Unequal grandparent gifts

[JustAMinutePleass]

I have an only child. My siblings have 2-3 kids a piece. Just found out my parents set a £30 budget for my child’s present and bought £300 pianos as a ‘shared gift’ for each set of gc for each sibling. I asked why my son didn’t also get a piano (or even a larger budget equal to a proportion of the others) when he’s the only one of their 6 gc actually learning the piano and was told I was ungrateful.

I’m so, so pissed off. Bear in mind I’m hosting christmas as I’ve done for years. Aibu to kick them all out and call it a day?

Sorry@Goinoutalone Seen your update

Yeah they wouldn’t be coming back next year. Favouritism sucks and is damaging, especially when it’s rubbed in.

My grandparents used to gift my cousins all sorts of lovely things. One year they got new bikes. My siblings and I got old umbrellas. Another year they got told they were going to Spain. We got half eaten boxes of chocolates.

That was the last time we spent Xmas with my grandparents.

To say there’ll be a back story is an understatement

your son is 3 OP according to another thread

So nobody wanted a piano.

Pianos are really crap gifts if you don’t want one. Focus less on the cost. And more on the actual gift.

Was your son’s gift something he wanted?

I do disagree that your child should get more because you are hosting. If you don’t want to host, don’t. If you can’t afford it. Don’t do it. I wouldn’t. But that doesn’t mean your kids should get bigger presents.

Assuming there’s a back story of similar behaviour here, you should have, already, stopped hosting.

If there’s no back story and you usually all get one, you might need to have think about it more there will be a reason

It is hurtful op. Mine get nothing. Doesnt matter their ages. Its not nice.

Yabvu. Your child should not get more. They should get a present in equal value to their cousins from their grandparents. Yanbu to expect equal but what they have done is given less and then been a**holes about it. After Christmas tell them again how you feel and tell them you won’t be hosting next year.

I don’t think hosting means your kids should get more. But it should be equal and from what you’ve said it’s very unequal.

Assume she means more than £30 and not more than the cousins.

I think OP meant more than he got, rather than more than his cousins, who seen to have had an awful lot more spent on them than he has.
It would be the last time I hosted OP, I have no idea why grandparents would spend £100+ on 5 grandchildren and £30 on the other unless a newborn tbh.

Accordjng to another post, your son is almost 4 so I don’t see how he’ll enjoy a piano for a birthday present, even if he’s learning as you say, I don’t know how much benefit he’ll get from a piano at this age. If they bought him a present he’ll enjoy now then he’ll be happy. It’s not about the cost. When he’s older, they may also decide to buy him a piano like the other ones.
Also, if this unequal gifting is a theme then stop hosting them, spend the money on your family instead.

Same situation here. You get hardened to it but still see the inequity of it.

I would have been happy if he just got equal to the other kids on a per gc basis. But he got so much less.

Why?

OP obviously meant her child should have got more than the £30 not more than their cousins. People are so obtuse sometimes.

OP on the news all week there has been mention of hosts charging for Christmas lunch. I would ask people you are hosting for their £££ contribution to the £500. 😉

you’re right of course. He’s only 4 so he doesn’t realise. DH thinks I should just grin and bear it and say no to hosting next year when my mum tries to guilt trip me into it. But I grew up being the scapegoat. It hurts that they’re repeating the cycle with my son.

Backstory? History of a favourite/less favourable child between you and your siblings? Is there a recent fall out?

Not that it matters. Not okay to be so imbalanced with DC. Especially when you are providing their magical day.

Huge sympathy. Get through the day, laugh at what arses they are and don't have them next year. Or give them less for Christmas Dinner. Like 1/10 less than everyone else. If you're feeling petty 😂

It's shitty of them, but it isn't worth ruining Christmas over, it's one of those things you have to rise above. That is how you neutralise this sort of shitty behaviour, if you swallow it you let it poison you. You can break this cycle, by not giving their gestures meaning through your choice of how to react.

I'd stop hosting and save the money for your child.

You can't force them to be fair grandparents, unfortunately, but I'd be furious and consider limiting interaction with them. It's not about the money; it's about the emotional damage they inflict when they don't even try to treat the grandchildren equally.

Only if you think gift value is only measured in money.

I would much prefer my kids to get £30 gift that they really like/wanted, than a £100 portion of piano no one wanted or asked for.

OP says her child is learning piano and the only one to do so. I'd say it would have been wanted!

I agree.

Not necessarily a piano, which the might neither want nor have room for, but a gift of equal value, or money to the value for the child's savings account.

I would be very hurt by this and would feel my child wasn't as valued as the others.

As this is part of a long-running issue, scapegoating you, you need to step back. A therapist would probably be helpful. You need to learn to assert yourself around them because this isn’t ok. It isn’t ok that your siblings aren’t protesting the unfairness either.

This - especially when I now know that OP's child is learning the piano.

Might be a reason. Are you richer than they are.

She said no one wanted a piano