To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

So sorry to hear that. Hope baby is ok now

'Babies survived for millions of years'- well, a bit over half of them did. Until modern medicine, sanitation and vaccinations, an awful lot of babies did NOT survive, We should not equate the survival of the human race with the robustness of individual babies.

And in the past, the wider family usually lived very close to the immediate family, and were far less likely than nowadays to be bringing 'new' germs from a distance.

People now feel like they lost so much during the lockdowns that they “need to live their lives”.

I had someone say that to me on Christmas Eve when I hit the roof at them randomly popping into my house when three of their four children have chicken pox and they themselves had d&v the day before.

Apparently their want to catch up with a relative that was staying with me as they hadn’t seen them for ages was more important than the risk to anyone else.

selfish is so much more prevalent

I guess it was a strange time and it has accordingly provoked extreme reactions in many.

See now, as far as I'm aware new babies have been passed around for inspection/cuddles since forever. Most seem to weather 'big germs' ok. I don't think they ARE that fragile are they?

Are you aware of the higher number of infant deaths since forever?

It sounds like your SIL has to put up boundaries because some of you aren't listening? Have your own baby if you know better.

It's the medical advice in my country to keep germs away from the baby for the first three months.

Really? I hated visitors in the first few months. I did it because it was expected and because I love my MIL and dad and didn't want to keep them away. I'd much rather be exhausted, spit on, breastfeed and bleed without visitors.

I was disabled by a virus. I went to bed well one night, but when I got up the next morning, my legs gave way. It was caused by a virus, diagnosed by a spinal tap - with dye they didn't test on me for allergy. I was very ill. I have GBS/CIDP and am on DLA for 30 years. That disease is rare, but babies and young children get it.

No one knows just what viruses are out there. I applaud this mother for her wisdom.

hellsBells246 · Today 10:51

Babies survived for millions of years with wider family giving them cuddles and touching them!!
Show quote history

They did indeed, hellsbells246, but until the 20th century, when people became more knowledgeable, babies died in their thousands, especially in Victorian times, and we only have DNA since the 1990s. Technology only came to the fore in the 21st century, and we are still discovering new things.

Thankfully in the news today there has been reports of progress on another preventative treatment for RSV. The fact that these measures are being recommended for use in the NHS show just how dangerous this virus can be for little ones.

I’m so sorry you went through that. I’ll never forget my 4 month old intubated on a ventilator with it.

I hope they bring the vaccine in ASAP.

Yep. It’s marked.

Thank you@Mumof3confused what i was referring to in an earlier post - Nhs Guidelines currently. Especially the kissing & the herpes virus.

@YerArseInParsley

“So let people help!”

The sink, washing machine and ironing board are that way ➡️

“None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.”

Quote from the op’s first post. Sil has NOT said that op can’t have a cuddle, but can only have a cuddle when she or her husband says so.

I’m sorry you guys went through this. The trouble with these threads is people want to make bold statements about things ( newborns are robust, this behaviour is bollocks, what’s going to happen etc) and that desire sometimes rides roughshod over the fact that there are real people and real situations behind the issues. I’m sure if the thread had started with a case of a baby going through what you went through the statements wouldn’t have been as sweeping. Sometimes people just don’t think unless it is spelled out even though they don’t mean to be insensitive ( and a very few actually enjoy making ripples but that’s their issue). Personally I get the impression OP’s SIL is struggling with lack of support from her own family and I’m glad they have moved to MIL. It’s a vulnerable time for many when you have been through a physical ordeal of childbirth, milk coming in, hormones raging, body often hurting and looking unreal ( that saggy tummy!!) and you have a tiny precious but utterly defenceless person to protect. The first baby can be a big adjustment no matter how welcome.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a baby dangerously poorly, but I only know it must demand enormous strength from Mum.

For those who have had the displeasure of living though it please consider getting support for yourself to come to terms with things. I ended up being diagnosed with PTSD and a course of CBT and some counselling has helped me learn how to deal with the flashbacks and the other issues.

Well, since some families and friends are all over new babies with unwashed hands, even sticking them in the baby's mouth, and also some people STILL kiss babies when they have cold sores, it seems fine to me.

There is generally nothing whatsoever wrong with waiting until the parents offer to give their baby to you, if you are just visiting and not involved in day-to-day childcare within a household or family unit. Why would you consider it all right to delve into a newborn baby's crib, and start messing with the baby, uninvited, OP?

It was also the case that we lived in MUCH smaller and less mobile populations.

The virus profiles of wildlife is known to change on either side of a motorway, as it's a physical barrier to virus transmission. Our bodies are designed to acclimatise steadily to a small number of very localised viruses in our near family and population.

Not aunts and uncles strewn across a country of millions.

I find this new phenomenon so odd... In my experience cuddles for family with new babies was really normal and even wanted as would give the new mum a break and time to eat etc. I was more than happy to hand over both my girls to family and friends when they came to visit! That was only 8 years and 5 years ago.
A sign is completely over the top. If you are that bothered just don't bother having any visits!
Also if germs are the issue what the heck happens when you have a second and third baby?? They'll be exposed to so so many germs from their siblings!!

but says who ?
from my experience , I would keep a new born away from cuddles and passing him / her from one person to another in my own interest .
its only for a while.

That’s actually a really good and interesting point - esp the mororway bit.

It's why Freshers Flu is a real thing, not just a synonym for a hangover.

I ran an annual event once, and always came away with what I called conference flu.

Oh, and my own pet theory is that the pace of change and scientific discovery had disrupted social bonds.

In plain terms, one's relatives are more likely to talk BS, whereas before, there either was no official advice, or it changed slowly. Talking BS is stressful to nee mums, hence a keenness for the newborn bubble phase.