Mum wouldn't let my newborn put on Christmas outfit

[sleepsuitbag]

I'm got my mum helping with the newborn and u bought a Christmas outfit. I wanted to put him in it last night for cuddles etc. she said no. At 11.30 today (going to relatives m for 2pm) I suggested again - again no.

AIBU in thinking I can dress my child in whatever I want, whatever I want and she needs to back down. She said he might dirty it - well stop changing nappy straight away as baby isn't finish pooing.

Because I'm not rude and state "change my baby". It was polite conversation,

OP Christmas outfit aside - do NOT permit this. You are the baby’s mother, YOU decide who holds them and when, you do not let yourself be dismissed, you hold on to the baby, do not hand them to anyone else if you don’t want to, and if someone else has the baby you hold out your hands and say “give him to me please” until they do.

@queenmeadhbh sounds great but at the moment I'm spending 90% of my time in my room crying and alone, or thinking the baby would be better or adopted, or worrying how I'll cope with life.... so I don't want to annoy those around me.

Something is very wrong here if you think it is rude to change your own child. You didn’t need your mum to do it. You could have done it once she was finished whatever she was doing with the baby. You could have done it at any point last night or at any point this morning for your Christmas Day. Literally, it is the least rude thing. To change your own child into an outfit you bought? That isn’t rude. You just don’t sound like s grown adult.

I hope you are getting help for PND, and feel better soon ❤️. I still think you can try to take control - dress your baby however you like, and if you want to hold your baby, go and take your baby. You are good enough for your baby as you are EVERYTHING for your baby just by holding him.

I was worried baby wouldn't remember I'm the primary care giver because he's being passed around like a hot potato and I rarely hold him..

I promise you op that he will not give one shiny shit what he was wearing when he was one.

You have a life ahead of you that will naturally involve other people. You really need to understand that your bond with your son is a thing that grows and you evolves based on your interaction, not the clothes you put him in.

Am I not the one who decides how best a bond is formed?

I shouldn't have to explain to myself but I wanted pictures of him and cuddles of him in his outfit for me to look at and for memories.

@Itslegitimatesalvage if you are going to start throwing insults at me perhaps you should watch how you interact with people as you sound displeasent.

Sounds like a load of grumpy old harridans didn’t get what they wanted for Christmas and are taking it out on OP. As for asking if she’s young…patronising much?!

Oh OP, you poor thing - I don’t think your mum’s practical help is actually helping your PND at all.

I said earlier that, like others have said, you shouldn’t ask her permission and should laugh at her request but on reflection I think actually - and I speak from personal experience - some people don’t understand the power of an overbearing mother. when someone spends their life treating you like your particularly stupid minion, from childhood upwards, and they are SO CONFIDENT in what they say - it’s really hard to actually grow balls and say “sorry mother no you have no say”. Especially when that mother is helping you

I think it's wise you don't come back to the thread to be honest OP. It's clearly not doing you any good. You don't need to have such a bad attitude with posters offering advice. I hope you've got some professional support for your PPD.

Again, Op you seem only want to engage people where you think you can take offence and argue.

I am going to guess your mum didn’t put the outfit on because for a legitimate reason. Maybe because she thinks you treat the child like a doll. You aren’t doing the parenting, 90% of the time but want to dress the child up for photos and photos of you with the child. That soon after, you aren’t looking after. Like you only get involved when there’s a photo opportunity.

You don’t bond with a child by looking at their photo. That’s not an opinion. It’s just how it is.

I am not even judging you. I think that your mental health is really struggling and you aren’t looking at situations, clearly. It’s incredibly difficult for you. But, I suspect, very difficult for your mum. And she seems to be trying to do her best. And you arelooking at where you can take offence or be hurt by something.

I am going to guess your mum didn’t put the outfit on because for a legitimate reason. Maybe because she thinks you treat the child like a doll.

If that’s the case she needs to back off - her opinion is irrelevant. Her daughter can raise her child whatever way she likes and as long as the baby isn’t in danger it’s absolutely no one’s business but the OP’s

You aren’t doing the parenting

WOW.

Fucking wow.

@Lifeasiknowitisout does it make you feel good to come onto a thread on Christmas Day and telling a mother suffering from acute PND that she isn’t doing parenting? What do you actually GET out of saying things like that? Have you not had a good day? Did Santa not bring you what you wanted?

Are you the poster who recently asked about residential help where you could take baby with you? If so, the back story and the level of your problems are being underestimated here.

whether you are that poster or not (that posters parents were pretty OTT in my opinion) you need to calmly and politely let your mum know that you are the parent. For example, not ‘shall we’ but ‘I’ll take him mum, thanks. I’m going to change his clothes now and take some photos. Aren’t memories lovely!’ You’re asking her opinion/involving her in your example and (in this case) her input is unnecessary. There’s absolutely no rudeness in taking your own child for a few minutes and changing his clothes for some photos.

I wish you all a very happy Christmas and hope your PPD resolves soon (I’ve been there, it’s hell x) 🎄😀🎄

Jesus wept.

Calm yourself down. It’s a fact. The Op can’t do the parenting at the moment. It’s not a judgement it’s a fact. That fact has led them to where they are. At no point did I say it’s the ops fault. It’s obviously not. But it’s why they are where they are.

Are you child? Because you are acting like an over tired child.

Have you missed that the OP's mum is there supporting her to care for the baby because OP is mentally unwell? None of us know the full story and it's risky to be all gung-ho encouraging the OP to assert herself where the grandparents might be the one factor preventing the baby going into care for example. We have no idea.

No. I didn’t miss it. Did you miss the bit where she spends 90% of her time in her room?

Can you read? Because I clearly said it’s not the Ops fault but it doesn’t change the situation.

Exactly, we don’t know the ins and outs. That includes you, oddly.

You do you.

I wanted my baby to wear the cute outfit I bought for him, for our first Christmas. And I do mindfulness how I want.

What an odd response to a reply on the thread though.

Obviously none of us know just how ill you are, and if your Mum has had to come and support you and take over much of the baby's care, or if she is being a bit overbearing.

Either way AIBU is not the place to post for support.

@Asparagus1 - it is hardly patronising. It is (was) a fair assumption from the lack of information the OP has given. That is definitely the way the OP comes over in her posts. You insulting every other poster on this thread doesn't really cover you in glory, in truth.

What a disgusting thing to say to a new mother. How dare you? And why so many assumptions

OP I too went through PPD and had a dominant mother. Just try to put boundaries in place and do what you want with your own baby. Please please ignore the bullies on here. They've clearly just had a crap Christmas and are taking it out on you or trying to. You're fragile emotionally right now but I promise it improves over time especially so with the right mindset. It does sound like you'd do better without your Mum there.

OP if you are reading this - is there someone other than your mum who can help you? It sounds like she isn’t the right person to help you recover.

Tell her to butt the hell out as it is your baby and not hers. Put on the little outfit and tell her to just STOP NOW as she is being controlling. She sounds so interfering and how do you put up with it.
Do what you want in your own house and with your own baby.

Huh?

I think you may have misread my post.