To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

I guess depends on if they need a babysitter or childcare

Wow I respect this mum and will be doing the same. My first caught an awful cold immediately because MIL thought it was fine to stick her grubby fingers in his mouth when she first cuddled him at 5 days old. Then friends visited and brought their snotty kids and he was hardly able to breathe when he inevitably caught what they had. Of course these were the same friends who made us wash our hands and change outdoor clothes before we could meet their pfbs, but didn’t extend the same courtesy because “kids are always sick” and we’d never see you otherwise, tinkly laugh. People are selfish and entitled and minimise their own shitty behaviour, like prioritising their “need” for a newborn cuddle over the baby’s own health and well-being. We’re having the first three weeks without visitors for the next one and also now a very big “hands off” sign too.

So true. Also older siblings will pick up everything going at nursery and bring it home to the baby anyway. Young children aren't known for their strict personal hygiene

I have a just turned 2 year old, and have never been given advice from a midwife about who should be doing what for my baby!
OP, personally, I’m with you, and happily handed around all my babies. But then I only met up with people I liked, so maybe that made a difference. Having said that, I had a relative who would barely let anyone hold her baby, but that was because she said she missed the baby the whole time someone else had her. She is now an overbearing mum to her 12 year old (in my opinion), but each to their own.

Are you trying to make nonsensical points to trivialise the importance of boundaries?

Exactly!

The blue haired nutties here, and in general life are hell bent on wiping out civilisation with their gender crap, WE DONT WANT KIDS EVER, and these counter intuitive "boundaries".

I think it's absolutely over the top ridiculous and precious. I also don't get the parents who decide no one can visit for two weeks before the child is even born. I had a friend who did publish a list of visiting rules on her fb but soon deleted them!

I don't think it's wild if they aren't comfortable with people picking up their baby, I'm sure plenty is fuelled by social media and the rhetoric spread by some that babies who are held by anyone other than the parents will get gravely ill. The sign sounds extreme though, is she doing okay?

I really haven't come across anyone who is so anxious about their newborn as I read about on here. Any new babies I can recall, family or friends, have been duly and proudly presented for gushing over unless they were asleep.
I think those who are so inclined, write about/talk about it more so we hear more of it on mumsnet. That's my theory anyway. It's not prevalent in rl. Or at least, that's my experience. I know others will have different experiences to recall.

It’s policy in your area to advise new
parents that babies not yet old enough for any vaccinations should be passed around ‘the more the better’? You’ve encountered multiple midwives advising this?

I find that extremely difficult to believe.

Bit odd to feel you need a sign, but perfectly normal to be wary with very small babies.

Yeah same, seems totally normalised on here but yet I've never known a single person to act like this.

It’s fine. I mean, the sign is a bit odd, but maybe she realised everyone would overstep boundaries and she’d have to repeat herself a million times. Why would anyone expect “cuddles” with a baby?

I think you are confused about a) what boundaries are and b) whose “boundaries” you are talking about.

She’s doing the right thing for her, it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks. My little one is nearly 2 and I hated the idea of her being passed around for everyone to get a cuddle.
Theres loads of bugs doing the rounds at the moment so she’s looking out for her baby. When she feels ready and is comfortable then she will let others hold but I definitely wouldn’t kiss the baby.

I had a sign on my baby’s pram saying no touching as the amount of strangers who would poke their head into the pram and feel it was okay to stroke her face, drove me nuts!

This.

Good for her

Exactly. A baby needs love and physical touch.

It's everything to do with consent.
I'm sad you don't see that.

Yes, it's a new thing @ankara

Very much a MN thing too. I have no doubt your SIL is a MN user on.

Like you, my children are older.
Like you, I see babies have been cuddled by those who love them for millennia.
Like you, I don't understand why a growing proportion of new mums have got this bizarre "don't touch the baby" thing going on.

Babies need socialising. Most babies love cuddles. Babies are part of a wider family they need to get to know. I'm not sure how this happens when they're only with parents in their early months. I saw one thread a while back where parents hadn't let anyone cuddle their baby besides them for the first 18 months of their life. That poor child.

99.9% of new mums were cuddled by their family and friends when they were newborns themselves. Was there an issue with this, or was this all as it should be?

I just can't understand this ridiculous new baby trend. It's to the detriment of the baby as far as I'm concerned.

(Awaits some "research" telling me how wrong I am...)

My baby and many others had no immune issues but still ended up in hospital with RSV. The mother’s mental health is also a medical reason. She also doesn’t need a reason to put boundaries in place for the baby she has just grown and birthed 🙈

I found anyone (not saying that will be you) who had an issue with any boundaries we put in place (without the sign), were the ones who vanished the second the baby turned 2 months and wasn’t as tiny or cute anymore, aka my in-laws. They just went 3 months without seeing our baby and toddler there despite living locally but made my life a living hell in the early days overstepping any boundaries we put in place and answering me back when I politely asked them not to do something. The concept of answering back someone who has literally just been cut in half and sitting in agony, sleep deprived and heavily bleeding in their own home is utter madness 😂

Hold the mum not the baby and all that!

I only had my parents and in laws visit my baby for the first two weeks. Mt siblings waited and respected my decision. It was due to covid, not wanting bugs in my house and just needing time to be a small family and not have the pressure of people ‘dropping by’ when all we wanted to do was sit on the couch/ bed and spend time in our bubble.

😆

That doesn't bring some sort of entitlement with it though. The only thing over the top is that she's felt forced to do this because people wont leave the baby alone.

My last baby I hardly ever put down at all. 😁I would even go in at night pick her up asleep just to hold her.

I’m trying to picture what you are describing, the baby is crying, the mother won’t pick up the baby herself but asks for her husband to come and do it, then if he is not available says ‘ok fine someone else can do it, but just for the task and no enjoyment allowed’ is this what is happening? It sounds a bit far fetched.

Not from every single visitor though
The parents will be the main ones responsible for this, with limited amounts from those close to the baby. Nobody should assume to hug or touch someone else's child.