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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you’re a parent with kids on loud devices in public what’s your reasoning?

338 replies

AMuser · 26/12/2023 16:28

…just can not quite fathom it?

This afternoon in a beautiful 5 star hotel. A quiet lounge room with various family groups and so on. Suddenly aware of the awful referred noise of a kid watching his phone on full volume. He was aged about 8 or 9 and sitting with his parents - quite some way away from me (to show how loud it was).

Waited awhile to see if it would stop. It didn’t. So went over asked politely could they please put the child’s phone on silent. Seemingly decent woman immediately goes on the attack “why should he”. Well you’re in a public place and it’s rude. “Who says” was her response. I mean, if you don’t realise that what hope is there.

I’ve got 4 older kids who did have iPads etc at a certain point. But always with headphones or on silent. Newsflash they will still stare at it regardless

Rather lovely young Dad seated much closer to them came over and thanked me. Said he’d wanted to say something as it was so grating but his wife had asked him not to.

So if you do this - what is your reasoning? Why is this ok?

YABU - my child (or indeed my own) need to listen to tik tok / you tube / Cocomelon etc trumps anyone else in a public place that might not want to hear our devices.

YANBU - and we must rise up in the most unBritish fashion to challenge this insanity & establish order once more and let people know they need to get headphones or go home to blast their phones in public

OP posts:
Blumarine · 27/12/2023 08:08

Watching tablets makes kids sit still and behave themselves. Little kids can’t wear earphones, neither can a lot of autistic kids because of sensory issues. I tend to think it’s better to have a little bit of noise but the kids are sitting still, rather than them running around screaming and the parents are yelling. It’s so noisy in some public places that I can’t even hear the phone if DC has it on very quiet, and I’m sitting at the same table.

ColleenDonaghy · 27/12/2023 08:10

YANBU OP, headphones or silent only when in public, unless you think everyone wants to hear what you're watching (they don't).

The worst demographic for this IME is people approaching retirement age on trains. Utterly clueless that the rest of us don't want to listen to the football highlights or the funny video their friend just sent them.

I did say something the other day but waited until I was getting off as I wasn't in the humour for a confrontation. Hopefully he will think twice in future but who knows.

Projectme · 27/12/2023 08:14

MorrisZapp · 26/12/2023 23:26

The spa I visit yearly with friends has a relaxation room, it's absolutely gorgeous. There's a sign on the door saying 'silence is golden' but nope, too subtle for the idiots. I will absolutely shush anyone talking or beeping in there, it's become part of the culture of the holiday tbh.

We put a comment in the book every single time but ultimately you can only ask people to respect others, if they won't and they too are paying customers then you're a bit stumped.

Personally I'd put up a Peaky Blinders type NO FUCKING TALKING sign but I'm not sure it would match the ambiance.

A spa local to me has a quiet room, with a lot of signs telling asking patrons to not use mobile phones or devices in the room. Last time I was in there, a woman phoned someone using her mobile and was shouting telling her a story about a mutual friends infidelity. Lovely.

Another lady in the room walked up to her and held up one of the signs that said 'no mobiles', (the other couple of ladies and me all applauded her!) and the woman on the phone got shitty and stormed out. Pathetic. But it just goes to show how selfish people can be.

KimberleyClark · 27/12/2023 08:14

The worst demographic for this IME is people approaching retirement age on trains. Utterly clueless that the rest of us don't want to listen to the football highlights or the funny video their friend just sent them.

More Mumsnet ageism. I’m in that demographic and I wouldn’t dream of playing anything in public without headphones.

WashItTomorrow · 27/12/2023 08:14

Blumarine · 27/12/2023 08:08

Watching tablets makes kids sit still and behave themselves. Little kids can’t wear earphones, neither can a lot of autistic kids because of sensory issues. I tend to think it’s better to have a little bit of noise but the kids are sitting still, rather than them running around screaming and the parents are yelling. It’s so noisy in some public places that I can’t even hear the phone if DC has it on very quiet, and I’m sitting at the same table.

But why would they be running around screaming and the parents yelling? And if you’re at the same table, why would the phone be on at all? Why can’t children sit still and behave themselves without it? Of course they can.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/12/2023 08:16

peakygold · 26/12/2023 16:48

I would rather listen to Peppa, than listen to to some loud 'performance parenting, like on the train the other day. "Ollie, can you see a twain? A twain? A twain? A twain? A twain?" STFU.

So you think having a parent having a conversation with their child is more annoying than someone subjecting everyone in earshot to TV content they don’t want? Really?

I’m always suspicious of people getting upset about “performance parenting”. Nine times out to ten when you strip out the middle class names in the post (it’s usually Tarquin and Tabitha) what this boils down to is people who are jealous that other parents have a better relationship with their children and don’t need to fob them off with an iPad to shut them up so you can look at your own phone in peace.

If you don’t like talking to your kids own it rather than making it about the class or demographics of the other parent.

ColleenDonaghy · 27/12/2023 08:17

KimberleyClark · 27/12/2023 08:14

The worst demographic for this IME is people approaching retirement age on trains. Utterly clueless that the rest of us don't want to listen to the football highlights or the funny video their friend just sent them.

More Mumsnet ageism. I’m in that demographic and I wouldn’t dream of playing anything in public without headphones.

I didn't say you do. Obviously.

But whenever I'm irritated by this on my commute, that's who I find it is. That's the point about demographics - trends, not saying everyone in that demographic does something. It's not subtle.

SuspiciousSue · 27/12/2023 08:17

Easipeelerie · 26/12/2023 16:41

I challenged someone about it once, politely. They looked at me as if I’d lost my mind.

Me too. I got yelled at as if I was completely in the wrong. I just think it’s unbelievably entitled of people to assume that everyone around them
has to listen to their shit music/tv show. I’d be embarrassed to do that and would never have let my child do it either.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/12/2023 08:17

WhatDogDidNext · 26/12/2023 16:36

Hmm. It was on full volume? That’s hard to believe.

And you wanted it on silent?

I don’t see the issue with it being on quietly, no different to hearing others around you have conversations but not being able to hear them properly.

I think most people make their kids have it on quietly or use headphones.

Have you been on public transport recently? Serious question as it seems more and more people just have their phones on full blast on trains,I find it most bizarre and really wearing. Everyone has flashy, expensive ear buds that they don't use!

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:21

ChrisPackhamsYellowFleece · 26/12/2023 21:18

@Pinkdressinggownbelt Get their kids to wear headphones or find other strategies for managing their behaviour/symptoms in public places? Or, if a child won't wear headphones or a hearing aid or use a device on silent or be occupied by anything that's not a device, maybe the parents need to avoid restaurants and hotels for the time being? It's just not reasonable to impose electronic noise on other people.

Some ND kids with severe learning disabilities won’t wear headphones and only music from tablet or phone helps to regulate, and usually it’s a lifelong disability. Parents deserve a life too, respite services are so scarce, they take DC out with them. It’s not reasonable to expect families with disabilities to disappear for your convenience

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:23

Redlarge · 27/12/2023 07:47

Kids were 'regulated' before tablets and phones.

Show quote history

ND kids with severe learning disabilities were hidden away for the comfort of the general populace before tablets and phones

TigerRag · 27/12/2023 08:25

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:21

Some ND kids with severe learning disabilities won’t wear headphones and only music from tablet or phone helps to regulate, and usually it’s a lifelong disability. Parents deserve a life too, respite services are so scarce, they take DC out with them. It’s not reasonable to expect families with disabilities to disappear for your convenience

Show quote history

And some who are ND don't like loud noise. I'm also deaf and actually want to hear the person sat next to me when they talk. What about me and my needs?

Itdjgsurchg · 27/12/2023 08:25

CoffeeWithCheese · 26/12/2023 16:37

After we had a younger sibling being entertained with Cocomelon on a parent's phone with the volume on in the MIDDLE of the nativity play the other week - nothing surprises me anymore.

We had this in our Harvest festival in the Church, a little toddler was watching YouTube whilst the service was on. I could barely hear the children sing. I could not believe it!

Vinrouge4 · 27/12/2023 08:27

WhatDogDidNext · 26/12/2023 16:36

Hmm. It was on full volume? That’s hard to believe.

And you wanted it on silent?

I don’t see the issue with it being on quietly, no different to hearing others around you have conversations but not being able to hear them properly.

I think most people make their kids have it on quietly or use headphones.

So you are calling the OP a liar and you are obviously one of the entitled parents who thinks their kids can annoy everyone else.

ColleenDonaghy · 27/12/2023 08:28

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:21

Some ND kids with severe learning disabilities won’t wear headphones and only music from tablet or phone helps to regulate, and usually it’s a lifelong disability. Parents deserve a life too, respite services are so scarce, they take DC out with them. It’s not reasonable to expect families with disabilities to disappear for your convenience

Show quote history

Yes but the vast majority of children (including some who are ND) will quickly learn to wear the headphones if they know it's a choice between headphones and silent. Then the only DC not using them are the kids who really can't, which would make the rest of us more understanding.

Also, as others have said, plenty of ND people can't tolerate the background noise of people playing videos or music in public.

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:29

TigerRag · 27/12/2023 08:25

And some who are ND don't like loud noise. I'm also deaf and actually want to hear the person sat next to me when they talk. What about me and my needs?

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i mean, you could put your hearing aids on….

TigerRag · 27/12/2023 08:31

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:29

i mean, you could put your hearing aids on….

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The hearing aids I don't have because they don't work for what I have

They also don't filter out background noise and mean that loud things just sound louder

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:37

ColleenDonaghy · 27/12/2023 08:28

Yes but the vast majority of children (including some who are ND) will quickly learn to wear the headphones if they know it's a choice between headphones and silent. Then the only DC not using them are the kids who really can't, which would make the rest of us more understanding.

Also, as others have said, plenty of ND people can't tolerate the background noise of people playing videos or music in public.

Show quote history

True, some DC will understand and choose headphones over nothing . I’m here to represent those families of DC who can’t due to learning disabilities, tbf it’s usually easy to discern. I’ve never had anyone complain even if they felt like it because it’s either my DC sitting still listening to the tablet music etc or my DC giving loud echolalia and doing their stereotypy behaviours which would then make other patrons kids stare and everyone in the place uncomfortable including me

TigerRag · 27/12/2023 08:39

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:37

True, some DC will understand and choose headphones over nothing . I’m here to represent those families of DC who can’t due to learning disabilities, tbf it’s usually easy to discern. I’ve never had anyone complain even if they felt like it because it’s either my DC sitting still listening to the tablet music etc or my DC giving loud echolalia and doing their stereotypy behaviours which would then make other patrons kids stare and everyone in the place uncomfortable including me

Show quote history

Are you also here to represent those with a learning disability who don't like loud noise?

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:41

TigerRag · 27/12/2023 08:39

Are you also here to represent those with a learning disability who don't like loud noise?

Show quote history

Well obviously not…. Although in a way I think they wouldn’t like my DC own loud noises they make when not using tablet to regulate, so may be I am

InAMess2023 · 27/12/2023 08:42

@TigerRag well said! (Although ASD isn't a learning disability... sorry to be pedantic!)

TigerRag · 27/12/2023 08:42

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:41

Well obviously not…. Although in a way I think they wouldn’t like my DC own loud noises they make when not using tablet to regulate, so may be I am

Edited
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Oh silly me, we don't matter

PuttingDownRoots · 27/12/2023 08:42

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:37

True, some DC will understand and choose headphones over nothing . I’m here to represent those families of DC who can’t due to learning disabilities, tbf it’s usually easy to discern. I’ve never had anyone complain even if they felt like it because it’s either my DC sitting still listening to the tablet music etc or my DC giving loud echolalia and doing their stereotypy behaviours which would then make other patrons kids stare and everyone in the place uncomfortable including me

Show quote history

As long as you are similarly understanding why my child is quietly rocking and flinching as the noise is unbearable.

However its more like to be inconsiderate idiots causing the problem. So there are many places we don't go.

janfebmarchapril · 27/12/2023 08:43

If my toddler is absolutely bored and I have to put something on and don't have headphones she watches it on silent. I hate having to listen to other peoples devices esp when theyre playing loud games and dont need the sound on at all but either way- turn it down: well done for saying something OP, I would have to 👏

theduchessofspork · 27/12/2023 08:44

Desecratedcoconut · 26/12/2023 16:43

Oh, wait, a five star hotel? Yeah, completely unacceptable. That shit could fly in a four star hotel but not in a five star hotel, when everyone looks so naice. Glad you were there to keep things in line.

Hope you are in a better mood today. Christmas can be stressful..