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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having to do prayers on Christmas Day

560 replies

Fretfulmum · 25/12/2023 23:50

DH is Christian and he and his family are quite religious- goes to church weekly etc. I’m not Christian and I don’t attend church or do anything religious, I’m pretty much an atheist. We hosted DH’s parents and siblings and partners today. His parents wanted to do prayers before Christmas lunch. I told DH I’m not happy about having to do it but just let them get on with it whilst I sat there. In the evening, they wanted to do more. I’d had enough and I left the room without saying anything and let them crack on with it. Half way through the DC (toddlers) realised I wasn’t there and left the room to see where I was so they missed some of it. DH was so angry with me that I didn’t partake as it was a “whole family unit” thing and it disrespected his whole family? Apparently I ruined the day and now he’s sleeping in the spare room. AIBU that’s it my house and if I don’t want to do religious prayers that I sit out and go into another room ?

OP posts:
SpecialCharacters · 26/12/2023 21:46

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 21:40

Your house, your rules your kids.
My religious parents have once or twice done a quick prayer when they are hosting, but tbh I think they've stopped because they probably feel awkward with us sitting there awkwardly. Both atheists.

They wouldn't dream of making me pray in my own house. We'll get god bless you, I'm praying for you messages, which, at some times seem annoyingly and downright insensitive we mostly just accept that's what they want to hear and part of their language. The odd religious book given at Christian festivals gets a polite thank you at the time and an eye roll or a giggle after they've gone. Unsurprisingly, children show zero interest in the books other than when they were very young and mostly wanted to eat them.

I haven't read the whole thread and I'm sure from your replies it's come up, but this is a husband problem, an in-laws boundaries problem and a values clash. It's not you.

I’m actually not sure if DH’s family have done anything wrong. It seems as though they asked DH if they could say a prayer, got the all clear, and and were happy enough to do so without OP in the room.

Its DH that’s the problem, here, by trying to coerce participation.

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 21:52

Hmmm, I think it's a bit rude imposing your religion on a non religious house.
Put it this way, if op were humanist. Would it still be ok?
How about if she were Muslim?
How about if she had been Christian but left the church for a very good reason?
What if the in-laws were wiccan? Still ok? Or is it only Christianity that gets the pass?

Original poster
Fretfulmum · 26/12/2023 21:56

@SoreAndTired1 weve been hosting all day again today for friends so not had a chance to say much to each other but being civil in front of others. No idea what’s in store for me tonight yet!

OP posts:
1dayatatime · 26/12/2023 22:04

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 19:58

Good luck getting the Christmas genie back in the bottle!

Quite!

The puritans tried to cancel Christmas- not sure it went very well!

I agree i can't see it ever happening.

But my logic is given that the majority of people in the UK don't identify as Christian then other than some bank holidays and an opportunity to get pissed, stuff your face and buy / give presents- what is the actual point of Christmas.

As an interim step it could be renamed say as "year end holiday" which would have the added benefit of being more inclusive to all religions and those that are not religious (I don't think winter festival would work for the southern hemisphere!) .

Then after a while and a further decline in the number of people identifying as Christian, the question then arises of what's the point of it or at least shift the one or two bank holidays to say the 30th & 31st Dec.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 22:11

what is the actual point of Christmas.

To spend time with family, to come together and celebrate the end of the year and impending spring, and rest at a dark and miserable time of year, to take some much needed time to rest and recuperate from a busy year, to slow down and take stock. To spend time doing things you wouldn't otherwise do.

That works for me and not a manger in sight!

1dayatatime · 26/12/2023 22:12

@LittleRedSnidyHood

"Hmmm, I think it's a bit rude imposing your religion on a non religious house."

+++

I completely agree but I would go further and question why is the religious Christian festival of Christmas being imposed on a country where the majority are not Christian.

And if for the majority it is just about time off work, booze, eating and presents then let's at least be honest about it and rename it

SpecialCharacters · 26/12/2023 22:13

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 21:52

Hmmm, I think it's a bit rude imposing your religion on a non religious house.
Put it this way, if op were humanist. Would it still be ok?
How about if she were Muslim?
How about if she had been Christian but left the church for a very good reason?
What if the in-laws were wiccan? Still ok? Or is it only Christianity that gets the pass?

No, it isn’t only Christianity that gets a pass. If you invite guests (who you know to be very religious) to observe a religious holiday in your home, I do not think it rude for the guests to ask if it’s okay for them to engage in an act of worship.

(Incidentally, I think it’s clear that the OP does ‘belong’ to a non-Christian faith and, while not a ‘believer’ anymore, values the cultural aspect).

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:16

Christmas is not a religious holiday. It's a pagan holiday that Christians stole and is now largely secular.

I'd be happy to rename btw, Midwinter Festival would be fine but I think it's a bit dull. Get shitfacedandovereatmas is too much.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 22:21

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:16

Christmas is not a religious holiday. It's a pagan holiday that Christians stole and is now largely secular.

I'd be happy to rename btw, Midwinter Festival would be fine but I think it's a bit dull. Get shitfacedandovereatmas is too much.

😂😂😂

Tacotortoise · 26/12/2023 22:23

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:16

Christmas is not a religious holiday. It's a pagan holiday that Christians stole and is now largely secular.

I'd be happy to rename btw, Midwinter Festival would be fine but I think it's a bit dull. Get shitfacedandovereatmas is too much.

Bollocks.

Christmas is a Christian festival (so religious) which was superimposed onto a variety of pagan festivals - Saturnalia, Yuletide etc - which were based around the winter solstice. These were also religious festivals, just ones that prayed to older gods.

SpecialCharacters · 26/12/2023 22:23

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:16

Christmas is not a religious holiday. It's a pagan holiday that Christians stole and is now largely secular.

I'd be happy to rename btw, Midwinter Festival would be fine but I think it's a bit dull. Get shitfacedandovereatmas is too much.

I’m well aware of the origins and the widespread secular practices (not least as a pagan-turned-atheist myself).

But it’s churlish in the extreme to suggest that there is no Christian element to Christmas. If you invite a devout Christian family to your home, on Christmas, I think you have to reasonably expect that they may want to engage in an act of worship at some point.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 22:28

Really 25th December should be called Mithras after the birth of the Persian Sun god, Mithra.

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:28

Excellent excuse not to invite devout Christians to celebrations.
And you'd of course say a mum was ok to say no to grandparents visiting at Christmas because of that then?

SpecialCharacters · 26/12/2023 22:30

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:28

Excellent excuse not to invite devout Christians to celebrations.
And you'd of course say a mum was ok to say no to grandparents visiting at Christmas because of that then?

Yes.

Toddlerteaplease · 26/12/2023 22:30

Err, it's CHRISTmas.

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:30

I'd be interested in that aibu and also the 'does your Christmas involve Christianity'.
I guaranteed the majority of people don't give a fig about Jesus on Christmas.

MrDirtyBear · 26/12/2023 22:33

| Err, it's CHRISTmas

Always look on the bright side of life.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 22:34

Toddlerteaplease · 26/12/2023 22:30

Err, it's CHRISTmas.

He's not the messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

SpecialCharacters · 26/12/2023 22:37

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:30

I'd be interested in that aibu and also the 'does your Christmas involve Christianity'.
I guaranteed the majority of people don't give a fig about Jesus on Christmas.

I don’t think that would be a very interesting AIBU. I don’t think it’s news to anyone that most British peoples’ Christmas celebrations are broadly or entirely secular, it’s been well covered already in the thread.

Girahim · 26/12/2023 22:40

Toddlerteaplease · 26/12/2023 22:30

Err, it's CHRISTmas.

Thank you so much, no one has pointed that out yet.

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:41

But we can segregate pesky in-laws with the excuse of they are Christian and it's acceptable to not see them at religious festivals as a result.

I don't think that's a very popular view (although I'm tempted by the premise as it would cut down on having to visit with religious bores on a good pretence)

Prometheus · 26/12/2023 22:48

What would happen if you told DH that you’ve converted to Islam and want to do prayers for your religion with him and his family next time they come for dinner?

SpecialCharacters · 26/12/2023 22:55

LittleRedSnidyHood · 26/12/2023 22:41

But we can segregate pesky in-laws with the excuse of they are Christian and it's acceptable to not see them at religious festivals as a result.

I don't think that's a very popular view (although I'm tempted by the premise as it would cut down on having to visit with religious bores on a good pretence)

I think that, if you’re very intolerant of a particular faith, then it’s stupid to invite members of that faith into your home on a day of great religious significance.

Not that this applies to the OP, to be clear.

Greenpolkadot · 26/12/2023 22:57

YNBU.
They sound quite bullying in their mission to get you to take part and be more religious.
That would put me right off. No way would I accept anyone shoving religion down my throat.
And what's with all this chanting ?
I would walk out too

BitOutOfPractice · 26/12/2023 23:01

Yanbu op. I would not want to have anything to do with prayers in my house and would not stay in the room.