To think this is madness and not safe?!

[chocolateaupain]

17 year old DD is saying she is going out this evening to meet an 18 year old lad who she's never met before and knows nothing about. We live in the middle of nowhere- apparently he's "getting dropped off" near our house and she's "going for a walk" with him. She's chatted to him over FaceTime and text and they have mutual friends apparently but essentially she knows nothing about him. She plans to just walk around in the dark and cold in a rural area with him (lots of unlit areas). I've told her this is madness and to meet him somewhere lit and safe like a pub / cafe / restaurant for a proper date. She won't listen.

Am I overreacting?!

Advice for a first date for anyone of any age is always in a public place, where others know where you are. I cannot imagine she hasn’t already heard this by 17, but they feel invincible. Well done on roping in her auntie and getting the plan modified.

You could offer to look with her at the Suzy Lamplugh Trust website once Christmas is over and before she starts getting out and about again - I’d frame it that she’s shown she can make adult decisions so she should be thinking about how adult women keep themselves safe when they are out and about or working alone, and don’t have mothers and aunts around to be their voice of sense.

@SisterMichaelsHabit

Read my responses to @anxiousnanna - they also apply to you,

Stop projecting some invented narrative all over my thread.

Hope you manage a happy Christmas despite your obvious bitterness towards strangers on the Internet

Thank you.

The arseholes are out in force on Christmas Eve it seems. How fucking sad for them.

All sorted now, she's meeting him at a pub, taxis there and home. Thank fuck for that.

Exactly!

Well, you can't stop her, so put a plan in place. Location on, check in every 30 mins. He's not a complete random if they have mutual friends. I would look at it she's told you what she's doing, you can have a check-in system. Have his info she could have just said I'm off out to meet friends," and you'd have been none the wiser.

I think everyone is being a bit hysterical tbh. He’s not a complete stranger.

He literally is. She has never met him, that by definition makes him a stranger to her.

Sounds like you're a bit of an A hole yourself OP!

Oh yeah proper arsehole me.

Stressed to fuck anxious mother who's kid is about to put herself in an unsafe situation on Christmas Eve when I'm home alone with a toddler and just trying to make it a nice evening got everyone. Proper arsehole mum who's bent over backwards all week trying to make everything lovely for both my kids.

Yeah, arsehole. That's what I am.

well that makes it all better doesnt it.... shes still meeting a stranger in a location that sells alcohol (shes underage)... who is going to make sure they then dont go for their walk in the dark...

YANBU at all! This is madness and I’m glad she has saw some sort of sense

He needs to come to the house & see her there. Is threaten to follow them if she doesn't agree to this. The young have no concept of danger, they think they are adult, wise and capable. They are trusting , carefree and up for adventure, not the same thing at all.

OP why are you being so defensive? It is bizarre to prioritise bathing one child over the safety of another, especially when you’ve just posted in anguish about it.

miraculously as soon as your thread started to turn she found a solution though, so no harm done right?

Ask her to download the hollyguard app and set it up on her phone for peace of mind. Glad she's changed her plans to meet in a pub now.

Are you sure she has managed to book taxis op? Rural area, Xmas Eve, short journey, there would be no chance where I live .

I’d invite him in

Really hope you never have kids if you think a mother giving a shit is an A hole. D head 🤣🤣🤣

? How on earth would that solve the problem?

I'm not prioritising it, I'm saying it also needs doing!! I have two children and the fact the one who knows better has just sprung this on me on Christmas fucking eve, adding to what I'd already a busy and stressful evening for me, has fucked me off as it would anyone! I'm not just abandoning the needs of my toddler because my teen is making stupid decisions, against my repeated advice!

Anyway sorted now like I said.

Thanks to those who managed to not be an arsehole.

I wouldn't want a strange man in my house, any night, let alone Christmas Eve. The pub is the best option, and track her like a crazy person.

She has to make her own choices, as upsetting and dangerous as that is. Lots of conversations need to be had after the event. The fucking internet is to blame, back in my day, you wouldn't meet a stranger based on a few messages. 🤯

Thank you! I don't want a random man in my house either but especially not on Christmas Eve ffs. Those saying invite him in wouldn't want this either I guarantee it

Agree - she says live in the middle of nowhere - it's not as if they are in a busy town centre ( I know it is not safe in the town either but at least not rural and alone with someone you barely know ? ) personally think that auntie has come up with a compromise but could op not invite him to the house and offer him a drink before they go out - get the taxi to pick them up from the house and either ask dh to come home early so he is there or be on the phone to talk to op while he is there - why can't he talk to his daughter on the phone as this is a crisis !

Aren't most people virtual strangers on a 1st date. The reality is people often 'meet' online these days. I think your best bet is to work out a plan of how she'll keep in touch & let you know where she is, how it's going. The heavy-handed approach will probably result in her just not telling you anything. It is always best when your kids voluntarily keep you in the loop.

Well I've just seen her get in one. She's saying she will get one back. But if she can't for whatever reason my partner will be home by then so one of us can stay with toddler and the other can pick her up if needs be.

But hes not a stranger to her... YOU don't know him but her friends know him and she has an online friendship with him. I mean if a bunch of others know who he is he, its been planned in writing and shes telling you the details hes hardly coming to murder her leaving behind a huge trail of evidence.

Frankly its no where near as mad as people are making out... its literally how teen friendship work and we where doing stuff like that back in the Myspace days (long before facetime) and none of us where raped and murdered (statistically you are far more likely to be assaulted by a family member or friend at home).

The biggest risk is shes likely to get chilblains walking around in this weather. It's safe to unclutch the pearls and whirl down the helicopter.