Unequal grandparent gifts

[JustAMinutePleass]

I have an only child. My siblings have 2-3 kids a piece. Just found out my parents set a £30 budget for my child’s present and bought £300 pianos as a ‘shared gift’ for each set of gc for each sibling. I asked why my son didn’t also get a piano (or even a larger budget equal to a proportion of the others) when he’s the only one of their 6 gc actually learning the piano and was told I was ungrateful.

I’m so, so pissed off. Bear in mind I’m hosting christmas as I’ve done for years. Aibu to kick them all out and call it a day?

Your child should not get more just because you are hosting. If you don’t want to host don’t host. I do find it strange that 1 child gets less than others I always spend the same amount on each child. Did your child like the gift he was given for Christmas? If yes there is no issue young children don’t care about the monetary value of gifts

but then you waffle on about

No grandchild should get less because of how many cousins that they have, it is so unfair.

someone has been enjoying the buck’s fizz a bit too much today i suspect

If you were brought up as the black sheep then why on earth would you host everyone at Christmas and assume that your son wouldn’t be treated poorly too? I’m not saying it’s fair but very predictable that their treatment of you would become their treatment of your son.

Definitely don’t host any more. If your mum makes you feel guilty tell her to 🖕🏼 It’s good that your son is unaware of the cost because he’s 4 but he will know one day

No I should say I practise what I preach on this as my sibling only has 1 child and I insist my parents spend the same In total on their one child as they do on my 2 together even if the extra goes into savings . My parents love both me and my sibling equally

I do agree that it doesn't have to always be the same monetary value if it is a gift that is wanted.

But a piano to share with siblings vs what?

If the pianos aren't wanted then what a waste!

Are they more for the parents?

but do you understand that

No grandchild should get less because of how many cousins that they have, it is so unfair.

completely contradicts your stance?

It is baffling you can’t grasp the contradiction

If you are noticing this as a pattern of behaviour then I would step back and don’t do so much. Stop hosting, tell your parents you are having a quiet Christmas next year and just pull back a bit. Do it now before your child starts noticing the disparity.

i think you are misunderstanding me. If a grandparent says I have £300 to spend maximum on my grandchildren and they have 3 grandchildren by 3 children, each grandchild gets £100. Should one child have another grandchild, 2 should keep getting £100 and the other 2 get £50 each. It personally don’t think the singular children should now only get £75 each now because of an extra cousin. I don’t think that is fair. No child should get less becuase of how many cousins they have, only how many siblings they have. I appreciate this goes against what most people think but I just think as in the case of the OP her child has missed out on an equal value family gift because the grandparent didn’t think it was fair to gift them a piano as there was only 1 grandchild. I think it just fairer to keep amounts per family.

Do they always get more? My parents sometimes spend more or some kids because they've asked for something more expensive and other years they spend less. So, one year bought a bike and another a £30 ticket. It evens out over time

are both parents bio parents? are your siblings half siblings? I've seen in other families how they don't treat equally to an adult if she/he is from another father/mother.

of course i understand you

my point is that the point you make here is a direct contradiction to your earlier statement

No grandchild should get less because of how many cousins that they have, it is so unfair.

how do you not see the contradiction?!

Stop hosting. So what if they'll sulk about it? You have a child so you already know how to deal with tantrums .

And yanbu to think that your child should be treated equally. I don't know why some posters seem to think you are saying your child should get more than the others get when it is crystal clear you are saying that your child currently gets less than them and you think should get more so that they will be treated equally. Eg They get a tenner, your kid gets a fiver. You're saying your child should get five quid more, making it a tenner like everyone else. It's not hard. 🤷

Sorry editing! My bad phrasing. I meant no child should get less because of having more cousins.

I don't think OP wants anything more then her child to be treated equally and rightfully so

No. Your DC should get the same.

Really unkind behaviour from GPs.

😂 such a typical mumsnet response!!! Awful

i was really starting to wonder what was going on with you!!

@Drfosters I disagree with you about treating grandchildren that way; the spend per family. I’ve a sibling with more children than I’ve got and each of those kids deserves to feel as cared for by granny as mine.

All these children that seem to be so acutely aware of price differentials or is
it just the parents feeling offended on their behalf when they don’t see gifts like they do ie how much rather than how much they enjoy

my fav memories of presents from younger are random stuff that probably the giver thought was a cheap filler kind of thing. The children who reviewed a present despite norm playing probably look at the DS’ £30 toy and wonder what they did to hurt granny and grampa

The kids in my family all want money these days (teens) so it would be clear.

Next year, tell your siblings to host and spend the £500 on a piano for your child. My MiL and FiL wouldn’t dream of being anything other than scrupulously fair between their grandchildren - although admittedly they are both my children 🤣.

Don’t host again

I can’t believe they let you spend 500 on hosting without contributing

you would be mad to host again

in 2 years you’d save a grand

i might be wrong, but a £300 piano is goign to be pretty shit isn’t it? And for a kid that doesn’t play the piano, a pretty shit present?

I agree all the grandchildren should obviously get relatively equal amounts, but since when is it a rule that the host's child should get more?

the fact that the Op even thinks that, let alone states on her thread assuming we’d all agree - speaks volumes to me

Definitely kick them out and don't host next year x