To think this is madness and not safe?!

[chocolateaupain]

17 year old DD is saying she is going out this evening to meet an 18 year old lad who she's never met before and knows nothing about. We live in the middle of nowhere- apparently he's "getting dropped off" near our house and she's "going for a walk" with him. She's chatted to him over FaceTime and text and they have mutual friends apparently but essentially she knows nothing about him. She plans to just walk around in the dark and cold in a rural area with him (lots of unlit areas). I've told her this is madness and to meet him somewhere lit and safe like a pub / cafe / restaurant for a proper date. She won't listen.

Am I overreacting?!

Ffs @anxiousnanna I HAVE tried talking to her!! I'm seeking advice at the same time as doing so. Jesus Christ. Not helpful, not remotely

Dinner and bath for a small child would be the last of my priorities right now.

Get his name and call the gym while it's still open.

Oh ok I'll just neglect my responsibilities to feed and bath my toddler because my teen is acting like a selfish arse. Right o 🙄

And say what?

Sorry OP, but I think you are being unreasonable here, in saying that you can't follow her, and you won't allow him to come into the house. You MUST protect your older daughter from herself tonight at all costs! A 2 year old won't die for the sake of not having tea and a bath. Grab a snack for her, and be prepared to follow your daughter on foot if needs be, ie, have the LO's buggy handy. You clearly don't think you can stop her going, so these are really the only options open to you.

Who is dropping him off?

Potentially she could be meeting a car full of 17 year old boys?

Have you got a snug at home where they could sit in relative peace and quiet but you keep an eye on them?

that is put up an entire lorry of red flags @chocolateaupain

And yes there are presents to wrap - hers actually!! It's Christmas fucking Eve. She knows I still have her stuff to wrap, she's just sprung this shit on my now and I find it incredibly selfish

You could feed the toddler now and she could go without a bath for one night whilst you sort this out to be fair.

What?

You could find out if he is an actual personal trainer at the gym for a start, 18 seems very young to be one for a start. If you google his name and it shows some bloke in his 30's it might give you some ammunition.

Right auntie has now talked to her - she's convinced her this is madness and she's now getting a taxi to a local pub instead and meeting him there, and a taxi home. I've told her she goes nowhere on foot with him - just taxi there and then home. The pub is only 5 mins away.

have you considered for just 1. tiny minute that your 17 year old daughter is crying out.. begging... screaming for just a little bit of attention from her mum?

The toddler's bath and tea is not priority here when this madness is going on.

I think everyone is being a bit hysterical tbh. He’s not a complete stranger. Pub is definitely a better idea but everyone is sounding like meeting up for a walk is guaranteed disaster. They probably just wanted a smoke or a shag or something

oops

Teenagers are by nature very selfish.
From experience I think it's very unlikely you will be able to talk her out of this.
I think enlisting the friend/s who introduced them to make this more of a Christmas meet up than a date if you can would make it a little safer.
Location sharing and a pre-planned route around the best lit, busiest areas might help.
Inviting him in would be your safest bet, then if he turns out to not be who he says he is you can turn him away at the door.

Ask if he works there

You also have a responsibility to your oldest daughter who needs you to keep her safe and instead you are being an obstructive coward telling us you're worried about having this man in the house because of your two-year-old. If you don't think you and your seventeen year old would be able to keep your two year old safe with this person in the house you absolutely shouldn't even be letting your oldest go to the pub with him, should you? So either this is a pathetic bullshit excuse to abscond your responsibilities to your oldest, or you're genuinely terrified of this person for some reason you haven't shared and therefore should call the police if you see him near your oldest.

And secondly her lack of sense is because you've never taught her otherwise. Take some responsibility here instead of letting your world revolve around your youngest.

Let me guess, oldest is from a different relationship and you, DH and youngest are a lovely happy family that she has to tag along with and she's bottom of every priority list for everything ever?

They probably just wanted a smoke or a shag or something

Well yes, he almost certainly wants one of those things. The problem is if she doesn't , or decides she doesn't at any point. It's not exactly unknown for men to get pissy about that.

Well done Auntie.

careful... she will swear at you too

Teenagers do stupid things, it's not a reflection on OP, pretty shitty of the posters who said it was.

Glad auntie talked some sense into her, you need lots more reality conversations, because she clearly living in cloud land. Does she have access to the news? Look at the poor girl murdered by a police officer, I think she needs bombarding with reality.

I doubt she knows him, I doubt he's a friend of a friend.

Nightmare situation OP, hope all goes well.