Mum wouldn't let my newborn put on Christmas outfit

[sleepsuitbag]

I'm got my mum helping with the newborn and u bought a Christmas outfit. I wanted to put him in it last night for cuddles etc. she said no. At 11.30 today (going to relatives m for 2pm) I suggested again - again no.

AIBU in thinking I can dress my child in whatever I want, whatever I want and she needs to back down. She said he might dirty it - well stop changing nappy straight away as baby isn't finish pooing.

Can I assume that it’s your mum who is raising him?

Have you given him up legally or what?

There is obviously a back story here and it sounds like you’ve given your mum parental responsibility, especially when you say it’s her changing the nappy, not letting you change the outfit and you wanted 1-1 cuddles with him.

There’s no judgement but it’s easier to give advice when we know the bigger picture.

Why are you asking your mum for permission?

Do you normally do this or is it just because it's Christmas?

I think we're all waiting to hear the answer to this.

I'm not dressing up my child like a dog. It's a festive outfit what I want for memories and to celebrate our first Christmas.

Mums helping out as I have PPD. She's doing a lot which has benefits and negatives. So I'm just picking my battles.

Put it on its your child, your choice

"Again, no"

And immediately, yes. Yes I am putting the cute outfit on right away.

Picking your battles means being ok with the things you choose to not challenge.
You're not ok with this so maybe it's a battle you need to pick?

Tell her that you appreciate her help but you will decide what your child is going to wear.

And just put the outfit in your baby. You don't need her permission. Take your child and the outfit and just do it.

In that case, you don’t need to even ask her.

Just pick your baby up and change your baby’s outfit.

Where is the father?

Eh? She’s helping you and that’s great, but it doesn’t mean you have to give in to her on everything to repay her. Dress your baby in any outfit you like (within reason, before someone says anything).

I hope you feel better soon xx

Why are you asking her permission? Just put your baby in whatever you want to dress them in. If mum objects just ignore her. How weird

Dressing a child is considered customary and does not make them a doll.

If we weren't dressing them partly for our own benefit, they could wear brown or beige utility suits at all times, no harm done. Did your kids do that? Why not?

You are the mum. You decide.

Childish I guess to be mindful and present with child?

Well, you can have cuddles and 'be present' whatever the baby is wearing.

However, I agree with other posters who have asked what the context is and who is actually looking after your baby. That does make a difference, and I think if you want lovely family photos with baby in a special outfit, then, knowing babies, I agree with the others who say not putting the baby in the outfit until that time, makes sense.

You need to take control. Letting your mum be the one in charge is not going to be helping you.

just do it next time.

I'm sorry you feel disempowered to make decisions about your own baby. Nip upstairs now with him and put the cute outfit on him, so you can take some lovely first Christmas photos. If he poos in it, it's not the end of the world - he won't be wearing it again after today, will he?

Near time don’t ask her, don’t open up for opinions just do it. Is your mum a ‘difficult’ character? Do you live with your parents and feel obligated to listen to their opinions? This is your baby, ignore your mum and do what you want.

I’m sorry that you’re struggling with post natal depression.

I wouldn’t advise starting threads on AIBU - you’re too fragile x

Talk to your mum and try to tell her how you feel undermined and what she can do to help you parent (eg allow you to have 1 to 1 time, respect your decisions or only give advice if you’ve asked her).

Im sure your mum’s not being deliberately controlling- she’s probably worried about you and thinking she’s helping by “taking over”.

What other support are you getting for your PPD?

It seems you mum has stepped more into a mum role, rather than a grandma role. It’s understandable how that happens. But maybe you need to seek some support on how to start balancing that and taking over more.

Is there professionals helping that could support you in that when you are ready?

So your mum regularly undermines you and you have PPD...

Your mum is PART OF THE PROBLEM not the solution here.

You shouldn't be 'just picking my battles' if she is supporting you. You would only be doing this if she is effectively controlling you and making you feel as if you can not cope.

You NEED to start saying 'No this is what I am doing, this isn't your choice to make' because this is about your confidence and own self belief and worth.

You DO NOT NEED your mums permission to do anything and its very telling you feel like this.

I'd go so far as to question if there is emotional abuse going on here from your mother. You language and your comments indicate that your relationship with your mother is NOT a healthy one even if its not emotional abuse.

You've got a christmas outfit. IF your baby doesn't wear it today, what are you going to do with it? Use if for cleaning the toilet. What does it matter if they poo in it. Its supposed to be used!

Just pick your child up and change him/her. Why you asking for input?

Why has your mum got any say in anything your baby wears?