To be annoyed that toddler not included in christmas meal

[10littlemonkeys]

We are going to my inlaws for Christmas dinner. It is a large family dinner (about 20people). Our DD is 16months old and it is the first Christmas where she understands a little bit of the magic.
I have just found out that there is 'not enough space at the table' for her and that we will have to feed her christmas lunch seperatly to everyone else.
She eats really well and now feeds herself for the most part so I was really looking forward to us all sitting together to enjoy Christmas lunch as last year she was so little I missed it as she was fussy and u settled so had mine microwaved after everyone else.
I know Christmas is different with a baby and usually a bit chaotic, but I also highly expect that it is my inlaw being fussy and more concerned about the mess she might cause whilst eating (a few years ago at christmas she made an adult relative cry for breaking a glass....). There will be other children there a bit older 4/5yo who will be seated at the table.
It is now christmas eve we are finding this out and we don't have any option really to pull out and go elsewhere or stay at home. I'm really not looking forward to the eating part now as most of it will now be one of us feeding DD in another room and having a cold christmas dinner or dinner on own, or running around chasing her whilst everyone eats if she eats before us.
YABU- Christmas with a child is chaotic and you just go with the flow
YANBU- Host should be more accommodating for us and DD

Poor comprehension there @Midnightgrey. How do you think a 16 month old broke a glass "a few years ago"? 😂

This. Any objections and I’d stay home. My children are as much part of the family as everyone else.

What a strange thing to say. I doubt ops child is ‘particularly annoying’ just because she broke a glass by mistake! That’s an easy mistake for an adult to make- at least it is for clumsy me, haha! If they didn’t want the child at the table they shouldn’t have invited them.

edit: just reread the post and it wasn’t even op’s child who broke the glass! So your comment looks even sillier.

And so what if she makes a mess? Mess can cleaned up.

Oh well in that case I'd reply "no problem, DH will sit in the kitchen and eat with the baby while I have dinner with you all".

Nah - sack it off and stay at home.

That's ridiculous OP, I don't see why she can't eat with you at a high chair. You're definitely NOT being unreasonable.

Who are they imagining is going to be looking after DD whilst all the adults are eating? Are they tapped?

We've had this.

We were at a big family Boxing Day lunch and they said there wasn't room at the table for our little one.

In the end we ate with him in at the dining table an hour before everyone else and then we sat in the lounge while everyone else took hours over lunch.

It was pretty grim.

I think this is pretty clearly the case. Why would it be so bad ? I wouldn't want my dining room to get messy either, also toddlers usually eat earlier than adults. She can still sit in your knee at the table.

This is really shitty Op. I'd be really upset. What does DH say? What are you meant to do, sit in another room with your child? They must have a massive house to sit 20 anyway, you can squeeze a high chair in. Are they normally this awful to her?

You wouldn't be welcome in my home.

Fuck that

They need a kids table for anyone under ten. They eat first. Then they sit quietly and watch a film for two hours in silence whilst the adults have their delicious 7 course meal with wine pairing

😂😂🥂

But no, your little DD shouldn't eat alone ffs

If they are hosting 20 people I assume there is a risk of some mess, even if the toddler isn’t allowed at the table

But at 16 months she can’t be left alone so where do they expect her to be?

Bugger that.
'Didn't realise space was so tight, we'll stay home in that case. Hopefully you can find a place at the table for DD next year.'

So what the heck do they think your toddler does while you two eat? I would keep her on my laps and feed her.

If the mess is a problem, take a floor mat? If you don't have one, an old tablecloth or even an old shower curtain will work (both will do the trick in keeping the mess off the floor and can be cleaned up easily afterwards).

Or if this isn't acceptable to them I'd stick together and all eat in the kitchen as a family rather than it just being one of you. Hopefully your in laws will miss the presence of DH and make space, push come to shove.

How unpleasant!

I hosted a Passover meal for 18 when my youngest was the same age. We were all squashed in somehow. There genuinely wasn't space for a chair for ds. He wouldn't have coped with a long drawn out meal and formalities, anyway. Most kids won't. I fed ds before the meal, and he happily spent the actual meal being passed from person to person, snacking on whatever they gave him, and occasionally going off somewhere with one of the kids.

There are ways around it, if the host really wants to solve the problem.

Obviously YANBU. But YABU to say your child understands Christmas. 16 month olds literally don't have a clue 🤣

Not a big deal. Although I don’t think you should have to put her on your knee.

options;
high chair
feed her first let her play
let her play feed her last
nap time.

also, I promise you she doesn’t “understand the magic”

Get DH onboard and just take her high chair and a plastic mat to stand it on to catch any bits and bobs.

I’d prime DH to help chip in if PIL object, you could both say something along the lines of ‘oh no it’s fine, we can all budge up a bit can’t we Aunt Beryl - of course there’s room at the table for the whole family’ with confidence and a big smile.

Sorry, I’d just do it anyway! They’re not going to physically remove her from your lap/high chair. I wouldn’t even worry about seeming rude as it would appear they have won the prize for that already.

I can’t ‘fit’ my DS at the table so I pull
his high chair next to me. Could you do that? otherwise id take it in turns with DP and have him sat at the table on one of our knees.

I wouldn’t go somewhere at Xmas if they didn’t cater to DC. Maybe suck it up this year and stay hoem
next year

I can their point OP, it would be difficult to fit in a high chair when 20 people are eating, OP! How big of a dining table do you think they have?!

And if dd was sitting in your lap, how she feed herself whilst you feed yourself?

I think you have unrealistic expectations. The only way you could have enough space to watch dd eat her dinner is to stay home.

If this was me and I had been told that I couldn't bring a highchair or have her on my knee (and you don't feel cancelling is an option!) I would eat separately with her and your DH in another room. If they ask why you are all going, just say that at Christmas you like to eat together and if there is no room for her at the table you'll eat separately.

I can’t imagine any grandparent not wanting a baby/toddler/ child at the table for Christmas dinner. They don’t sound like very loving people. I have nine dgc and every one has always been welcomed at every family gathering.