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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that toddler not included in christmas meal

252 replies

10littlemonkeys · 24/12/2023 16:44

We are going to my inlaws for Christmas dinner. It is a large family dinner (about 20people). Our DD is 16months old and it is the first Christmas where she understands a little bit of the magic.
I have just found out that there is 'not enough space at the table' for her and that we will have to feed her christmas lunch seperatly to everyone else.
She eats really well and now feeds herself for the most part so I was really looking forward to us all sitting together to enjoy Christmas lunch as last year she was so little I missed it as she was fussy and u settled so had mine microwaved after everyone else.
I know Christmas is different with a baby and usually a bit chaotic, but I also highly expect that it is my inlaw being fussy and more concerned about the mess she might cause whilst eating (a few years ago at christmas she made an adult relative cry for breaking a glass....). There will be other children there a bit older 4/5yo who will be seated at the table.
It is now christmas eve we are finding this out and we don't have any option really to pull out and go elsewhere or stay at home. I'm really not looking forward to the eating part now as most of it will now be one of us feeding DD in another room and having a cold christmas dinner or dinner on own, or running around chasing her whilst everyone eats if she eats before us.
YABU- Christmas with a child is chaotic and you just go with the flow
YANBU- Host should be more accommodating for us and DD

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 24/12/2023 16:45

Can't you just have her in a high chair next to you?

Chemenger · 24/12/2023 16:45

Can you just have her on your knee and share bits of your lunch?

Stompythedinosaur · 24/12/2023 16:46

What is meant to happen when you are having dinner, where is your little one meant to go then?

It isn't ideal, but maybe suggest having her in your lap?

But, yes, obviously unreasonable to invite you and announce the night before they are expecting a toddler not to be welcome at the meal.

mintbiscuit · 24/12/2023 16:47

Can’t you just sit with dc on your lap and take turns with your DH. You’re being precious

CharmedCult · 24/12/2023 16:47

Surely you just take her high chair and you and DH shuffle up a bit to create a space?

TomatoSandwiches · 24/12/2023 16:48

They ABU and rude imo.

I would cut up my dinner and then take her on my knee and share it with her.

I wouldn't be going back next year, Make Christmas how you like it at home with your immediate family.

hskdnek572 · 24/12/2023 16:49

Agree - just take a high chair and she can surely fit on the end near you.

ZekeZeke · 24/12/2023 16:49

On your knee, DH knee or high chair.
Hardly a complicated situation.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 24/12/2023 16:50

So they don’t want their own grandchild to sit at the dinner table with them? That’s just bizarre. I’d take her high chair and find a space behind me and DH for it.

Z1hun · 24/12/2023 16:50

I'm sorry but my dd is also 16m born in August. There's no way they understand 'the magic' I wouldn't stress. She won't remember being excluded from the adult table. And if it's such an issue take a high chair and sit her next to you.

NotARealWookiie · 24/12/2023 16:50

CharmedCult · 24/12/2023 16:47

Surely you just take her high chair and you and DH shuffle up a bit to create a space?

This. You and DH sit on a corner and pop the toddler in the high chair next to you but not directly at the table.

cansu · 24/12/2023 16:50

Just take a high chair and sit on end so she can be on corner next to you. Hardly a disaster.

Nevermind31 · 24/12/2023 16:52

Have her in the high chair to the side. And ask pil where she will sit next year?

devildeepbluesea · 24/12/2023 16:52

Yeah, not seeing the issue. Take a high chair. At 16mths DD had no idea what was going on, and she was actually napping while we all ate.

Mum2jenny · 24/12/2023 16:52

Put her on your knee and feed her from your plate

DoorPath · 24/12/2023 16:52

Put her on your knee. It's not rocket science.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 24/12/2023 16:53

Send a breezy text now oh its OK we will bring her highchair.. Their response will decide if you actually stay home.. Possibly they don't actually want dc at the table....

FastingBitchFace · 24/12/2023 16:53

Isn’t the OP saying that she has been told there isn’t enough room, ie that her DD isn’t welcome at the table?

VickyEadieofThigh · 24/12/2023 16:54

Doesn't she normally sit in a high chair? I cannot believe the toddler's own grandparents are refusing to let her be at dinner with everyone!

TomatoSandwiches · 24/12/2023 16:54

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 24/12/2023 16:53

Send a breezy text now oh its OK we will bring her highchair.. Their response will decide if you actually stay home.. Possibly they don't actually want dc at the table....

Well, this is how I read it.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 24/12/2023 16:55

Benefit of the doubt mentioning a highchair imo.

MindHowYouGoes · 24/12/2023 16:55

Not going is a huge overreaction at this late stage. Take a high chair and ignore the objections to the mess - just breezily say you’ll clear it up after her

Divebar2021 · 24/12/2023 16:56

There isn’t a chance in hell that a toddler would be excluded from a big social meal like Christmas in my family. How are children supposed to learn how to behave if they’re excluded from these kinds of occasions? It sounds like they’re being very precious about the “ ambience” or maybe the carpet.

Riverstep · 24/12/2023 16:56

Another vote for high chair, I actually think 16 months is a bit young to be sitting on a chair at the table anyway.

Notmetoo · 24/12/2023 16:57

That is odd behaviour. We don't have much space and people will be sitting on odd chairs but everyone invited will sit round the table whatever age they are. I can't understand a GP wanting to exclude their grandchild.