Page 12 | to ask if you’re a parent with kids on loud devices in public what’s your reasoning?

AMuser · 2023-12-26T16:28:51+00:00

…just can not quite fathom it? This afternoon in a beautiful 5 star hotel. A quiet lounge room with various family groups and so on. Suddenly aware of the awful referred noise of a kid watching his phone on full volume. He was aged about 8 or 9 and sitting with his parents - quite some way away from me (to show how loud it was). Waited awhile to see if it would stop. It didn’t. So went over asked politely could they please put the child’s phone on silent. Seemingly decent woman immediately goes on the attack “why should he”. Well you’re in a public place and it’s rude. “Who says” was her response. I mean, if you don’t realise that what hope is there. I’ve got 4 older kids who did have iPads etc at a certain point. But always with headphones or on silent. Newsflash they will still stare at it regardless Rather lovely young Dad seated much closer to them came over and thanked me. Said he’d wanted to say something as it was so grating but his wife had asked him not to. So if you do this - what is your reasoning? Why is this ok? YABU - my child (or indeed my own) need to listen to tik tok / you tube / Cocomelon etc trumps anyone else in a public place that might not want to hear our devices. YANBU - and we must rise up in the most unBritish fashion to challenge this insanity & establish order once more and let people know they need to get headphones or go home to blast their phones in public

greengreengrass25 · 27/12/2023 16:40

MimiGC · 27/12/2023 15:52

Parents, please teach your children not to play their devices out loud in public. Otherwise they might grow into the oafish young man who was playing loud music on his phone in A&E. After having waited 12 hours to be admitted, my nerves were in shreds anyway. The waiting room was full of the sick and elderly. I don't know what was wrong with him or why he was there and I don't care. He was an ignorant pig , who could not have cared less about anyone else.

That's so awful

Did the staff not tell him to be quiet

MimiGC · 27/12/2023 17:06

Eventually, yes. He was drunk and fairly belligerent, so I think they were a bit afraid of him. Plus, they were absolutely run off their feet, so barely had time to deal with his nonsense. It was 3 o'clock in the morning, by the way !

FestiveFruitloop · 27/12/2023 18:01

ThoughtYouKnew · 27/12/2023 13:41

Having it on loud is unreasonable but having it on quietly wouldn’t bother me at all. To me, if it’s on quietly, it’s no different to everyone around me having conversations and all the other background noise in life.

Unless it’s not allowed where you are, you just have to deal with it. Cafes, pubs, hotels etc seem to allow people to do it as long as it’s quiet so unless that changes, it’s ok.

People have different definitions of 'quietly' though.
And, in response to a pp, some parents do do this because they can't be arsed to interact with their kids.

Cubic · 27/12/2023 18:02

I think what is classed as acceptable behaviour will change and evolve with technology and what is classed as normal.

I do think it is unreasonable and have voted that way.

My eldest child was raised in a way that this would not be acceptable at all and he doesn't even have his mobile atthe table.

My youngest has used an ipad with an app on for his communication. He presses a button and it verbalises for him, there is no way in the world I would ever mute this or turn it down. It would be the equivalent of gagging him (taking away his voice). Due to his level of understanding and because of this it means his non communication ipad (the other ipad is only used for communication, one app and nothing else) we struggle to keep the volume down on any other device - he doesn't understand the difference. This doesn't mean we don't try and we have enforced headphones in some situations (planes) but this doesn't always transfer to other situations.

I will not even try in some situations if there are others using devices as he wouldn't understand why he should and others don't.

I do believe societal norms are changing and devices will become the normal.

Qwerty556 · 27/12/2023 18:15

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 08:29

i mean, you could put your hearing aids on….

Show quote history

I wear hearing aids.

Just so you know, hearing aids amplify harsh electronic noises much more than speech. Clear speech in background noise is the holy grail of hearing aids and no manufacturer has cracked it.

A tablet near me playing beeps and music causes severe problems for me hearing speech.

So:
a) your sarcasm about turning on hearing aids is a bit of a shitty thing to say.

b) what about my needs? I suppose I don't matter.

I don't inflict my deafness on other people, so I object to other people claiming a right inflict their special needs upon me. Especially as their actions significantly impact on my ability to interact with my friends and relatives.

TodayForTomorrow · 27/12/2023 18:23

It's not ok at all.

I have a 3yo and 6yo with ants in their pants and eating out with them has always made me very paranoid about judgement from other people.

I've overcompensated really but I have a specific back pack full of colouring books, nicer-than-usual pens and pencils, magic painting, dot to dots, sticker books etc. I keep it topped up with new stuff to keep it novel.

As an absolute last resort I've got a few kids puzzle apps on my phone that don't require any sound. If all else failed, I'd rather give them that than have them disturb people, but I've rarely had to use them.

They both actually sit well now and aren't phased by it. The last time we went was really easy.

comingintomyown · 27/12/2023 18:24

On a train I recently turned around and asked a young lad with his mum if by any chance he had some headphones with him in a super quiet calm voice. The mum then loudly says “I’m so sorry xxxx that that adult was so rude to you and you had to go through that “
YANBU public noise from any device except the sound of it ringing is totally out of order

Clingfilm · 27/12/2023 18:25

High five OP, I have done the same in the past and will continue to do so in future. My polite British awkwardness seems to be cancelled out by inconsiderate behaviour so I have no issues confronting people, be that loud kids' tablets or that perennial favourite, someone taking up a seat with their bag.

greengreengrass25 · 27/12/2023 18:28

comingintomyown · 27/12/2023 18:24

On a train I recently turned around and asked a young lad with his mum if by any chance he had some headphones with him in a super quiet calm voice. The mum then loudly says “I’m so sorry xxxx that that adult was so rude to you and you had to go through that “
YANBU public noise from any device except the sound of it ringing is totally out of order

It's unbelievable and not teaching him to be resilient

The world doesn't revolve around him

TheaBrandt · 27/12/2023 18:41

Dear god who would be a teacher dealing with the progeny of twats like this.

Original poster

AMuser · 27/12/2023 18:50

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 27/12/2023 09:50

Parents do this because they're trying to stop their children from (god forbid apparently) making any noises and spoiling the ambience for those around them (with cat bum faces that believe children should be seen and not heard).

So they're damned if they do, and they're damned if they don't.

Maybe concern yourself with your own life rather than judging parents trying to do their best and then going to the lengths to make a post about it, patting yourself on the back.

Christ. Utterly ridiculous.

I was very much concerning myself with my own life thanks. 😀The day in my life in a lovely hotel that I’d saved all year to stay in. With the general chatter of kids of all ages & family all around me - all of which is lovely and very very different to a the tinny, piercing noises from the phone of a child of good age - I’d say 7 or 8 - and no discernible (and I’m fairly sure she’d have told me if he had) additional needs - not a teeny toddler. Who had two parents right beside him who seemed to think that he has the right to impose that sound all across the room, rather than maybe, what, chat to him.

So no it’s not damned if you do or damned if you don’t. That’s a daft arguement. If he hasn’t had his phone at worst he’d have been a little bit … bored. In my view those parents were not doing “their best”. That’s the mum standing rocking her inconsolable 18 month old with ear ache 6 hours into a 7 hour flight to whom I will always give an understanding smile not a pissed off face. That’s the parent with an overwrought toddler having a melt down in a shoe shop before we’ve alll been there.

I had 3 under 5, once of whom is ND - and I largely parented them alone. Was always aware of where we were, what level of noise they were making and certainly any time they had screens they were on silent or they had headphones. The words “other people are having their meals / on the train and don’t want to listen to X” were said often. Really not rocket science.

OP posts:

Original poster

AMuser · 27/12/2023 18:57

In summary tho we are at 98% so pretty much in agreement!

But it’s the silent sufferers we need to join in and as a PP way up thread says - with a massive smile and lots of eye contact - make sure we address each and every intrusive incident. With of course the proviso that there may be some cases of neurodiversity that require extra consideration if there really is no tolerance to headphones or no volume!

And of course to adults who are much bigger offenders on their own (and responsible for the children they are sitting with )

OP posts:

Qwerty556 · 27/12/2023 19:04

comingintomyown · 27/12/2023 18:24

On a train I recently turned around and asked a young lad with his mum if by any chance he had some headphones with him in a super quiet calm voice. The mum then loudly says “I’m so sorry xxxx that that adult was so rude to you and you had to go through that “
YANBU public noise from any device except the sound of it ringing is totally out of order

If the Germans ever fancy a 3rd go at us, all they need to do is wait until this generation is 20.

Can you image these kids running up the beaches on DDay? They'd all turn up with a note from their mum saying they can't go as they've lost their inhaler.

HolyFuckingNight · 27/12/2023 19:05

In summary tho we are at 98% so pretty much in agreement!

I think most people think that having it on loud isn’t acceptable, but many people don’t care if it’s on quietly.

I’ve voted YANBU because of it being loud but I do think YABU about expecting it to be on silent.

ElevenSeven · 27/12/2023 19:09

HolyFuckingNight · 27/12/2023 19:05

In summary tho we are at 98% so pretty much in agreement!

I think most people think that having it on loud isn’t acceptable, but many people don’t care if it’s on quietly.

I’ve voted YANBU because of it being loud but I do think YABU about expecting it to be on silent.

Oh no, I absolutely care if it’s on quietly. It’s rude and ignorant, and you’re raising your children to be rude and ignorant.

Headphones or on silent, kids can understand this very quickly

FestiveFruitloop · 27/12/2023 19:10

Can you image these kids running up the beaches on DDay? They'd all turn up with a note from their mum saying they can't go as they've lost their inhaler.

Fair point but tasteless analogy, I feel. Needing an inhaler doesn't equate to being a snowflake, they are literally life or death for some people.

Qwerty556 · 27/12/2023 19:13

Somebody made a tasteless joke about my deafness and nobody minded so...

ScreamingBeans · 27/12/2023 19:13

There's no reasoning. They're savages.

Next.

Lottapianos · 27/12/2023 19:13

'Oh no, I absolutely care if it’s on quietly. It’s rude and ignorant, and you’re raising your children to be rude and ignorant.

Headphones or on silent, kids can understand this very quickly'

Absolutely right. Not getting into a debate about what 'quietly' means. It's either on silent, through headphones or OFF

Lovetotravel123 · 27/12/2023 19:18

YANBU. It’s very selfish and if they can’t keep the kid quiet without a device then they shouldn’t be in there.

WashItTomorrow · 27/12/2023 19:19

Qwerty556 · 27/12/2023 19:04

If the Germans ever fancy a 3rd go at us, all they need to do is wait until this generation is 20.

Can you image these kids running up the beaches on DDay? They'd all turn up with a note from their mum saying they can't go as they've lost their inhaler.

Show quote history

That has absolutely nothing to do with the argument. There’s nothing remotely wrong with needing an inhaler.

TheBirdintheCave · 27/12/2023 19:27

InAMess2023 · 26/12/2023 20:44

I'm neurodiverse and absolutely struggle terribly with sensitivity to noise. I can cope with a general buzz of conversations around me (for a while at least) but any sort of squeaking/buzzing/beeping - as tends to come from the things that kids watch - makes me want to scratch out my own eyeballs/cry/erupt in white hot rage. There's no need for anyone else around to have to hear it, whether they are ND or not

Yes. It causes me physical pain too. Also ND here.

backtowinter · 27/12/2023 19:28

HolyFuckingNight · 27/12/2023 19:05

In summary tho we are at 98% so pretty much in agreement!

I think most people think that having it on loud isn’t acceptable, but many people don’t care if it’s on quietly.

I’ve voted YANBU because of it being loud but I do think YABU about expecting it to be on silent.

I wouldn't have said many people don't mind quietly

A few, maybe, but most people will say off or headphones

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 19:29

Why all these angry people on MN lol. Potty mouth… 😒
anyway , as I already said above some families with kids with severe learning disabilities who do not tolerate headphones and need music/videos from their tablets are left with no choice. It’s not lazy parenting 🙄 and it is a preferable noise to the other “noises” and behaviours being prevented by the use of tablet/phone believe me. And no we are not going to hide away for anyone else’s convenience. As I said before we don’t go to quiet zones, spas or libraries etc but yes family restaurants, public transport we have to

greengreengrass25 · 27/12/2023 19:36

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 27/12/2023 19:29

Why all these angry people on MN lol. Potty mouth… 😒
anyway , as I already said above some families with kids with severe learning disabilities who do not tolerate headphones and need music/videos from their tablets are left with no choice. It’s not lazy parenting 🙄 and it is a preferable noise to the other “noises” and behaviours being prevented by the use of tablet/phone believe me. And no we are not going to hide away for anyone else’s convenience. As I said before we don’t go to quiet zones, spas or libraries etc but yes family restaurants, public transport we have to

I do understand where you are coming from to a certain extent

But what would these kids done a generation ago when these devices did not exist?