To think this is madness and not safe?!

[chocolateaupain]

17 year old DD is saying she is going out this evening to meet an 18 year old lad who she's never met before and knows nothing about. We live in the middle of nowhere- apparently he's "getting dropped off" near our house and she's "going for a walk" with him. She's chatted to him over FaceTime and text and they have mutual friends apparently but essentially she knows nothing about him. She plans to just walk around in the dark and cold in a rural area with him (lots of unlit areas). I've told her this is madness and to meet him somewhere lit and safe like a pub / cafe / restaurant for a proper date. She won't listen.

Am I overreacting?!

Do you have a teenage girl?

Is this thread going to be zapped I wonder

Just wait till she goes to university... I'd suggest that you and her Aunt sit her down at some point and do an intervention, and let her know very firmly the kind of precautions she needs to be taking. I wish someone had done that with me at that age - in those days date rape was just another Friday night.

For tonight, the pub is a better idea but still not great. I'd insist on her calling you when she gets to the pub and again before she leaves at the very least. She can't help feeling invincible (it's hormones and the teenage brain), but you can insist on her checking in.

Hope things calm down for you this evening.

I was a teen girl and I had bloody left home by your DD age so having mummy freak out that I'm going for a walk with a friend or a friend who is 1 year older than me at night is frankly ridiculous. We did that all the time.

If it was my teenage I would just say make sure your phone is charged and don't forget it.

This isn't some 30 year old complete random she found on tinder for god sake.

I'd send her all the stories of woman raped, kidnapped or murdered around your country by these unknown men and tell her it's never worth the risk. No man is worth the risk and if he's only willing to meet for a walk around the dark then he isn't worth it.

I understand her defiance I was like that but why all the pressure to do it like this?? That makes t more suspicious tell you what though having a toddler at home wouldn't stop me from following my daughter to make sure she isn't in trouble. I would just be very pissed off at her

Not sure if it's been suggested already but I'd ask her to share her location with you. This can be done through WhatsApp so that you can see where she is if needed.

@housethatbuiltme

Ahh so you don't have kids. Ok, thought as much.

He is not a "friend" ffs!! She's never met him,

@housethatbuiltme I think your misunderstanding the situation... This is a guy she doesn't know! So a complete random, she knows nothing about him! He isn't a friend

Go on the walk with her, or she doesn’t go at all would be my answer. And do t pay any attention to people batting away your concerns with flippant comments: this is your daughter you know her better than any randoms on the internet and if you are uncomfortable there’s a good reason for that.

basically its omg behaviours and security issues

Having teenagers - and hearing what their friends get up to - she’s not doing (or I should say wasn’t planning on doing as I know she’s now amended her plans) anything super unusual. I also think that, while somewhat ill advised, it wasn’t quite as terrible as has been suggested. I also suspect the downside of how this has played out is she’ll be less likely to confide in OP in future.

We did that all the time
What, mooching down a dark country lane on Christmas Eve, with someone you'd never met before?
Sure you did.

I do have kids lol.

A teen aswell which you would know if you read almost any of my mumsnet past posts. I even mentioned what I would do with my teen in the bloody message you quoted lol.

Its hilarious when people jump to 'ha you must not have any experience simply because you don't agree me'.

Frankly its no where near as mad as people are making out... its literally how teen friendship work'

This! They meet through friends chat online then meet irl. It is all very normal but yes it is dark now so despite having a toddler I'd let him come to your house, that is normal too and yep I have teens.

You and auntie need to calm yourselves.

What, mooching down a dark country lane on Christmas Eve, with someone you'd never met before?
Sure you did.

Exactly! Who the fuck does this or would feel totally happy for their teen daughter to do this?

We literally live in the middle of fields and nature reserves on unlit B roads. Where the actual fuck were they going to go?! It's stupidity is what it is.

Yeah because it's about getting your priorities right ffs. Yes she's being a pain, but you need to think about who's at risk here, your DD or a child who hasn't had a bath.

Can I suggest your RTFT (or at least my updates) if you're going to post.

It's sorted.

Of course we did... we live rural so a rural lane is basically any lane except a main road (where else would we go?) and teens literally meet new people and make new friends CONSTANTLY. Its the biggest expanse in social circle in your life time usually.

Nearly everyone I am friends with now was just 'a friend of a friend' once. How do yous lot only ever meet people you know?

I don't believe they have mutual friends. Some of these men just go through your online friend list and ask to friend some of your friends. There are many who accept a friend invitation because they like having loads of "friends". Then the man approaches someone like your daughter and says that they have mutual friends. Why is this man free to wander around a rural area on Christmas eve when everyone else is with family and friends?

Phew.

Panic over.

OP, how stressful for you. I'm glad it's more or less sorted, apart from her getting home, which you seem to have made arrangements for too.

I did all this shit in my 50s!!!!! Seriously, I arranged to meet a complete stranger, miles from home, and agreed to spend the weekend in his house.

Family tried to point out how mad/dangerous this was, but all I heard was "You don't trust my judgment, you all think I'm stupid and naive, and I know enough about him to feel confident about my decision, so fuck you."

Your teenage daughter is probably more mature, I'm only sharing this in case it helps illuminate her perspective.

In my case I went to visit him for the weekend as planned, found him weird but perfectly pleasant, had sex with him as I didn't know how to get out of it in the circumstances, and learned my lesson.

What I'm trying to say is, on the plus side, I was right about judging character. He was completely pleasant and harmless! On the other hand, family were right that you shouldn't put yourself in this kind of situation. Luckily your daughter is clsoe at hand and you have things covered. Well done.

Why is this man free to wander around a rural area on Christmas eve when everyone else is with family and friends?

It's weird isn't it. It's just not the evening you'd think people would be meeting randoms off the Internet. I mean originally my daughter said she had no plans with her mates or otherwise today and was spending it home with her younger sibling and I because "it's Christmas Eve". Her words. She changed her mind and sprung this ridiculous plan on me, causing a lot of stress and panic.

Sorry yes I posted before rtft, apologies

Calm down you'll make yourself ill overreacting like this. Soo angry over very little. She is 17 poor kid meeting a friend, hardly at an all night rave.

Unfortunately teenagers are known for taking stupid risks so I’m not at all surprised. I am pleased though that her aunty talked her out of it. In terms of other safety precautions whenever I used to date I’d send my friends my live location on what’s app so they knew where I was. Might be helpful to know for future reference.