To think this is madness and not safe?!

[chocolateaupain]

17 year old DD is saying she is going out this evening to meet an 18 year old lad who she's never met before and knows nothing about. We live in the middle of nowhere- apparently he's "getting dropped off" near our house and she's "going for a walk" with him. She's chatted to him over FaceTime and text and they have mutual friends apparently but essentially she knows nothing about him. She plans to just walk around in the dark and cold in a rural area with him (lots of unlit areas). I've told her this is madness and to meet him somewhere lit and safe like a pub / cafe / restaurant for a proper date. She won't listen.

Am I overreacting?!

He's home, he's putting the little one to bed currently. I've had a couple texts from her and she's fine at the moment. She seems to be having a nice time.

No matter how well you've raised them, teenagers make some insanely stupid decisions!

OP full understanding for you. There are some real twats on here who need to fuck right off with their stupid comments

Hope your daughter enjoys her night
I have an 18 year old daughter so completely understand your worries
Wishing you a peaceful Christmas

😂 you sound right up my street. And I concur.

Wow...there are some seriously odd people on this thread.

@chocolateaupain whilst I think some of your replies to idiots on this thread are a tad ott, there is no way in hell I would allow my 18 year old dsd to meet some total random for a walk in our also rural area.

I might have compromised and suggested they sit in the garden with the fire pit and have hot chocolate or a beer...but absolutely no chance to wandering around.

Fml some kids have no idea of danger!!

You are a grat mum and you have a fab sister!!! Glad she saw sense eventually.

why does everyone act like they were never a teenager! She’s 18! I was living on my own for two years by then how do people survive

@chocolateaupain
Completely get where you're coming from.
There are some real arses on here tonight. Fgs given the current stats of men attacking women I'm not surprised how worried you were.
Ignore the arses, I'm glad you got it all sorted and have a Happy Xmas Eve. 😊

Oh that's good, I'm glad she's texting you. By the way, when my son was a bolshy teenager I'd often call in my mum to deal with it! He had a lot of respect for her and would take more notice of her than me! She'd also give him a rollicking for being nasty to her daughter lol. Happy Christmas 🎄

100% agree. Your oops and she will swear at you as well totally uncalled for.

I mean, at 17 you’re lucky she’s told you the truth. By her age I was driving and would either not tell my parents my plans or outright lie about them. Teenagers take risks, and whilst they’ve never met, if they’ve been texting and calling for some weeks and were introduced through friends I wouldn’t say he’s a total stranger

You really need to watch the Breck Bednar documentary. His killer was an online 'friend of a friend'. It's not that people assume this boy is up to no good. He's probably harmless and sweet and interested. But we do not put ourselves in these situations and we do not allow our children to either. That's not hysteria. It's common sense and needs to be drummed into teenagers.

My first thought was OP needs to put her foot down and tell her DD no way. The I cast my mind back and remembered what I was doing at 17. I had a weekend job at a store in London and after work I went out with a group of similarly aged colleagues, including boys my parents had never met until 1/2am and then hopped on a night bus home. You genuinely think you are invincible at that age.

My parents had no oversight whatsoever into what I was doing and I had zero interest in listening to them anyway. This thread has made me dread DD’s teenage years.

OP, you are clearly an excellent, caring mother who has done the right thing in every way, including calling on another adult who she will listen to if she's at the phase where she's immune to parental advice. Merry Christmas.

This is 100% something I would have done at 17 (although not on Christmas Eve) and yes it is stupid and really dangerous but teens are selfish and don’t think bad things will happen. It has nothing to do with being a good/ bad parent.

Follow her. It’s your only choice

She's just come home. Smiling and happy, saying he was lovely and a real gent who stayed with her til her taxi arrived before be left himself. And she actually said she could now see where I was coming from and she was glad to be indoors in the warm rather than waking the streets in the cold and dark. I asked her how she'd feel if her little sister (who's she is fiercely protective of) said she was doing similar in 15 years time - she shook her head and was like absolutely not. I see your point mum.

So relieved! And sounds like this lad might be alright as well, maybe I'll warm to him. but god help him if he upsets my baby 😂

Thanks to those who were helpful and supportive.

Merry Christmas! 💕🥂

A million typos there but you get the gist!

That's a good outcome. Usually situations like this turn out fine because most people (even most men) aren't actually rapists and murderers. But I can understand while the situation is "live" someone would worry that their daughter might be the unlucky one.

How bitter.
You sound like a pair of school bullies.

The best part - she's just informed me that when she relayed the story to him of her "nightmare mum and auntie" who made her change the plan last minute, he only went and AGREED with me and her auntie that it's wise and safer to meet in a public place as a girl, saying "surely you can see their point though?". Oh the irony!

I like the lad already. Which let's face it is good news for him, no one wants to be on my shit list 😂😀

Also, does the 17 year old have such a close relationship with her Auntie because her Mum is now so focused on her nice, new little family? I think I would feel I had failed as a Mum if I had to rely on other adults to 'talk sense' into my own DD.

WOW. I missed this gem.

Since you ask, my eldest is so close to her auntie because she basically helped raise her from birth. My sister knows my daughter inside out as they've been thick as thieves for 17 years now. My youngest was born when my eldest was 14, so riddle me this..... how did my eldest bond so lovingly and closely with her auntie for 14 years in the absence of "my nice new little family"? She was a literal only child for 14 years. I'd love to hear your warped theory on that... Second thoughts, nah, not interested.

You'd feel you'd failed as mum if your child ever didn't listen to you, leading you in desperation to turn to another adult you know they will? Wowsers. You must have very, very exceptionally behaved and complaint children, to always - without exception - listen to you as their parent. I mean, I think you deserve a sparkly gold Christmas medal for that. Here you go: 🎖️

Stop responding. They're just after getting a rise out of you, some people love drama, they can't help themselves. Their lives are shit so everyone else's has to be too.

No parent in their right mind would have been ok with this, you did exactly right.

You sound like a lovely mum OP. Ignore the goady trolls. They’ve probably had too much to drink already. Glad your daughter is ok and it’s all sorted now.