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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that toddler not included in christmas meal

252 replies

10littlemonkeys · 24/12/2023 16:44

We are going to my inlaws for Christmas dinner. It is a large family dinner (about 20people). Our DD is 16months old and it is the first Christmas where she understands a little bit of the magic.
I have just found out that there is 'not enough space at the table' for her and that we will have to feed her christmas lunch seperatly to everyone else.
She eats really well and now feeds herself for the most part so I was really looking forward to us all sitting together to enjoy Christmas lunch as last year she was so little I missed it as she was fussy and u settled so had mine microwaved after everyone else.
I know Christmas is different with a baby and usually a bit chaotic, but I also highly expect that it is my inlaw being fussy and more concerned about the mess she might cause whilst eating (a few years ago at christmas she made an adult relative cry for breaking a glass....). There will be other children there a bit older 4/5yo who will be seated at the table.
It is now christmas eve we are finding this out and we don't have any option really to pull out and go elsewhere or stay at home. I'm really not looking forward to the eating part now as most of it will now be one of us feeding DD in another room and having a cold christmas dinner or dinner on own, or running around chasing her whilst everyone eats if she eats before us.
YABU- Christmas with a child is chaotic and you just go with the flow
YANBU- Host should be more accommodating for us and DD

OP posts:
5foot5 · 24/12/2023 23:56

YANBU and I really can't get my head around the idea of a grandparent wanting to exclude their grandchildren from Christmas dinner.

My DC and all the DN are grown up now, but when they were little neither my DM or my PILs would have dreamed of excluding them from a Sunday dinner, let alone Christmas dinner. For a few years there was always at least one high chair at the table.

In fact I remember celebrating FILs 70th. SIL had not been long out of hospital having had DN. The birthday celebrations were arranged so they could be at PILs house with a comfy corner set up where SIL could sit and nurse DN when necessary and an informal dinner that all the LOs could enjoy and we could take food over to SIL so she could take it easy. PILs were foodies really who liked nice restaurants, but when it came down to it they preferred to be with family and do whatever it took to accommodate them.

Serrina · 25/12/2023 00:20

SuperGinger · 24/12/2023 19:41

Actually toddlers are a pain in the arse, I loved mine at that age but they were messy and annoying at mealtimes, now we are about to have a two year old visit. I'm dreading it. My house isn't set up for toddlers, in fact it's a massive imposition, the child should eat wherever the host specifies.

Sounds like you didn't really "love" them at that age at all

AlltheFs · 25/12/2023 00:27

Sorry @10littlemonkeys but I wouldn’t go and I’d tell them why. What sort of vile, controlling people are they? Not ones I’d want my child spending time with. Fuck that.

The attitude some people have towards children and eating in this country explains exactly why so many children grow up unable to eat properly- they learn by observing and being included. Shoving them elsewhere to be seen and not heard is ridiculous.

Don’t invite more people than you can accommodate- batshit.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 25/12/2023 00:36

Op either don't go or make sure your dh is at your side with baby and you all eat together and see how that goes.
I think it's dreadful to suddenly insist on this at that stage and would not sit like a discarded nanny on a seperate room whilst dh was elsewhere

ChristmasEvemaddness · 25/12/2023 00:38

And who sits with the child and why invite them to be sat excluded somewhere.
Op your dh mustn't leave your side and preferably eat and go immediately.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 25/12/2023 00:39

Or, get there look at the arrangements and perhaps plate up some foods and then go on somewhere else

Terrrence · 25/12/2023 00:42

Just sit her on your knee.

OceanicBoundlessness · 25/12/2023 00:44

This happened to us one year. I had to share my lunch with dd. We didn't go back to that family member again.

OceanicBoundlessness · 25/12/2023 00:48

I would sit her on your knee, take turns with dh and let her her share your food. Demand a plate for her or take your own.

OceanicBoundlessness · 25/12/2023 00:48

I would sit her on your knee, take turns with dh and let her her share your food. Demand a plate for her or take your own.

Smellslikesummer · 25/12/2023 09:26

TeenLifeMum · 24/12/2023 17:17

I’d reply “oh it’s fine, we’ll figure it out and squeeze her in. Can’t leave her out - that would be a bit shit lol” breezily ignoring and comments.

This, ignore and have her at the table.

FastingBitchFace · 25/12/2023 09:46

I don’t like mess either, but it’s not a given that toddlers throw food, smear it everywhere etc. DD didn’t, we just kept an eye on her.

Shrieking teenagers talking nonsense though, give me toddlers any day!

Hope today goes ok, @10littlemonkeys .

crumblingschools · 25/12/2023 10:24

What have you decided to do @10littlemonkeys?

Original poster
10littlemonkeys · 25/12/2023 13:44

We are on our way with the high chair packed and planning to go ahead and just squeeze her between us/behind us with the tray on the chair and a mat.... so not taking up any table space and saving the carpet! Hopefully this will avoid any commentary but will be quick to say my piece and leave if not! Unfortunately she's not the type of child that sits well on laps and would be wriggling to escape and run away.
The strangest part is that we had already planned to book the pub months ago but it was insisted that we come- even with us warning about her being a messy toddler!

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 25/12/2023 17:37

Hope it went well

Namechangeforthis11111 · 25/12/2023 17:55

Good luck OP

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/12/2023 21:42

Would love to hear how this one goes @10littlemonkeys

Doodar · 25/12/2023 22:03

Where will she sit next year if there’s no space now? Hope it went well OP

ALonelyRoad · 26/12/2023 05:17

Any updates @10littlemonkeys? I hope it went well!

Londonrach1 · 26/12/2023 07:00

Highchair surely be the answer. Tbh at 16 months I'd be surprised she could seat at the table and Christmas meal tends to be a long meal. I'd expect to feed her before hand or pop her in highchair next to table. Yabu here I'm afraid.

Serrina · 26/12/2023 09:42

@10littlemonkeys how did it go?

cyclamenqueen · 26/12/2023 11:17

@Londonrach1 did you read the part where the OP said that the MIL had rejected having the high chair in the dining room at all .

BelieveInYourElf · 26/12/2023 13:42

we need the outcome

SparklyOwls · 26/12/2023 20:38

What happened?

Original poster
10littlemonkeys · 28/12/2023 01:36

Thanks for the responses!
As suggested hy some- I just took they high chair anyway and a mat.
MIL did a bit of huffing at the start trying to dictate where people should sit and did move me from next to DD as she wanted to sit at the head of table- fine as partner sat next to DD and I could relax opposite!
DD sat at table for the most of the dinner- got bored about 5 minutes before we all finiahed- and didn't drop a morsel on the floor! So really nothing to moan about

OP posts: