Unequal grandparent gifts

[JustAMinutePleass]

I have an only child. My siblings have 2-3 kids a piece. Just found out my parents set a £30 budget for my child’s present and bought £300 pianos as a ‘shared gift’ for each set of gc for each sibling. I asked why my son didn’t also get a piano (or even a larger budget equal to a proportion of the others) when he’s the only one of their 6 gc actually learning the piano and was told I was ungrateful.

I’m so, so pissed off. Bear in mind I’m hosting christmas as I’ve done for years. Aibu to kick them all out and call it a day?

Yes of course. Just giving your opinion. Can’t help having little dogs though can you. You really don’t like people not agreeing with your opinion on this.

I didn’t lecture I made a comment that op could view this a different way. That comment was Made in response to another one of her posts. We don’t all have to respond to the Op only. We can comment on the later posts as well? You think people have to ignore anything other than what was in the Op?

Odd that you think anyone looking at gifts and deciding the only aspect that matters is the financial outlay, is a moral issue. I have spent different amounts on my children before, I have this year as one is an adult. I don’t see it as morally superior. It just is what it is. It’s not hundreds of pounds different either. It’s between £70 and £120 pound different, per child. In this instance and it won’t be immediately obvious to to the ds.

If you are taking this as personal judgement of yourself, I can’t help you with that. I have a different point of view. That actually, the gift to the Ops child was the better gift and (possibly) more thoughtful.

Op doesn’t have to continue to host or take it that way. Doesn’t stop it being the way I view it. I would be immensely pissed off of my Dad bought my kids a piano, I didn’t want or ask for. And would prefer a smaller gift my kids actually liked/wanted.

If the Ops ds had been given one toy and the others 5 toys, I would be more inclined to agree with the op that’s it’s shitty because that would be obvious to the child.

i really agree with this.

The not contributing to being hosted year after year would piss me off more.

and yes the piano is a really shit gift.

But as in this instance, she thinks her child doesn’t feel as cared for as the grandparent was willing to buy a piano for one family but not the other. The grandparent could buy a bigger gift as there was a bigger budget due to more children.

there is no right way btw. I think it does depend on the amount of families/ cousins.

It’s very simple after Christmas you just say to your parents that whilst you have to accept inequality with your siblings now you are not prepared to accept the same for your child, so they need to spend the same amount on each grandchild for Christmas and birthday

any by the way we will only be doing Christmas for the three of us next year so one of your siblings needs to take it onfor the rest of the family, or all do their own thing

Really surprised by the people who don't get why the inequality like this is bad and who've tried to explain or justify it away or tell the OP to "reframe her thinking". But obviously there are people out there who think it's okay to treat 5 children equally and 1 less so.

There will always be people who don't get it and are lucky enough to not understand how you feel. But you've had a lot of support here. I hope you had a decent day

My son doesn’t have access to a piano of his own yet. He uses the one at my neighbour’s 2 x a week in addition to lessons because I wasn’t sure what to get. Had I known a piano was on the table for gifts I would have done my fucking research from Sept like my siblings did. The kids got a piano per each sibling + individual gifts. My son got a single toy worth £30 and even that was given begrudingly.

Anyway I raised this in front of everyone. Said it was awful how mum keeps trying to make a point about my infertility (DS is an only for me because of years of fertility problems) and said spending £30 on him when his cousins have had hundreds spent on them & the fucking samosas I made (200 handmade) this morning at breakfast cost me £100 to make is an insult.

Mum called me ungrateful, Dad said I was embarrassing him, so I did tell them to leave and asked them to take DS’ gift with them. Siblings were on my side and stuck around for the evening.

Some people just like to post being awkward, usually idiots who if it happened to them would be up in arms.

Normal, rational people see how important equality is.

Yeah I would be annoyed too but I would do the dutiful thing and keep it to myself. Sorry OP but stamping your feet and saying “I want a piano” is giving Verruca Salt vibes and is completely unreasonable behaviour

Oh come on Verruca - that’s ridiculous. Your nieces and nephews should lose out because you CHOOSE to host? Stop hosting if it bothers you.

Also - how on Earth are you spending £500?! That’s £34 a head including for children

Just read all the OP’s posts

200 SAMOSAS

Thats 13 per person!

Why have you made so many?!

Also telling them to leave and take the present they got for your DS with you - awful and embarrassing behaviour

Gujarati samosas are smaller and a bitch to make (home made filo pastry etc) - I portion 10 per person + extras to eat across the day.

Yes, nobody asked for a piano.

But you said none of them wanted a piano.

The words "ask" and "want" are not the same thing.

You were so sure of yourself in your posts - I can't help wondering if you often misunderstand things.

@JustAMinutePleass
How do you know what their budget is.
Anyway well done op for sticking to your line crossed boundary.
It's not on to treat grandchildren differently at all.
Re piano, there are brilliant weighted key boards out there with volume control and headphones and tons of other functions. Professional musicians use them and they are far more versitile than normal pianos.

Live this 👏

Yes she did

Sorry OP, your update changes my vote. This really isn't about your fertility. Please say your tantrum was away from the children. Do you often have tantrums like this on special occasions? Christmas day? You've blown this way out of proportion.

I wonder how old your nephews and nieces are. I think the biggest mistake you’re making is that you’re placing monetary values on gifts. You’re clearly forgetting what Christmas is all about.
I bet your piano-playing 4 year old was really happy you took his present off him and threw his grandparents out with it. And who on earth spends £500 on cooking for a few people?

I don't blame you OP. And it takes a lot to stand up to people in this scenario. The fact your siblings stayed says a lot too.

Who on earth buys a piano for someone who hasn't asked for one. Imagine having to unwrap that and finding somewhere in the house for it!

1. Samosas freeze nicely so as they're so fiddly to make, then once you're making them it makes sense to make loads.

1. If your child was treated differently to other grandchildren I'd sincerely hope you'd stand up for your own child! @JustAMinutePleass was correct to stand up for their child. Buying a piano for all the grandchildren except the one that actually plays?!? That's so rude!

Why do you think that this is about your infertility?

Has your Mum said as much?

If so it would be hard to understand why you see them at all let alone host them at Christmas!

Has she always treated you badly & it's now being transferred to your son as well?

Well no I wouldn’t do it when hosting on Christmas Day in front of all my family including the children (it’s not their fault they’re favourites). There’s a time and a place to stick up for your child and I don’t tend to ruin other people’s Christmases.

I also think it’s fine to spend more money on older GC but that’s just me!

TBH - I think I'd sooner buy my child a piano than spent FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS hosting an ungrateful family.

Oh OP, sounds like you’ve had a ‘mare!
hope you’re feeling okay this morning. I agree with the inequality re: grandchildren but you need to separate this from the hosting cost/ effort and your fertility issues . They are different thing, but I understand they all make you feel crappy. Take a few days away from them then perhaps sit down and write down how the hosting and gift inequality has made you feel. Ask them why they thought the gifts were okay and if they think the hosting is split fairly and look for ways for more equality in your family going forward. Hope you have a relaxing boxing bay x

So glad you spoke up!