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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having to do prayers on Christmas Day

560 replies

Fretfulmum · 25/12/2023 23:50

DH is Christian and he and his family are quite religious- goes to church weekly etc. I’m not Christian and I don’t attend church or do anything religious, I’m pretty much an atheist. We hosted DH’s parents and siblings and partners today. His parents wanted to do prayers before Christmas lunch. I told DH I’m not happy about having to do it but just let them get on with it whilst I sat there. In the evening, they wanted to do more. I’d had enough and I left the room without saying anything and let them crack on with it. Half way through the DC (toddlers) realised I wasn’t there and left the room to see where I was so they missed some of it. DH was so angry with me that I didn’t partake as it was a “whole family unit” thing and it disrespected his whole family? Apparently I ruined the day and now he’s sleeping in the spare room. AIBU that’s it my house and if I don’t want to do religious prayers that I sit out and go into another room ?

OP posts:
TriOptimim · 28/12/2023 01:00

secular37 · 28/12/2023 00:36

I think it's a bit sad.

I agree that no one should impose their beliefs on others.

But from the OP,

Your children do not attend Church..maybe on the odd occasion but not weekly.

You do not pray at home.

...and yet the people are telling the OP that her DH is being unfair. The OP's DH is not really practicing his Christian faith within his family home. It goes both ways.

OP, I understand your concerns but you chose to marry a devout Christian and your DH chose to marry an atheist. It was doomed from the start. I would never ever date someone who had a different faith to me (unless they were an agnostic). But it causes big issues... if it's not within the marriage, it's the outside family members. I hate to say it. But maybe you need to reconsider this relationship.

Just because you are unable to love and respect someone who doesn't share your religion doesn't mean everyone is.

clpsmum · 28/12/2023 01:18

I think it's really rude of you tbh. You didn't mind partaking in any of the other festivities for Christmas which is a RELIGIOUS holiday but you couldn't just sit quietly for five minutes.

TriOptimim · 28/12/2023 01:19

clpsmum · 28/12/2023 01:18

I think it's really rude of you tbh. You didn't mind partaking in any of the other festivities for Christmas which is a RELIGIOUS holiday but you couldn't just sit quietly for five minutes.

Did you even bother to read the thread?

SpecialCharacters · 28/12/2023 02:22

clpsmum · 28/12/2023 01:18

I think it's really rude of you tbh. You didn't mind partaking in any of the other festivities for Christmas which is a RELIGIOUS holiday but you couldn't just sit quietly for five minutes.

Read the OP’s posts FFS.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 28/12/2023 09:41

clpsmum · 28/12/2023 01:18

I think it's really rude of you tbh. You didn't mind partaking in any of the other festivities for Christmas which is a RELIGIOUS holiday but you couldn't just sit quietly for five minutes.

Do you know what's even more rude? Not reading any of the posts from @Fretfulmum and numerous other posters, who clarify that this did not involve merely 5 minutes of sitting quiet. It was much more than than. Go back and read the thread properly, or at least OP's comments!

CandyLeBonBon · 28/12/2023 09:44

@mnhq we should be able to pin a post at the top of a thread telling people to read the OP's comments as well as the op, especially if there are key updates. It's so bloody tedious having repeated 'cancel the cheque' type comments because people don't bother to look beyond the first post.

secular37 · 28/12/2023 11:24

@TriOptimim

Just because you are unable to love and respect someone who doesn't share your religion doesn't mean everyone is

In tribute to the late Tina Tuner, "What's love got to do with it?".

Sometimes, love is not enough. People who are devoted to their faith would like to share that with the children. It becomes increasingly difficult when children are involved and have conflicting religious views. Religion is not just a title, it embodies a person's entire life/views/upbringing.

TriOptimim · 28/12/2023 11:43

secular37 · 28/12/2023 11:24

@TriOptimim

Just because you are unable to love and respect someone who doesn't share your religion doesn't mean everyone is

In tribute to the late Tina Tuner, "What's love got to do with it?".

Sometimes, love is not enough. People who are devoted to their faith would like to share that with the children. It becomes increasingly difficult when children are involved and have conflicting religious views. Religion is not just a title, it embodies a person's entire life/views/upbringing.

Good thing OP is not preventing her husband from doing that then.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 28/12/2023 11:44

secular37 · 28/12/2023 11:24

@TriOptimim

Just because you are unable to love and respect someone who doesn't share your religion doesn't mean everyone is

In tribute to the late Tina Tuner, "What's love got to do with it?".

Sometimes, love is not enough. People who are devoted to their faith would like to share that with the children. It becomes increasingly difficult when children are involved and have conflicting religious views. Religion is not just a title, it embodies a person's entire life/views/upbringing.

Where does it say that @Fretfulmum is stopping her partner and his family from sharing their faith though? She already sat through one set of prayers, she does not need to sit through another. They also need to not assume to pray as much as they like, or would at home, in a house which also has atheists in it.
Nobody has to partake of anyone else's religion, especially in their own home!

MrDirtyBear · 28/12/2023 16:44

Mostly it becomes difficult only when one half of the relationship believes they have a right to force their religion, or religious strictures on their family.

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