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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unequal grandparent gifts

278 replies

JustAMinutePleass · 25/12/2023 10:51

I have an only child. My siblings have 2-3 kids a piece. Just found out my parents set a £30 budget for my child’s present and bought £300 pianos as a ‘shared gift’ for each set of gc for each sibling. I asked why my son didn’t also get a piano (or even a larger budget equal to a proportion of the others) when he’s the only one of their 6 gc actually learning the piano and was told I was ungrateful.

I’m so, so pissed off. Bear in mind I’m hosting christmas as I’ve done for years. Aibu to kick them all out and call it a day?

OP posts:
Hodge00079 · 25/12/2023 11:49

So there are two pianos that siblings probably don’t want. The one sibling that would appreciate one didn’t get one.

The siblings are probably hacked off they have got to have a piano in their house they don’t want. Maybe wondering why their children couldn’t get ‘normal’ presents.

I may be tempted to serve parents food I knew they didn’t like and if question say they should be grateful. However, this may create an atmosphere and spoil day for kids.

It is not the cousins fault. If you didn’t host it would spoil their day.

With DH next year no to hosting. If mum moans just say you should be grateful I have hosted for x years.

PennywisePoundFoolish · 25/12/2023 11:49

Given the history, it doesn't sound like a coincidence that the cousins were bought something your DS would really love.

I'd make this the last Christmas of hosting as a minimum, and consider rapidly reducing contact with them to protect your son from these dynamics playing out again

MenopauseSucks · 25/12/2023 11:50

I'd be f**ked off as well. They've spent at least £100 per grandchild bar yours😠

As a PP said, it won't be Christmas without a sing-song around the piano but sadly you don't have one so won't be able to host next year 🤷‍♀️

WhamBamThankU · 25/12/2023 11:50

Give them smaller portions of dinner 🤣

Blondebutnotlegally · 25/12/2023 11:51

I think you need to stop looking at it as a "100 per gc" basis. They have been gifted a present for the household dressed up as a christmas present. One that may benefit them in the long run but ultimately has zero gift appeal now.

In fact, I think it would be unfair for your son to unwrap 100£ worth of toys and the other gc to have a joint household gift with no toys in sight. Stop being annoyed on your child's behalf solely out of principle. They don't care

ReindeerShelter · 25/12/2023 11:52

JustAMinutePleass · 25/12/2023 10:57

Yes. I spend £500 hosting 15 people every fucking year. Of course my child should get more

Show quote history

No. Your child does not deserve more just because you’re hosting.

He should be equal to his cousins, though, but at 4 a piano isn’t a great gift.

Tacotortoise · 25/12/2023 11:52

If you were the scapegoat as a child - well, these patterns repeat. Unto the next generation, if you let them.
Don't let them.

SaltySeaCat · 25/12/2023 11:53

If your 4 year old is a child prodigy on the piano, surely you already have a piano?

onceinabluemoon2 · 25/12/2023 11:53

Of course it's ridiculous. Our kids grantparents are sensible and fair and always make sure they spend an equal amount.
However, with the £30 v £300 pianos, and the £500 meal for 15, I am very sorry to ask whether this is a real scenario or one that is made up for clicks?

CocoPlum · 25/12/2023 11:54

You grew up as the scapegoat, it's not surprising I'm afraid. I'm sorry they're not treating your son the same. Let someone else host next year.

However you hosting Christmas does not mean your son should get more! My sibling hosts as they have a fuckton of money and a massive house. There's no way we could host the entire family at mine. I'd be gutted if that also meant our parents spent more on her children than mine (my mum goes to very great pains to make it as equal to the penny as she can!).

Neriah · 25/12/2023 11:54

JustAMinutePleass · 25/12/2023 10:57

Yes. I spend £500 hosting 15 people every fucking year. Of course my child should get more

Show quote history

I was almost dating for it until this one...

Lifeasiknowitisout · 25/12/2023 11:54

Peppermintginger · 25/12/2023 11:43

No she didn't. Read it again

Show quote history

Read her first few replies. Not just her first post.

she posted word for word ‘no one asked for a piano’.

So all the other kids got a portion of a piano that they neither wanted nor asked for. It’s a crap present.

Op also don’t ask for a piano. Back to my original comment. I would rather my child was bought a gift they liked than have a more expensive gift no one wanted or asked for

Ops child got a gift, i assume they liked since op is avoiding answering. The rest of the kids got a portion of something pushed onto them. They got given an obligation. I would rather be in the Ops shoes.

Confused2124 · 25/12/2023 11:54

Yes it sounds unfair - but your DC isn’t aware so don’t let it ruin Christmas. By kicking them out because your son didn’t get equal will make you look like a spoilt brat.
i know it will be hard but suck it, and don’t host next year - spend them money on your son too make up for the inequality from his grandparents.

TinkerTiger · 25/12/2023 11:55

Goinoutalone · 25/12/2023 11:02

Does your dc even play the piano??

Do people even bother to read?

NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT · 25/12/2023 11:55

The op said her child was the only one that does

happinessischocolate · 25/12/2023 11:58

If no one asked for a piano then I expect one of your siblings will be looking to get rid of a piano soon.... so with any luck your child will get a free piano and a £30 present

girlfriend44 · 25/12/2023 11:58

Here we go Xmas moans,when will people learn to knock the present buying on the head.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 25/12/2023 11:59

What I would want to know is if the other DGCs, presumably older, had a similar 30 pound budget for their Christmas presents when they were four. Do the grandparents naturally increase what is spent as the DGCs get older? And, in the natural course of things, would DS also eventually get a piano?

TinkerTiger · 25/12/2023 11:59

Muchof · 25/12/2023 11:39

Shouldn’t get more than the others obviously or more because OP is hosting. OP started by asking why her child didn’t get a piano, a gift the others had to share.

Edited
Show quote history

OP didn’t say her child should get more than the others, just get more. You’re making it up. Her child had £30 spent on them while the other children had £100 budget for each of them

Floralnomad · 25/12/2023 11:59

As long as your child likes the gift he got then I’d just leave it . Next year tell them early that you are not hosting Christmas , in fact tell them today over dinner and do something else instead . You only get treated like a doormat if you allow people to do so .

TinkerTiger · 25/12/2023 12:00

SaltySeaCat · 25/12/2023 11:44

Your 4 year old is learning the piano 🎹?

I did at 4, I could play by ear Confused

NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT · 25/12/2023 12:01

Not the point

irisgg7 · 25/12/2023 12:01

@Ju1ieAndrews “Explain it will be more christmassy to go to a house with a piano, so the family can gather around it and sing together.”

Brilliant , I'd go with this. DON'T HOST NEXT YEAR...OR ANY OTHER.

Peppermintginger · 25/12/2023 12:03

Lifeasiknowitisout · 25/12/2023 11:54

Read her first few replies. Not just her first post.

she posted word for word ‘no one asked for a piano’.

So all the other kids got a portion of a piano that they neither wanted nor asked for. It’s a crap present.

Op also don’t ask for a piano. Back to my original comment. I would rather my child was bought a gift they liked than have a more expensive gift no one wanted or asked for

Ops child got a gift, i assume they liked since op is avoiding answering. The rest of the kids got a portion of something pushed onto them. They got given an obligation. I would rather be in the Ops shoes.

Show quote history

I have somewhere in the thread acknowledged the later response. A lot of people don't ask for the gifts they got. Most would be upset if an equal relative had 10x more spent on them. You are right, it is crap for the kids who got a piano who didn't want one. But it is also not nice for the OP whose child is one of 6 DC and the only to be visibly treated very differently and would have benefited from receiving the same. It's irrelevant she didn't ask. They would still benefit. It is hurtful for OP. Hence why she is here. Trying to tell her she is ungrateful as her parents have said (in her own home when she is hosting them) going to help. It's hard to understand dysfunction and this kind of treatment if you haven't experienced it.

It's great you'd be happy though. OP isn't.

WhenRobinsAreNear · 25/12/2023 12:04

Nope eff that, if they really have spent hundred on your Dcs cousins and far less on him and are in your home, expecting you to host after quite clearly treating your child differently, id be telling them to do one and cutting contact. Sod the fact it's Christmas day, give the left overs to the homeless, sounds like they've be more grateful