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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD taking home the vodka she brought to 'contribute' to Christmas

245 replies

Twigletgirl27 · 26/12/2023 12:15

My DSD is 31 and for context doesn't work, I don't think she ever had in the 13 years I've known her. She has a flat about 20 miles from us.

She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks. I wouldn't dream of asking for money towards the meal but feel bringing something is the right and thoughtful thing to do (though she needs to be reminded every year).....

She brought vodka and seemed to have a few, mixed with coke, over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which she made herself. However this morning when packing to go a two thirds full bottle of vodka is with her stuff to take home. So clearly she has been drinking our booze and even this tiny contribution to the day she is taking home.

Her dad says he will speak to her at some point. I know she'd make a scene, shouting and slamming doors (yes, at 31...) so today probably wasn't a good day, but am I being petty and unreasonable expecting her to leave the vodka here? I would have happily drank it!

OP posts:
GrannyRose15 · 26/12/2023 14:15

Of course YANBU. The vodka should have been treated a gift. Next year make a big fuss of taking from her what she has bought with a “ oh that’s lovely I’ll enjoy drinking that into the new year” And then hide it so she has to ask for it if she wants a drink.

Alondra · 26/12/2023 14:17

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 14:05

I don't know what you call bad manners and rude. But this is a good example.

Wanting to happily drink the leftover vodka belonging to your unemployed step daughter who has alcohol problems, certainly trumps that.

Show quote history

Do you take uneaten chocolates back when they are part of your contribution to a birthday party?

Do you take back a bottle of wine you gave to your mom, sister, brother, son, daughter etc, as a contribution to a celebration, because it wasn't opened?

If the OP's daughter has been long term unemployed, she shouldn't be buying vodka in the first place. It's fucking expensive. But if she wanted to contribute and saved to buy it, she shouldn't have taken it with her. It was a gift and her contribution to Christmas.

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2023 14:17

GrannyRose15 · 26/12/2023 14:15

Of course YANBU. The vodka should have been treated a gift. Next year make a big fuss of taking from her what she has bought with a “ oh that’s lovely I’ll enjoy drinking that into the new year” And then hide it so she has to ask for it if she wants a drink.

Nasty way to treat your step daughter who has problems with alcohol.

Or anyone with alcohol problems for that matter.

Viviennemary · 26/12/2023 14:17

Both of you sound petty and immature. Her for taking the vodka back and you for being annoyed about it. Who cares especially if she hasn't much money and thinks nobody wants it.

Beezknees · 26/12/2023 14:21

Alondra · 26/12/2023 14:17

Do you take uneaten chocolates back when they are part of your contribution to a birthday party?

Do you take back a bottle of wine you gave to your mom, sister, brother, son, daughter etc, as a contribution to a celebration, because it wasn't opened?

If the OP's daughter has been long term unemployed, she shouldn't be buying vodka in the first place. It's fucking expensive. But if she wanted to contribute and saved to buy it, she shouldn't have taken it with her. It was a gift and her contribution to Christmas.

Show quote history

The DSD has an alcohol problem according to OP's other threads so I'm not sure why she would expect DSD to behave appropriately when it comes to alcohol.

RafaistheKingofClay · 26/12/2023 14:22

Viviennemary · 26/12/2023 14:17

Both of you sound petty and immature. Her for taking the vodka back and you for being annoyed about it. Who cares especially if she hasn't much money and thinks nobody wants it.

This.

I’m a bit bemused by both sides of this.

gruberandassocs · 26/12/2023 14:23

It's not the politest of things to take it back but making a fuss over it is not exactly in the Debretts book of etiquette either. For gods sake let it go before escalating it to an uncomfortable situation for such a minor matter.

Zanatdy · 26/12/2023 14:26

I wouldn’t have taken it as it’s rude but I couldn’t be angry enough that I’d want her spoken to

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/12/2023 14:27

Wow someone didn't like my comment.

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 14:27

The DSD doesn't sound petty. She sounds like someone with alcohol addiction problems.

Only op is petty and immature here.

Alondra · 26/12/2023 14:28

Beezknees · 26/12/2023 14:21

The DSD has an alcohol problem according to OP's other threads so I'm not sure why she would expect DSD to behave appropriately when it comes to alcohol.

Show quote history

I have no idea if the OP's daughter has an alcohol problem, I don't check names on threads.

But the issue remains, that in this thread, her daughter's behaviour is rude considering her age.

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 26/12/2023 14:30

Alondra · 26/12/2023 14:28

I have no idea if the OP's daughter has an alcohol problem, I don't check names on threads.

But the issue remains, that in this thread, her daughter's behaviour is rude considering her age.

Show quote history

It's her STEP daughter and alcohol problems and unemployment know no age.

AgnesX · 26/12/2023 14:34

You don't charge your husband's daughter... Do you charge anyone else?

Are you so hard up that you begrudge her dinner and half a bottle of vodka?

Butchyrestingface · 26/12/2023 14:35

@Twigletgirl27 I would want to know why she's never worked. I mean, it's not like the 21st century welfare state just indefinitely supports economic inactivity in people who have never worked without a bloody good reason.

You felt it appropriate to tell everyone that she's never worked in a thread about etiquette around a bottle of vodka, so I think you should indicate why she has never held down a job. Is she disabled?

Either way, she sounds quite stingy and mean. But if you want her to contribute to the meal, ask her to do so next year. Otherwise, I really couldn't get worked up about it.

Reesescheeses · 26/12/2023 14:36

It’s all very well saying this isn’t an issue from your comfortable lives where a bottle of vodka is nothing to you but what if OP and her husband really struggle for money and have gone without to provide for DSD? Does seem like such a small issue then.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 26/12/2023 14:36

We have had people bringing bottles of alcohol and taking back what they'd dint drink. Not something I would do, but also not something I would "have words" with my guests about...

Butchyrestingface · 26/12/2023 14:37

If the OP's daughter has been long term unemployed, she shouldn't be buying vodka in the first place.

What, not even at Christmas?

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 14:40

Reesescheeses · 26/12/2023 14:36

It’s all very well saying this isn’t an issue from your comfortable lives where a bottle of vodka is nothing to you but what if OP and her husband really struggle for money and have gone without to provide for DSD? Does seem like such a small issue then.

Then I'd expect her to say so.

I mean she didn't hold back in telling us this woman hasn't worked in 13 years...

But the OP's bitch plopped and fucked off anyway.

Probably doesn't like the replies that aren't jumping in to attack the SD.

clpsmum · 26/12/2023 14:41

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 12:16

If she was the only one who drank it, she probably thinks no-one else will so she might as well take it home?

This and I can't imagine asking my children for contributions especially at Christmas and when she doesn't work!

Alondra · 26/12/2023 14:43

Butchyrestingface · 26/12/2023 14:37

If the OP's daughter has been long term unemployed, she shouldn't be buying vodka in the first place.

What, not even at Christmas?

Not even in Christmas if she's drinking free loading for 2 days and taking whatever is left in the bottle she brought to her parents place as a contribution. She's not 18, she's 31. If she's so hard up for money, she shouldn't be buying expensive alcohol.

chipsewfast · 26/12/2023 14:44

You sound resentful and picky. Host graciously or not at all

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 14:48

Reesescheeses · 26/12/2023 14:36

It’s all very well saying this isn’t an issue from your comfortable lives where a bottle of vodka is nothing to you but what if OP and her husband really struggle for money and have gone without to provide for DSD? Does seem like such a small issue then.

If you're struggling for money, surely you have more important things to worry about than a communal bottle of vodka?

IdaPolly · 26/12/2023 14:52

Reesescheeses · 26/12/2023 14:36

It’s all very well saying this isn’t an issue from your comfortable lives where a bottle of vodka is nothing to you but what if OP and her husband really struggle for money and have gone without to provide for DSD? Does seem like such a small issue then.

You mean if they were hoping to sell the vodka on or that they're alcoholics and need the vodka? Otherwise i can't see what difference it would make to them if they are struggling financially.

Namerequired · 26/12/2023 14:58

Omg that answers in this. If you had said any other 30yr old guest it would be very different but you said the trigger word step child.
Yes it’s rude. I would expect this of a teen, maybe early 20s student but not someone in their 30s.
I wouldn’t say anything though, just next year ask her to bring dessert/cheese board/starter or something.
Though tbh if it was my child I would say something, only because while I would roll my eyes and laugh at them doing it in my house, I wouldn’t be happy with them doing it in someone else’s, and I would feel it my job as a parent to teach them not to do so (though preferably well before 30)

avocadotofu · 26/12/2023 15:00

I echo others, does it really matter that much? It would really bother me.