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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum wouldn't let my newborn put on Christmas outfit

181 replies

sleepsuitbag · 25/12/2023 12:34

I'm got my mum helping with the newborn and u bought a Christmas outfit. I wanted to put him in it last night for cuddles etc. she said no. At 11.30 today (going to relatives m for 2pm) I suggested again - again no.

AIBU in thinking I can dress my child in whatever I want, whatever I want and she needs to back down. She said he might dirty it - well stop changing nappy straight away as baby isn't finish pooing.

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 25/12/2023 13:31

How is this even a question?
You are the mother, time to grow up and be a Mum-tell her you will dress your baby as you see fit and it's got fuck all to do with her.

givemethetea · 25/12/2023 13:33

Why are you even asking and suggesting? It's your baby

twoyearstogountilthebig50 · 25/12/2023 13:36

I hope your mum isn't completely taking over.

I was a young mum myself, and my mum tried to dominate everything, to the point I started to feel really low in myself and even doubt my own ability (she didn't live with me, but was round every day).
I was lucky that the Health Visitor intervened and told her to back off, reassuring me I was doing fine.

You need to be firm with her if this is the case (obviously I don't know your situation, just reading between the lines based on the limited information), and tell her that this is your baby and you make the decisions.

Stayupallnight · 25/12/2023 13:47

I feel for you OP. All other posters saying why are you allowing this etc. if you haven’t had a controlling mother you can’t really imagine how hard it is to have every decision ridiculed or overruled, if you are a single mum or a FTM, the threat of being left to struggle alone if you don’t do as your told and toe the line is terrifying, especially as your confidence will be zero due to the years of control and subtle bullying from a controlling parent.

to OP, it’s your baby, dress them in whatever you want, I’m sure they’ll look adorable.

TortoisePlayingMinecraft · 25/12/2023 13:49

You don't need your mum's permission to dress your baby. You don't even need to ask, discuss or announce it to her. If she objects to whatever you are doing, use some assertive language: "I have decided to get the baby changed now".

MiniCooperLover · 25/12/2023 13:49

Stop asking your mums permission/ your child, you dress it

RatatouillePie · 25/12/2023 13:55

You're an adult. You don't even need to ask permission.

AnOldCynic · 25/12/2023 13:56

@sleepsuitbag your mum wants your baby to look pristine in their Christmas outfit so she gets to show him off at your relatives.

Not on, realise you'll be heading out now but please, next time, put her in her place.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 25/12/2023 13:56

Regardless of if you are a teen mum or not, you need to put some boundaries in with your mum (unless she has been given legal responsibility). As baby grows it will be very unsetting for them (and you) if grandma keeps undermining mum.

ConnieCroydon · 25/12/2023 14:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

SmileyClare · 25/12/2023 14:34

Your mum is probably well intentioned- just a bit swept up in being a grandma - totally in love with the new baby and a bit stuck in the parent/ child dynamic with you.

Theres some middle ground between telling her to fuck off or going along with her “rules”

If you want her to treat you as an adult capable of making your own parenting decisions then be adult about this.

Have a conversation about how you’d like your choices with the baby respected.
You can also thank her for all the help and support she’s providing.

Id pick my battles though if she’s only staying for a couple of days.

I can’t help thinking of the Royle family episode where Denise wants to dress new baby David in a shirt and a tiny leather jacket and jeans for Christmas and her mum Barb says Erm…that’s lovely Denise.
😂

fedupwithbeinghot · 25/12/2023 14:43

Who is the mother? If you, then you decide. Why are you even running it past her?

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 25/12/2023 14:50

Why are you asking her? Just dress your baby in it!

tiggergoesbounce · 25/12/2023 14:53

Your baby, your choice. Despite peoples opinions on dressing your babies up, its your child and will do it no harm at all.
You need to start doing this now before it becomes a habit of her opinion tops yours.

TinselTitts · 25/12/2023 14:53

I can't believe this thread has been started by a grown woman.

Do what you want with your own child.

minipie · 25/12/2023 14:53

Your choice on outfit

But you do need to change a baby straight away after a poo or they get sore. Even if they’re likely to poo again 5 minutes later.

momonpurpose · 25/12/2023 14:55

BuffaloCauliflower · 25/12/2023 12:36

I don’t know why she has anything to do with this? You take your baby and dress them however you want.

You're unreasonable to allow her to tell you no

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 25/12/2023 15:01

Unless the outfit in question is a cloth-of gold, diamond-encrusted ensemble which your mum bought for a specific event such as the baby's christening, it's not her call.

Damnloginpopup · 25/12/2023 15:01

Depends really. Is it a Christmas fucking pudding outfit?

Original poster
sleepsuitbag · 25/12/2023 15:07

SmileyClare · 25/12/2023 13:30

What’s the outfit?

A gold lame suit with a giant star head piece then I can understand your mum trying to delay it.

I wanted to put him in it last night for cuddles Your choice but this is an oddly childish statement. You’d have to undress him again to put him down for the night so seems like an unnecessary palaver.

It sounds as though your mum is doing all childcare if you don’t have a moment alone with your baby to dress him yourself.

Childish?

No it's our first Christmas and I wanted to dress him in his outfit, have cuddles, relax, enjoy 1on1 before today....

Childish I guess to be mindful and present with child?

OP posts:
CormorantStrikesBack · 25/12/2023 15:08

The baby isn’t going to fit in it next year. Tomorrow is past Xmas. Ask her when she envisages the baby wearing it?

Roselilly36 · 25/12/2023 15:13

Christmas outfits on babies are sooo cute, I can remember going to a restaurant for a family dinner with DS1 in his Santa outfit, a grandma on another table with her family, even took a photo of him! It’s your baby dress your baby how you want.

DidiAskYouThough · 25/12/2023 15:14

Did you find the thread helpful? Of course you can dress your kid however you want Confused

Hakunatomato · 25/12/2023 15:18

in the time it took you to post on here you can pick your baby up, take them in to another room and change the outfit. You just have to say to her - No.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 25/12/2023 15:31

What's the point of a Christmas outfit if it's not worn at Christmas?

And if it gets dirty cannot it be washed?