to ask if you’re a parent with kids on loud devices in public what’s your reasoning?

[AMuser]

…just can not quite fathom it?

This afternoon in a beautiful 5 star hotel. A quiet lounge room with various family groups and so on. Suddenly aware of the awful referred noise of a kid watching his phone on full volume. He was aged about 8 or 9 and sitting with his parents - quite some way away from me (to show how loud it was).

Waited awhile to see if it would stop. It didn’t. So went over asked politely could they please put the child’s phone on silent. Seemingly decent woman immediately goes on the attack “why should he”. Well you’re in a public place and it’s rude. “Who says” was her response. I mean, if you don’t realise that what hope is there.

I’ve got 4 older kids who did have iPads etc at a certain point. But always with headphones or on silent. Newsflash they will still stare at it regardless

Rather lovely young Dad seated much closer to them came over and thanked me. Said he’d wanted to say something as it was so grating but his wife had asked him not to.

So if you do this - what is your reasoning? Why is this ok?

YABU - my child (or indeed my own) need to listen to tik tok / you tube / Cocomelon etc trumps anyone else in a public place that might not want to hear our devices.

YANBU - and we must rise up in the most unBritish fashion to challenge this insanity & establish order once more and let people know they need to get headphones or go home to blast their phones in public

A few, maybe, but most people will say off or headphones

Who do you think is mostly attracted to these threads? Those who are intolerant of noise! And then a few others.

And again, what about people like me who can't deal with loud noise?

No one on here has ever answered this. It's like we don't matter?

Children need to learn to sometimes be a bit bored (yes, I know, what a shocking concept). And they need to learn to handle boredom with a semblance of grace. There is absolutely no reason for a child to be relentlessly entertained from dawn til dusk. Screens weren't really a thing when our DDs were very young. When we ate out with them we would actually chat with them (yes, another shocking concept), or doodle with them on a napkin etc. As they got a bit older, they were encouraged to join in the conversation, or do some colouring, but also knew that 'sometimes' they just had to sit quietly for a while.

If (and it's a big if) you bother to take the time and make the effort, a NT child can certainly learn to just sit quietly for a little while. But too many parents just take the easy option with the line of least resistance. A relative had two little boys and used to bring a large bag of (noisy) toys and gadgets to try and occupy her DCs during a restaurant meal. It was carnage. If they weren't banging toys on the table, they were demanding to get down from their chair, or sit in another chair, or play under the table, or play under the next empty table, or go to the loo (yet again). It was noisy and created a constant kerfuffle and certainly didn't create a relaxed ambience for other diners.

I don't think it ever occured to their Mum to actually teach them how to behave properly. Classic case of only giving them what they want e.g. next toy, next gadget, next treat, next sweet, next.......whatever. Rather than giving them what they actually need e.g. the skills to behave appropriately and in a way that, you know, makes other people like them and enjoy their company.

This has nothing to do with money. Some people are just selfish and couldn’t give a damn about others.

Oh no, I absolutely care if it’s on quietly. It’s rude and ignorant, and you’re raising your children to be rude and ignorant.

But irl, my experience is that not many people care. We’ve been out a lot for Xmas meals in December with family, friends, work. Other people’s kids had iPads, no one cared as they were on quietly and we were having our own conversations. My children are adults/teens, they never took devices out with them as younger children and now have AirPods, so your assumptions are wrong. I just don’t care if others have devices on quietly.

Headphones or on silent, kids can understand this very quickly

Well no, if places allow devices on quietly, then it’s ok. If those places aren’t suitable for you, don’t go. Like dog friendly cafes, don’t go if you have an issue with dogs in cafes.

And again, what about people like me who can't deal with loud noise?

My teen daughter has autism and struggles with noise from lots of people talking at the same time. She understands that the world is noisy and they can’t all be told to be silent for her. She avoids some places and wears AirPods in others.

People forget that mobile devices are a very recent phenomenon. What do you think children did in the past when they were out in public with their parents? What do you think adults did on trains etc to prevent boredom? We all managed fine and largely were able to avoid inconveniencing others.

@HolyFuckingNight so I - a grown adult who enjoys nice things - should avoid places such as a nice hotel restaurant (as in this case) because my ASD makes repetitive tinny noises unbearable and actually physically painful just so that kids can have the volume on on their devices?! Give your head a wobble seriously

I remember going to restaurants with my dc and them being given colouring to do at the table

They did get fractious at times

@InAMess2023 You should do what is best for you but you can’t control what others do if the place allows it.

My daughter is autistic so I understand the issue. At 15, she chooses to not go to places that she finds difficult or wears AirPods if they’re unavoidable. She would love everyone to stop chatting as much but understands she can’t control others.

@HolyFuckingNight except the chatting is not the issue I have, as I can understand and accept that. Just because something is 'allowed' aka not specifically banned, doesn't mean that it should just be accepted. It's not illegal to talk very loudly all the way through a film at the cinema but I'm damn sure most people wouldn't put up with it. Apart from a tiny minority of SEN children who cannot tolerate headphones there is absolutely no reason for the volume to be on and I'm not about to pander to the needs of kids who aren't adequately parented.

No-one should be listening to devices in public without headphones or with the sound on. It's the height of entitled, bad manners. If you have a child that can only cope with life by listening to shite on a tablet or phone at full volume, ask yourself how parents and children coped before these devices became ubiquitous. It really wasn't that long ago.

It's lazy parenting and fucking rude.

I work on the railways and in the run up to Christmas told a man with a speaker "switch it off or get off". A couple of weeks earlier I did get thanked by a passenger on the platform after an unsuccessful attempt to deal with a group of drunken arseholes. The thanks was much appreciated, it's not easy challenging self-entitled twats.

MN doesn’t care about ND adults or adults with disabilities.

I’ve posted on many threads like this where parents have accused everyone of not caring about disability and wanting to confine parents to their homes. I’ve pointed out that my ND means that I have to stay inside as I can’t reliably use public spaces due to the endemic of parenting with screens.

It’s always been crickets. They don’t care.

I was sitting next to a teenager waiting for a train last year. No-one else around us. She plays some horrid rap music on loudspeaker. I blasted some 1980s disco remix and smiled at her. She got the message.

Yes, up the revolution!

The thing is it's just the complete lack of consideration for others-
I have SN and literally can not keep a conversation going if there's iPad or phone game noises going off near by.

It is not something people should have to endure in a relaxing environment- McDonald's / arcade / soft play- no issue.

Adult spaces - no.

Allow others to exist - just as much as if I felt more comfortable walking around naked - I would not expect it to be accepted in public, nor would aggression etc. it's not just kids though- people face timing on loud speaker also bad

You may have sn but the fact that you are able to argue on social media and hold a conversation that can be interrupted by distraction puts you in a different league to those I'm guessing @Pinkdressinggownbelt referred to. You would not be classed as severe.

Some people (I'm including some adults) have severe needs such that they cannot wear or tolerate headphones. They may use repetitive noise or sounds and movements, flaps, walk up and down, grunt, use echolelia, squeeze or any number of things which generally annoys the public. These people cannot help it, which is why many public places including theatres have have a policy around noise relating to disability. These people may enjoy being in public places and have as much right as anyone else to be there. It may he easier for them (and others) to have a screen with a familiar programme/ credits/ youtube video to stop the other behaviour. Watching a device maybe unsociable but it is more "normal" than some other behaviour...

Yanbu. Literally every day I have to tolerate adults who do it on trains. It is bizarre. And rude.
if adults think it’s ok then there is no hope for the kids.

Sounds like Mrs Richards from Fawlty Towers.

I'm sure there are a tiny percentage of children whose needs are so severe that they need some level of sound and cannot wear headphones. However the vast majority of times kids have volume on in public it's because they have a useless parent who is either so selfish they don't care about others or is so stupid they have no idea how rude they are being.

Same.
My DP is autistic, and struggles with sounds such as screeching kids and IPads.
When I say struggle, I don't mean he does not like it and can laugh it off. He goes in to full meltdown, and his meltdowns are shouting and lashing out.

Screens and the associated sounds are just plain antisocial.

It's incredibly rude and antisocial and encourages children to grow into adults who have no awareness of the thoughts and feelings of others.

This x1000.

We traveled frequently by plane, rail and auto as kids and portable screens didn't exist then.

Guess what? We amused ourselves by viewing the scenery or conversation with our parents. Imagine that!!

We were quiet, composed, well-behaved and capable of being calm and competent from a young age because we had parents who talked with us, taught us manners, fostered curiosity plus situational awareness, taught us how to actually be resourceful and content with our own thoughts, and to manage boredom.

They didn't try to squelch us into little zombies incapable of coping without a steady stream of passive entertainment.

anyone of any age playing sound from an electronic device in a public place, needs to have the volume low so it doesn't disturb others

An electronic device is always audible to others in the room. No matter how low the sound is. It is piercing and the bleeps and jingles are perceptible and very annoying to others.

It can be 15 or 20 decibels, which is very low conversational noise ant not at all intrusive. But when it's an electronic device it is screechy and tinny and bleepy, and not in any way a normal background noise.

Honestly, you chaps (parents) who imagine that we would rather hear the tinny cacophony of multiple devices while we eat our dinner are sadly misguided.

What we would like to see, and we would happily put up with the fallout,
is parents actively teaching their chldren how to behave in a restaurant.
I love seeing kids in eating places. I have to drag up my experiences in the European continent. Kids are there from 8pm till 11pm sometimes.

They are a joy. They have loads of fun and play together. They create loads of fun and it's joyful to watch. They do not need electronic devices.

In the UK, kids are always screeching ad crying and shouting NO!
I travel widely, and i don't see this anywhere else.

What is it with British people, who seem utterly incapable of teaching their children anything at all.

*I think arguing that anyone who ever allows their children access to a screen in a discreet and non-disruptive way is a bad parent (which is what your post implies) is quite a stretch

Nobody but nobody has said that. If it works for you and yours then you have to do it. It makes you a good parent in fact.

I'm the mother of a daughter with severe LD, I use a screen whenever I can, to keep my daughter occupied in waiting rooms and wherever we have to go..

But I would never, ever, in a million years think it was ok to have the SOUND on.
It's just so rude and disruptive. Nobody else wants to hear it and neither should they be forced to listen to it. As disabled as she is, non verbal and has no idea of where she is and why, she has become accepting that there are certain situations where it just happens that the cartoons on the phone or tablet don't have a soundtrack.

It's quite a hard road to get there, but I've had 40 years to finesse it.
I'm still looking after her. And trust me folks. If you want to get over the really hard bits, you have to be very firm.

It's really dead easy to set the rule that we don't do noisy stuff on the bus or the train. It might be hard for the first 10 years, but it will eventually bear fruit

Most folks here, I imagine, have pretty normal kids

So they'll be much easier to teach all this normal stuff to.

Except, apparently, and in my experience, they don't seem to teach
their kids anything beyond their "rights"

Along with rights, come a lot of responsibilities. You cannot have
one without the other,

You very lucky people, who have normal kids, do them a massive favour, and bring then up to be nice people. Some responses on mumsnet make me aware that not everyone is nice person.

"Noise of gadgets on trains doesn't bother me so neither should it bother anybody else" So that's it, for them.