To think this is madness and not safe?!

[chocolateaupain]

17 year old DD is saying she is going out this evening to meet an 18 year old lad who she's never met before and knows nothing about. We live in the middle of nowhere- apparently he's "getting dropped off" near our house and she's "going for a walk" with him. She's chatted to him over FaceTime and text and they have mutual friends apparently but essentially she knows nothing about him. She plans to just walk around in the dark and cold in a rural area with him (lots of unlit areas). I've told her this is madness and to meet him somewhere lit and safe like a pub / cafe / restaurant for a proper date. She won't listen.

Am I overreacting?!

When I was 18+ we’d spend every Xmas eve together (mates) in a pub not wandering across fields so it’s quite stange.

Hopefully it is innocent but I would feel like you. Thank god for the aunt 😊

OP, ignore those venomous crows who are only after getting a raise out of you. Nobody in their sane mind can imagine that a mother lets her 17y old go on a spontaneous date in the dark of an unpopulated countryside with a boy she's never met before. They're just schoolyard bullies.
I agree with you completely. We have a 14y old and give her plenty of freedom but it's not at the expense of her safety. It's important that children and youngsters understand the concept of no. We had that just day before yesterday and it was a bit of a drama because we didn't let her go sleighing with her friends at 11PM (it's well lit and public transport is excellent over here) but we were still not ready to let her go like that.
Your DD isn't screaming for attention, you're not neglecting her at the expense of her sibling. What were you supposed to do, go with her and trail behind her like a chaperon?
It was a great decision and I understand the utter stress you were under. Merry Christmas!

@Bookist unbelievably silly thing to say, why on earth wouldn't other adults in this girl's family love her and contribute to raising her! Such a blinkered, modern, Western-centric way of seeing the family.

Jesus.

Unless her DD and her boyfriend are Mary and Joseph, Jesus is unlikely to happen.
I wouldn't let my DD invite an unknown man she's never met before into our house either. OP handled the situation well.

Im glad she's home and had a lovely time OP. I completely agreed with you. Kids eh ?

Nice glass of wine and chocolate for you now 🍷🍫 you deserve it x

Spending £500 on your DD isn't emotional attention and doesn't make you a better parent than those who don't spend that.

My DD is 20 and my reply to her wanting to do this would be "How lovely. I've been fancying a walk at X. Me and the dogs will join you."

I'm glad it worked out, OP. For future reference, I always found involving their most sensible friends worked well. They're far more likely to listen to their peers than they are an adult.

Correct.

Luckily I didn't claim either of these things to be the case. 👍🏻

this is how girls get raped and at worse murdered. no way lock her in! I appreciate you have to keep safe yourself have you a friend or your sister to follow her? She is being very very stupid

Unless her DD and her boyfriend are Mary and Joseph, Jesus is unlikely to happen.

😂😂😂
Thank you, I needed that laugh

What the fuck am I reading. It's enraging, hilarious and depressing in equal measure.

Basically what's happened is that OP has come on here with a very valid concern. But because she has expressed herself in a way that some people seem to think points to vulnerability (i.e. she's obviously emotional about it - understandably!) a bunch of actual grown adults have decided to try and kick her while she's down. On Christmas Eve. Because it makes them feel good to insult and berate someone who is clearly upset, making extremely unpleasant and personal accusations.

Some of you seriously need to work on yourselves. There's something very, very wrong in your life if this is how you get your kicks.

Well done OP. Glad it worked out well.

Wow I'm glad it worked out but I totally understand your worries OP

I don't know what the solution would have been apart from to insist on him coming to the house -or- insist on him providing some form of identification with his name, address, etc... which is a bit intense and still wouldn't stop him from being an abductor or rapist

The fact she tried to play you with your husband is disrespectful and gamey too. I hope that she can come to see what your legit concerns were / are as anything could have happened to her.

I am with you OP, indeed remember this discussion going on in our house back in the olden days.
I have found with my nephews and niece that sometimes aunties and uncles can offer words of support/ reason / wisdom that are acknowledged. It is just how it is, no reflection on you as her mother.
Perhaps your sister can have a chat with your daughter about safety and boundaries when dating another time.

Age 17 isn't a child. I lived in London in a flat share! Good grief.

@chocolateaupain Only this evening I was remembering when I was a teenager and how vulnerable I was to creepy older men.
I was so naïve.
I was trusting-
Your daughter probably fancies this bloke-
Hopefully he is only 18 and not older.

The weather has been appalling all day- raining and blowing a hoolie- Definitely not a night to go a - wandering.

I’m sorry people have been such dicks to you-
Mumsnet can be like that sometimes.
Always ready to put the boot in.

Hope you have a peaceful evening with no further worries.

My dad tried to warn me about men- I laughed him off - but in retrospect he was absolutely right.
Young women of 17 are hugely vulnerable to creeps with agendas!

I ended up trapped in a cellar with a would be rapist at 18 because I was trusting

Thankfully I screamed and held onto some iron railings that were on the cellar staircase-

The hatch above my head was opened by his friend and I was let go with just a torn coat.

I was very, very lucky.

They could have killed me there- no one would have known ( Charing Cross Rd, London).

I too left home at 17.

Just because one leaves home doesn’t mean that there is a sensible head on those shoulders.
17 is still very young.
If you were the mother of a 17 yr old meeting a strange man who could be anybody-

On a dark rainy night in the middle of nowhere- You too would be concerned.

You are 💯 a fantastic mother. You did everything in your power to keep your daughter safe. Ignore all the horrible and unnecessary comments. Have a lovely Xmas.

Yes it is.

This is good advice. Her safety takes priority.

Good grief such nasty replies. And it's the season of peace and goodwill to all!
OP you handled the situation really well with DD and you were absolutely right, no question.
(I was amazed at your tolerance with the negative posters)
Time for 🍷

@oakleaffy

Oh my goodness that sounds terrifying. I'm so sorry that happened to you x