingNight can you please tell me why, in spaces designed for adults, eg cafes, nice restaurants etc. that anyone should have to put up with tinny, squeaking, beeping noises, etc. let alone someone like me who would find these sounds actually physically painful? Just because it's 'allowed' doesn't make it acceptable. I'm very glad to see that your views appear to be in the minority here

@InAMess2023 Because if the place like the cafe allows it, as it’s not illegal, they get to decide what they class as acceptable for their business. The company/owners get to decide and as customers we get to vote with our feet. You don’t get to decide. There’s lots of things I may not like, I don’t get to control others. I can campaign and petition for things I’d like to happen/not happen but until it changes I have to accept that that is just how things are.

@HolyFuckingNight But what about social conventions about what's acceptable and what isn't? Why is it up to restaurant staff to enforce basic manners? If your kids won't headphones, they either behave politely without electronic distraction or you don't take them to a restaurant. This should be really basic stuff, but according to this thread it isn't.