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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you’re a parent with kids on loud devices in public what’s your reasoning?

338 replies

AMuser · 26/12/2023 16:28

…just can not quite fathom it?

This afternoon in a beautiful 5 star hotel. A quiet lounge room with various family groups and so on. Suddenly aware of the awful referred noise of a kid watching his phone on full volume. He was aged about 8 or 9 and sitting with his parents - quite some way away from me (to show how loud it was).

Waited awhile to see if it would stop. It didn’t. So went over asked politely could they please put the child’s phone on silent. Seemingly decent woman immediately goes on the attack “why should he”. Well you’re in a public place and it’s rude. “Who says” was her response. I mean, if you don’t realise that what hope is there.

I’ve got 4 older kids who did have iPads etc at a certain point. But always with headphones or on silent. Newsflash they will still stare at it regardless

Rather lovely young Dad seated much closer to them came over and thanked me. Said he’d wanted to say something as it was so grating but his wife had asked him not to.

So if you do this - what is your reasoning? Why is this ok?

YABU - my child (or indeed my own) need to listen to tik tok / you tube / Cocomelon etc trumps anyone else in a public place that might not want to hear our devices.

YANBU - and we must rise up in the most unBritish fashion to challenge this insanity & establish order once more and let people know they need to get headphones or go home to blast their phones in public

OP posts:
Ifancythegrinch · 26/12/2023 16:47

Oh man, I hate that. I find it really irritating. I never say anything though as you don’t know the circumstances. Most of the time, the parents are just wankers but I do know someone who’s child has a medical condition and the only way she can sometimes be calmed is by certain programmes on an ipad and she can’t use headphones. Bud I think the proportion of people that would cover us very small.

I am not against screen time at all, but my children’s ipads don’t leave the house (unless on holiday but then they stay in the hotel and don’t come out for the day with us). If they did though, I would insist they used headphones in public.

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 26/12/2023 16:48

WhatDogDidNext · 26/12/2023 16:36

Hmm. It was on full volume? That’s hard to believe.

And you wanted it on silent?

I don’t see the issue with it being on quietly, no different to hearing others around you have conversations but not being able to hear them properly.

I think most people make their kids have it on quietly or use headphones.

Is it REALLY so much to ask noisy devices aren’t played in public?

It’s entirely different to people have no a conversation, iPad noise is on another scale

peakygold · 26/12/2023 16:48

I would rather listen to Peppa, than listen to to some loud 'performance parenting, like on the train the other day. "Ollie, can you see a twain? A twain? A twain? A twain? A twain?" STFU.

NoTouch · 26/12/2023 16:48

I struggle to believe anyone is genuinely that ignorant they don't realise that playing music/games/videos in public where it can disturb others is inappropriate.

Even if the volume is low (and it is never that low as the child needs to hear it) it is annoying - whether it is in a hotel or in your garden - and it cannot be compared to people having normal conversations. It is simply pure selfishness and not giving a fuck.

Original poster
AMuser · 26/12/2023 16:50

NoTouch · 26/12/2023 16:48

I struggle to believe anyone is genuinely that ignorant they don't realise that playing music/games/videos in public where it can disturb others is inappropriate.

Even if the volume is low (and it is never that low as the child needs to hear it) it is annoying - whether it is in a hotel or in your garden - and it cannot be compared to people having normal conversations. It is simply pure selfishness and not giving a fuck.

Yes that’s what it feels like to me. Like “we are treating this restaurant / hotel (of any star rating) / cafe as though it were our living room and the rest of you can lump it.

OP posts:
WhatDogDidNext · 26/12/2023 16:51

If it’s on quietly, I don’t find it any different to others having a conversation. The only people I know that it bothers are very intolerant of noise in general.

And no, my kids didn’t do it so it’s not that.

It’s hard to believe it was on that loud and staff didn’t say anything to the parents.

Anotherparkingthread · 26/12/2023 16:52

I've stayed in a child free hotel over Christmas and it's absolute bliss. Maybe find somewhere adult only just to avoid it?

Had a woman watching videos full blast in the spa though of all places, inconsiderate bitch her.

Newnamedillydally · 26/12/2023 16:52

I would let our children use iPads if having a long dinner however they both know that they have to wear headphones or it gets put away. Has never been an issue. I would never let them use any device without headphones I find it so rude.

Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 16:53

peakygold · 26/12/2023 16:48

I would rather listen to Peppa, than listen to to some loud 'performance parenting, like on the train the other day. "Ollie, can you see a twain? A twain? A twain? A twain? A twain?" STFU.

You’d rather the next generation are raised by screens than by engaged parents? How do you think that will turn out eventually?

AllAroundMyCat · 26/12/2023 16:55

I regularly get a train to Birmingham from London and the quiet carriage is often booked up.
So I end up having to hear endless work meetings that always seem to be on speakerphone and the passengers seem unable to speak in a normal tone... always this performance tone ...ie listen to me being ever so important.

Pisses me right off . To be fair, it happens in the quiet carriage too.

Why? Just why?

WhatDogDidNext · 26/12/2023 16:57

You’d rather the next generation are raised by screens than by engaged parents? How do you think that will turn out eventually?

These threads attract extreme people who can’t tolerate any noise and those that say things like the above that are prone to exaggeration. How does a child watching something on an iPad mean they’re ‘raised by screens’. 🤦🏻‍♀️

PatchworkElmer · 26/12/2023 16:57

This is a pet peeve of mine. DS uses head phones when he (rarely) uses his tablet in public. We were on a plane a couple of weeks ago and DH had to go and ask a women and her daughter to stop watching a film loudly about an hour into a 4 hour flight… I don’t want to listen to someone else’s phone for 4 hours!!

CrazyHedgehogLover · 26/12/2023 16:58

I think by all means ask for them to turn it down slightly but to ask him to put it on silent? Um no. You don’t dictate what someone else does with there phone.. I would of expected them to turn the volume down to where he can still hear it.. but no you don’t get to decide whether he needs subtitles or not😅

14Q · 26/12/2023 16:58

I agree OP. It's really annoying. Some people are selfish and stupid.

Missrosie123 · 26/12/2023 16:58

Absolutely agree with you and well done for saying something. It baffles me. I see it so often now in public - restaurants, trains, other public transport etc. People of all ages. It’s such a me me me attitude. No consideration for anyone else. It’s absolutely not the same as a conversation. It just makes me sad that this is where we are now at as a society. It’s all so self
focused.

Scattery · 26/12/2023 16:59

YANBU, but the problem extends to adults too. A few weeks ago I went to a cafe, and a woman rocked up with a laptop and began taking a conference call. On SPEAKER.

I'm no good at confrontation but I did decide to ring my friend and have a very loud and frank talk about her new boyfriend. The woman wound up moving.

Anyway, this kind of thing will continue until establishments actually enforce noise rules. Most** of these people don't give a shit about social rules. Shame won't influence them.

**I once encountered a man who began playing a loud YouTube video in the middle of a cafe. I looked over in disbelief and saw he had wireless earphones in. They must not have synced properly, but he hadn't realized. I was on my way out so I didn't inform him but I imagine he would have felt mortified.

Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 16:59

Also I find it quite sad that some think chatting to kids is ‘performance parenting’. You have to talk to small children (particularly under 18 months) in a certain way, you can’t quietly waffle on about abstract subjects.

Fiery30 · 26/12/2023 16:59

Well done for saying something. I find it highly irritating when kids are playing games or watching videos in high volume in buses. Usually the kid is so small that they wudnt even know the difference if it was silent and parents just ignore the loud sound 😠

nutster · 26/12/2023 16:59

op you don’t actually ever clarify whether she did turn it down after you spoke to her.. or not.

???

JustEnoughPlates · 26/12/2023 17:00

I have seen both adults and kids do this on hospital wards. Even at night. Wtf.

adultsizedogbed · 26/12/2023 17:01

My son has SN and I'd never let him have any device in loud in public . Utterly ridiculous to allow NT kids to do this .

My son gets collected on a bus for his school and there is a girl on there that has her tablet on full blast . I have said so many times why is this allowed ? Why can't she have headphone ffs ..she is more than capable if wearing them but no everyone on the bus has to listen to her bloody iPad ! 🙄..

I don't go on holiday much but I'm sure it's horrendous on flights now 🙈🙈

Get bloody headphones !!!

Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 17:01

WhatDogDidNext · 26/12/2023 16:57

You’d rather the next generation are raised by screens than by engaged parents? How do you think that will turn out eventually?

These threads attract extreme people who can’t tolerate any noise and those that say things like the above that are prone to exaggeration. How does a child watching something on an iPad mean they’re ‘raised by screens’. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Because that’s exactly what’s happening when kids are allowed to stare at tablets rather than engage with the world around them. Watching the world go by, watching adults chat, watching other people eating dinner is all really valuable for the growing brain, and for older kids to learn patience and good behaviour.

Most of the parents I know who say their children only use tablets occasionally actually rely on it far more than they would say they do.

Hardbackwriter · 26/12/2023 17:01

I hate this too, don't do it and so don't know why others do. But I will say that about 90% of devices being played out loud in public spaces (the bus and train are both frequent spots for this) are being watched or listened to by adults, not children.

VisionsOfSplendour · 26/12/2023 17:01

NoTouch · 26/12/2023 16:48

I struggle to believe anyone is genuinely that ignorant they don't realise that playing music/games/videos in public where it can disturb others is inappropriate.

Even if the volume is low (and it is never that low as the child needs to hear it) it is annoying - whether it is in a hotel or in your garden - and it cannot be compared to people having normal conversations. It is simply pure selfishness and not giving a fuck.

So you think they know it's inappropriate but do it anyway?

Ime they are thickoes with no manners who couldn't care less about anyone else and see nothing wrong with it. Sadly those children will most likely grow up and continue the behaviour

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 26/12/2023 17:03

I get this all the time when I commute. Phone on speaker so you hear their conversation, or hear and see their video. I’ve done the silent glare in the past but I let it fly a lot recently as I can’t be arsed to have an argument in public. Sometimes if it’s a parent trying to entertain a young child I sort of feel if it’s a choice between the child screaming the bus/train down or them being entertained then I know which I’d rather have!