To think this is madness and not safe?!

[chocolateaupain]

17 year old DD is saying she is going out this evening to meet an 18 year old lad who she's never met before and knows nothing about. We live in the middle of nowhere- apparently he's "getting dropped off" near our house and she's "going for a walk" with him. She's chatted to him over FaceTime and text and they have mutual friends apparently but essentially she knows nothing about him. She plans to just walk around in the dark and cold in a rural area with him (lots of unlit areas). I've told her this is madness and to meet him somewhere lit and safe like a pub / cafe / restaurant for a proper date. She won't listen.

Am I overreacting?!

Yes, but the alternative is having the random man walking around in the dark with your other daughter ?

Agreed! Surely she knows something about him if they have mutual friends and have been messaging/facetiming.

At your house is much safer than wondering about in the dark. Even if he's the nicest bloke in the world, you still have cars and increased risk of drunk drivers on xmas eve. That would be my biggest worry walking about dark unlit streets.

They’ve FaceTimed and have friends in common who actually know him? Add her on life 360 so you can stalk her and let her go.

@chocolateaupain

I would literally be telling her she either messages now and tells him the walk is off until after Xmas at which time it can be arranged for you to drop her into the nearest town/village and they meet there for coffee and a walk or your taking her phone off her and calling her dad/your partner right now to come home

Be as calm but as firm as you can op

I feel
For you as I have teenagers who also think everyone's nice and they're safe

It's scary out there

Definitely not overreacting. I wouldn't be facilitating this at all. Hopefully her auntie can drum some sense into her.

so what do you intend to do? of course any sane person can see how unsafe this is. I assume you've sat her down and had an adult conversation with her about all the implications of what she plans to do?

i still think this is a wind up... i genuinely dont believe in this day and age a rational 17 year old would make these types of plans? there's something not being said here

I said there's a very real possibility you could be raped here, is that a risk you want to take? She rolled her eyes at me and said I was overreacting.

How did they meet OP?

@anxiousnanna

You can think it's a wind up all you want, I assure you - it's not. She is telling me this is what she is about to do.

There is no decent man in this day and age that would suggest this as a first date. Or at least who wouldn't understand a change of venue if your DD suggests it. I would do whatever you can to avoid this. Bribery is probably your best best. I'd probably offer £50 or whatever it takes for her to agree that you drive her to the nearest local pub so she can buy them both food & drinks. Not ideal, but you're a bit stuck. If he were to turn down the idea of date with free food and drinks, then surely even a (sorry) stupid teenager would understand what that implies and not go.

@IAmAnIdiot123

They haven't met yet. She tells me they have "mutual friends". They've only ever spoken on FaceTime / text so far, for a few weeks maximum.

He's a personal trainer at a gym apparently, and he's 18. That's all she's told me over the past couple weeks.

Their numbers didn't just float into each others phones so how were they introduced? Was it an online dating site thing or were they introduced by friends?

You’ll make your own mind up. But she’s much more at risk of him being a “date” rapist than him being some sort of lunatic who’s going to slaughter the 3 of you, so I’d let him in the house for today if you can’t talk her out of it as I think that’s the safer option.

Introduced by friends from what she's told me.

They haven't.
OP I'm not suggesting you do this but my mother would have literally followed me in the car if I tried to do this.

What about her father and/or your DH or a trusted uncle or something? Would she listen to anyone.

OP if you’d rather have her wandering around in the dark rather than in the house with you, you need to give your head a wobble…

I can't follow her, I have a 2 year old's tea and bath to sort out. She's so selfish putting this stress on me on Christmas Eve. I still have a mountain of presents to wrap too. She knows this. She's still adding to my stress

She's on the phone to my sister as we speak

i know i am coming across as a bit of a knob here and i will get shot down but, this is pretty serious, and you are on a forum online asking what to do instead of talking to your daughter and finding out whats going on?

if it were my daughter.. and she said this is what she planned to do.. she would have 100% of my attention..

just saying

It's better than the alternative.

YANBU at all.

At least if he comes to yours you can see that he's actually 18 at least.

Has she got a couple of friends she can take with her? Perhaps if she asked them they would also tell her how crazy this idea is? I know you are rural but if they wanted a 'walk' why didn't they arrange to do this in daylight hours? Could it be that they are literally meeting up for pre planned sex? Who is dropping him off? Friends? If so are those friends hanging around? And if so with what intent?

I would be less concerned about inviting him into my house as he was introduced to her by friends so not a total stranger off the Internet. That would be much more preferable to her going out alone imo.

But there are presents to wrap !