to ask if you’re a parent with kids on loud devices in public what’s your reasoning?

[AMuser]

…just can not quite fathom it?

This afternoon in a beautiful 5 star hotel. A quiet lounge room with various family groups and so on. Suddenly aware of the awful referred noise of a kid watching his phone on full volume. He was aged about 8 or 9 and sitting with his parents - quite some way away from me (to show how loud it was).

Waited awhile to see if it would stop. It didn’t. So went over asked politely could they please put the child’s phone on silent. Seemingly decent woman immediately goes on the attack “why should he”. Well you’re in a public place and it’s rude. “Who says” was her response. I mean, if you don’t realise that what hope is there.

I’ve got 4 older kids who did have iPads etc at a certain point. But always with headphones or on silent. Newsflash they will still stare at it regardless

Rather lovely young Dad seated much closer to them came over and thanked me. Said he’d wanted to say something as it was so grating but his wife had asked him not to.

So if you do this - what is your reasoning? Why is this ok?

YABU - my child (or indeed my own) need to listen to tik tok / you tube / Cocomelon etc trumps anyone else in a public place that might not want to hear our devices.

YANBU - and we must rise up in the most unBritish fashion to challenge this insanity & establish order once more and let people know they need to get headphones or go home to blast their phones in public

This is it.

I can cut parents of small children on long journeys some slack (though I fail to understand why they can’t use headphones).

There is absolutely no excuse for an adult to do this. None whatsoever. It’s ignorance and selfishness.

Human conversation is not the same as injecting digital entertainment into a public space. Surely you realize that?

1. children certainly were taken out to eat long before devices. I was, as were most people in my demographic. Our parents taught us how to behave in restaurants, engaged with us and, if necessary, took a book or quiet toy for distraction during a long meal.
2. If parents don’t want to parent their kids, they shouldn’t have had them. That is the worst excuse on the thread. Having kids is a privilege, not a right, and fobbing them off with a tablet because you don’t want to parent your own kids is really appalling.

Surely if children spend more time in restaurants and coffee shops these days they have more practice learning to behave? And if the parents are there more often it's less of a disaster if you need to leave early cos the kids have had enough?

Have you ever seen the Star Trek movie with the man with the ghetto blaster on the bus and Spock's death grip 😀

Some people are just complete and utter twats.

Nobody should be listening to anything like that in public they should have earphones.

The staff in spa, hotels etc should put a stop to it, not patrons.

2. Life is more busy. Houses cost two salaries. The cost of living is high. People have to work more. Most families have two working parents. So when they go to a place like a coffee shop they want to relax for a few minutes and spend time together, not parent their kids.

Then they need to go to an appropriate venue where them choosing not to parent doesn’t impact other people. They can’t just go to a coffee shop (a place which can actually be dangerous for young kids because hot drinks are carried) and then say “this is my me-time, I don’t want to parent right now and that’s ok!”

It’s not ok.

No but if I was able to choose a super power this would be it :D

j_

On you tube

Hopefully this works

Lighthearted

So they stop them from making noise and spoiling the ambience by ....

Making noise and spoiling the ambience

Brilliant

Kids never used to get taken to places like coffee shops and restaurants until the last 10-15 years

Well that's not true. I went in cafes and restaurants with my parents over 50 years ago. Not posh ones, just cafes in the market/on high street, or chinese restaurants. By the time we were 12 or so we went into town cafes unnaccompanied by parents. By the time we were 12 though, our parents had taught us how to behave properly in a cafe, so we did.

Me too.

And my eldest first 'went out to lunch' when he was a month old! (he's now in his 40s!)

'So when they go to a place like a coffee shop they want to relax for a few minutes and spend time together, not parent their kids.'

Most honest answer I've seen. Parents allow their kids to watch screens with no headphones / run around the place / scream their heads off in public because THEY JUST CAN'T BE ARSED with actually parenting them and think it's fine for that to be everyone else's problem

But even this is sort of understandable. I can't blame a ragged parent with two toddlers for wanting an uninterrupted hour to drink a coffee/beer. Fair enough to give them an iPad for a bit.

But why in God's name would you do that without headphones?

If it's not noisy then I haven't got an issue, but anyone of any age playing sound from an electronic device in a public place, needs to have the volume low so it doesn't disturb others.

We were on holiday in the summer in Jersey. Harassed woman gets on bus with DD in a pushchair. She gives an iPad to the DD to watch something. Shouldn't have been an issue except the volume was so loud I could hear all the words and I was right at the back - with not amazing hearing- and they were right at the front. Someone said something to her - wasn't nasty as they were both locals - and she did this whole "Well whatever I need to do to keep her entertained, better than annoying the bus with her screaming ". No awareness that the volume was far too high.

It is generally middle aged people that are the worst offenders. On recent train trip I was subjected to episodes of a loud and sweary tv show from a couple a few rows up, they looked too scary for me to confront them and the ticket collector didn't say a word to them about it.

If parents don’t want to parent their kids, they shouldn’t have had them. That is the worst excuse on the thread. Having kids is a privilege, not a right, and fobbing them off with a tablet because you don’t want to parent your own kids is really appalling.

Exactly this.

No one should be listening to anything out loud without headphones in public in an enclosed space end of. I suspect in a few years this will be properly enforced and universally accepted as anti social behaviour and there will be notices etc. like banning smoking inside. It’s obviously fucking annoying to all other service users whoever is doing it and there is absolutely zero excuse or justification especially as headphones are now so cheap and easily available.

We were in a restaurant in France and an elderly French couple at the next table both had eyes glued to their blaring iPad throughout the whole meal. Even our teens were horrified.

Having it on loud is unreasonable but having it on quietly wouldn’t bother me at all. To me, if it’s on quietly, it’s no different to everyone around me having conversations and all the other background noise in life.

Unless it’s not allowed where you are, you just have to deal with it. Cafes, pubs, hotels etc seem to allow people to do it as long as it’s quiet so unless that changes, it’s ok.

If parents don’t want to parent their kids, they shouldn’t have had them. That is the worst excuse on the thread. Having kids is a privilege, not a right, and fobbing them off with a tablet because you don’t want to parent your own kids is really appalling.

Parents don't have to be "parenting" 24/7/365. "Parenting" (and I dislike the verb intensely precisely because it lends itself to this helicopter tendency) doesn't require you to have 100% constant oversight of your little darlings. You don't have to be hovering around them at every second, constantly engaged in conversation and jumping to anticipate their every whim: that's bad for all concerned.

Everyone is entitled to downtime, to time in another room and to have an adult conversation from time to time as long as their kids are supervised and happy.

I wouldn't judge anyone having a nice Sunday lunch or a coffee who quietly gave their kid an iPad for half an hour so they could talk to their spouse uninterrupted. I would judge someone hard who did so and didn't give their kid headphones with which to do this.

Nothing wrong with adults occasionally and appropriately wanting adult time. There's everything wrong with imposing your kid's irritating content on others because you wish to do so.

Same on buses adults having loud phone conversations or kids/teens with full volume up just WHY??? 🤬

If a parent needs downtime for themselves, they need to pick an appropriate venue for that. You can’t just opt out of parenting your own kid in a public place. That’s what a child-proofed space in your home is for, or another appropriate area - not a cafe or restaurant.

There is a hell of a lot of projection in your post - I didn’t suggest kids should be hovered over 24 hours a day, because that’s daft. I also didn’t suggest that a parent occasionally using a screen appropriately (on silent or with headphones), while supervising the child, isn’t doing fine.

Needing a break is not an excuse to let your kid do whatever it wants - whether that’s running around in an unsafe place or listening to a tablet out loud in a cafe. It’s also not an excuse never to teach a child how to behave appropriately in a restaurant without a screen, if it’s capable of doing so. That’s setting your kid up to fail as an adult.

Parents, please teach your children not to play their devices out loud in public. Otherwise they might grow into the oafish young man who was playing loud music on his phone in A&E. After having waited 12 hours to be admitted, my nerves were in shreds anyway. The waiting room was full of the sick and elderly. I don't know what was wrong with him or why he was there and I don't care. He was an ignorant pig , who could not have cared less about anyone else.

@FourLeggedBuckers

Needing a break is not an excuse to let your kid do whatever it wants - whether that’s running around in an unsafe place or listening to a tablet out loud in a cafe. It’s also not an excuse never to teach a child how to behave appropriately in a restaurant without a screen, if it’s capable of doing so. That’s setting your kid up to fail as an adult.

I absolutely agree that kids should be taught that they can't demand a screen every time they're in a restaurant. I'm pretty hardline about this with my own DD.

But you say in your post that if people don't want to parent their children "they shouldn't have had them", which, in the context of this thread, clearly implies that anyone who allows their child to watch a screen in a public setting is not up to the job of parenting. Which in my view is a wild over-reaction.

There's two separate questions being explored here which need to be kept separate: whether its acceptable to allow children to consume content in public spaces with the sound up (in my view the answer is always a hard no) and whether it's acceptable to allow children to consume content in public spaces with headphones in.

I think arguing that anyone who ever allows their children access to a screen in a discreet and non-disruptive way is a bad parent (which is what your post implies) is quite a stretch.

No, @Thepeopleversuswork, that’s your inference, not my implication. Parenting children doesn’t mean never allowing them screens. It means setting appropriate limits on their use, including supervising their use and ensuring they aren’t a nuisance to other people in public places. That includes enforcing subtitles / silent mode in public if the kid won’t wear headphones or hasn’t got them to hand. It’s your inference that parenting your child means not allowing them to use a screen in a public space at any point.