DSD taking home the vodka she brought to 'contribute' to Christmas

[Twigletgirl27]

My DSD is 31 and for context doesn't work, I don't think she ever had in the 13 years I've known her. She has a flat about 20 miles from us.

She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks. I wouldn't dream of asking for money towards the meal but feel bringing something is the right and thoughtful thing to do (though she needs to be reminded every year).....

She brought vodka and seemed to have a few, mixed with coke, over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which she made herself. However this morning when packing to go a two thirds full bottle of vodka is with her stuff to take home. So clearly she has been drinking our booze and even this tiny contribution to the day she is taking home.

Her dad says he will speak to her at some point. I know she'd make a scene, shouting and slamming doors (yes, at 31...) so today probably wasn't a good day, but am I being petty and unreasonable expecting her to leave the vodka here? I would have happily drank it!

I agree. She reminds me of teenage/student parties where you clung on whatever bottle you had taken all night and then took it home with you.

I would never expect to take my contribution (booze or food) home with me unless the host pushed it into my hands as I left. But I'd probably not make a fuss about it now. Not unreasonable of the OP to ask for a contribution (we don't know their financial situation) but another year I'd be more forthcoming about what would work.

Your poor kids if they're seen as 'freeloaders' because they've accepted and invitation to spend Christmas Day with you.

Honestly, this thread is just awful.

I think the rules of being a polite guest are different when it’s the parent-child relationship. My mum never lets me or my siblings contribute anything, we will usually bring stuff anyway but then still end up with her insisting we take it back home and usually she sends us home it’s plenty more leftovers and things than we brought anyway. I rarely leave my mums empty handed when it comes to food/ alcohol etc and even more so at Christmas. I think it’s normal for a lot of parents to want to spoil their adult children at Christmas, seems a bit mean of your DP to begrudge his hard up daughter an opened bottle of vodka!

Interesting that the OP has also been estranged from her own children for a while...

I'm not sure I could care about this to be honest - it's a leftover bottle of vodka, surely if you have a need of one that badly one can be bought - if not - who cares even more so. If it had been drunk it wouldn't have been there to take.

I get that it is more the principle but presumably if she isn't working at aged 31 there is some reason for this and she is not exactly likely to have much money, and apparently doesn't have anywhere else to go on christmas day. I doubt I'd be bothered about a token contribution at all, since I wouldn't ask other guests for it.

From OP’s previous thread:

I've been married to mu second husband for 8 years and he has two grown up children late twenties. As long as I've known them they've not worked, had drug and alcohol problems, borrow constantly from their dad for 'Gas or electric' but funnily enough have money for cigarettes/booze. They come to us every year for Christmas, usually bringing nothing but drinking/eating huge amounts.

If you care about and genuinely like someone, you do not mind small things they do wrong or at least they are quickly forgotten. Dc usually are in this category.

If you are just tolerating them, they will get on your nerves.

So she took her drink back home with her because no one had really touched it? What’s the problem?

My mince pies remained unopened yesterday so I took them back home with me!

FFS it gets worse.

So the OP would happily drink (her words, not mine) the leftover vodka of an unemployed woman with alcohol problems.

The OP and her husband have stooped so low, their knees must be knackered.

Freeloading by spending Christmas Day at her dads? I’d better go and give my son an invoice for food eaten yesterday. Or is it only step kids that get invoiced?

To be fair, his children sound awful. Perhaps poor parenting from their dad.

How much time do people spend on here that they know the ins and outs of a poster's life, such as their estrangement from their children, when the poster hasn't even mentioned it on the thread?! I know people used to joke about 'updating the spreadsheet' but I'm starting to wonder 😆.

Or maybe she didn't share the whole story because she didn't think it was necessary. Her post was about a 31 year old daughter which only contribution for Christmas was a bottle of vodka, freeloaded on drinks for 2 days, and took back a 3/4 full bottle with her.

I don't know what you call bad manners and rude. But this is a good example.

Sounds like their dad has done a pretty poor job of raising them if they BOTH have drug and alcohol issues. Something has gone wrong somewhere.

How long have you been on chat forums that you've never heard of the search functions they provide?

More and more often I’m seeing posters go out of there way to search up a username.

People should really make use of the name change function before they post a thread on here. Next thing, your whole life story has been copied and pasted onto your current thread

It doesn't sound like you have a great relationship. I can't imagine begrudging my kids a drink, or expecting them to contribute. They will always be my kids and it's gift enough that they want to come home.

I don't know what you call bad manners and rude. But this is a good example.

Wanting to happily drink the leftover vodka belonging to your unemployed step daughter who has alcohol problems, certainly trumps that.

That's the risk you take when posting on the internet. It's there forever.

Hence why people should take advantage of the name change function before they post a thread. Too many people go out of their way to be weird

You are naive if you think this is true.

95% of claimants out work long term probably have good reason. But don’t kid yourself that there aren’t a few who know exactly how to play the system in their favour.

Nobody knows which camp OPs DSD falls in.

We would do the same.

You may think it rude of her but I think that it would be ruder to make an issue out of it especially if you already have a fractured relationship.

Agree with pp, if you insist on a contribution maybe ask that she brings dessert.

That a 31 y.o woman brings a bottle of vodka for a Christmas invitation, daughter or not, and takes it home half empty is rude, bad manners and shows little respect for anyone except herself.

How is that rude? I’d genuinely love to know. Would it have been better if she asked whether she can take the bottle back with her? Why wouldn’t she take it with her, I don’t get that?

Along with my mince pies, I visited a family member’s house with quite a bit of food. Whatever was unopened/hardly touched, I took back home with me. I didn’t need to ask because 1) it’s family and 2) they had so much shit left over anyway!

I claim benefits myself and have done for 15 years. I know the system like the back of my hand. You can't "play" it especially not nowadays.

Of course you can't remain unemployed and claiming benefits for at least 13 years without good reason.

And as a PP pointed out, there's been drug and alcohol problems so it could very well be that.

And to the PPs who think the OP should've name changed, none of that would've come to light and I feel it's quite pertinent.

That and the OP being estranged from her own adult children and not liking her adult stepchildren either.