To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

Support her don't sneer at her

Forcing affection on a baby without consent 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Now I’ve heard it all. Will be a long time before baby can formally consent to cuddles, would be pretty cruel, neglectful and harmful to deny affection until then..

…be the same people who are moaning in a few years time that they get no help from the ILs with the PFB.

wait until baby number 2 or 3 comes along, they will be desperate to hand them over

Having my read replies, maybe it's a bonding thing? Mum is sore and baby is bottle fed so if this is the new ante natal advice and it's intent is to promote bonding, then that would make sense.

Are you being serious? Of course there is a medical reason, the medical reason is that the baby is 3 weeks old.

Do you know what rsv can do a baby? Covid? Flu? Norovirus?

Get a grip and respect that they care more about keeping their baby safe than your feelings.

There's loads of people like this now. So uptight and it's quite frankly, very boring. And the sign is a bit much 😆

Very sad for family as well.

These will be their first women to moan when they aren't receiving any support from family, they won't tie it back to the appalling way they have behaved in the early days and the poor family won't know where they stand with it all.

Takes a village to bring up baby...

I did this to my dc (all had been either in nicu or born when there were outbreaks of something - swine flu and covid)

DH family are very much ‘pass the baby round’ and babies and toddlers are looked after by everyone, off overnight from a young age and ALWAYS bottle fed (they spoke about BF as if it was some kind of abuse)

When I asked them to wash hands etc before meeting babies and made sure nobody was ill and declined babysitting from a few weeks old they just went extremely low contact, they see my dc about once a year, and declared that my parenting style (staying ‘too close’ with my dc) has made them anxious and unsociable and that’s what is ‘wrong’ with them not in fact autism 🤦‍♀️

There are so many nasty germs about this winter that I don't blame her at all. Maybe in previous years I would have thought it was overkill, but we've all been ill on and off since half-term with some pretty nasty stuff (not just the usual winter coughs and colds) and, going by the MN threads, there are lots of relatives schlepping D&V and Covid and other nasty things into each other's houses without giving it much thought.

Maybe there’s a sign there because you won’t listen, even if she tells you?
Yes, there are medical reasons for it, the baby is only three weeks old and has had no inoculations or anything. It shouldn’t be exposed to germs and illnesses that you may all carry.

An actual sign? 😆

I think people have gone mad these days, and the responses on MN to post like this baffle me. Everyone saying totally fine putting a sign up like that. It's batshit. Yeah I agree it's pretty normal to pass the baby over to a visitor for a little cuddle, boundaries of course. Clean hands, no kissing, whatever whatever. But a sign, it's crazy. But these are the times we seem to be living in now, it's normalised.

It’s absolute nonsense.

Nobody is suggesting denying all affection though, simply the parents having a say where the affection comes from and when it happens.
My mum, FIL, sister and family, close friends cuddled my baby, none of them kissed him though, and random folk were simply not offered that option. Everyone also respected when was appropriate to cuddle. Maybe OPs SIL has less understanding family.

This is a new made up phenomena in almost all cultures. Its well known that people bond with babies when cuddling them. I find it very strange that you would go out of your way to do something that stops those that are meant to love your baby bonding with them?

Are you one of those people who asks for consent to change a nappy 😆

There seems to be a trend lately of telling people what you are willing to prioritise over them. I don't think it's particularly nice to invite someone over to expect them spend time visiting you and your child to then set such rigid rules. I mean surely you're grateful for the love and kindness they're showing by coming to visit?!? It seems like the OP's relatives are acting rather entitled, yes it's their child but they could've asked them not to touch not put up a sign as if their child was an exhibition!

She’s a new mum, likely very stressed out and everyone grabbing her baby doesn’t help. Perhaps she’s dealing with PND or health anxiety. Some families are overbearing too, if you have overbearing characters in yours that’s probably why she’s felt the need to do the sign if people just will not listen or respect or see overly controlling. I have a few of those in my family who won’t respect other people’s right to say no to things. Good for her.

Nobody is suggesting denying all affection though, simply the parents having a say where the affection comes from and when it happens

yeh, which has absolutely nothing to do with principles around “forcing affection” without “consent” (since babies obviously can’t “consent” to such things- other than through screaming I guess) and everything to do with parents being controlling and possessive about their PFB.

There is no medical reason and baby being three weeks old is certainly no t a medical reason.
If a baby were to be so immunosuppressed by nature, it would not live past one day post partum.That's a silly argument.

That sign 😆

I guess it's her baby, her rules though. Hopefully you will get a hold.

wait until baby number 2 or 3 comes along, they will be desperate to hand them over

I was going to say ...

Fucking hell...
' Consent' ' forced affection' .... in a new born
This place has gone fucking nuts 😂

I've never come across this attitude from new mums in real life - only on MN!

Sounds over the top to me!

They have great immune systems as antibodies are passed to them via the placenta (plus breast milk)

Baby is being bottle fed.

I never minded anyone picking up my newborns. Thankfully only had a handful of visitors. But my mum used to put her dirty finger in ds's mouth. She never washed her hands after arriving from using public transport. I quickly put a stop to that and she didn't do it with dd 3 years later so all was well.
Good that she's boundary setting, sign's a bit weird imo