People make an unnecessary fuss about Christmas

[mikado1]

Or maybe I'm not doing it right/doing enough?

I love Christmas and family traditions etc. But I can't quite understand the weeks of 'Are you all set?' and the general angst. Santa presents were organised here in November, decorations went up two weeks ago, ham and turkey ordered weeks ago. Chocs, biscuits, drinks added into weekly shop over the last few weeks. So now it's a case of getting in the fresh stuff and doing a regular weekend house clean. Granted, it's just immediate family here but even so, do people overdo the craziness/overwhelm maybe? I'm not sure what I'm missing. I'm going out for lunch with friends today and others have commented that they can't believe I have the time to do that this weekend. I did spend an hour in town yesterday getting the stocking bits - books, chocolate coins, trinkets etc. In and out with list. Done.

I think if you are already really busy that anything extra can push you over the edge. For example, if you have a child with lots of medical appointments, or additional needs, or elderly parents you are having to care for, or you are doing up your house, or have a long commute and lots of things you are juggling. When you are already stretched thin then anything else added to the do-list is stressful.

That sounds fab @Dutch1e and it's what we did when we had big family Christmases when I was growing up. Nobody was ever left to host the entire thing because none of us were so entitled as to think we didn't have to lift a finger!

Exactly! And you're right, it is fab. I look forward to seeing everyone instead of dreading all the work.

For me personally, the most stressful part is that the Dr surgery and pharmacies will be closed. My chronically ill child was prescribed new meds on Wednesday. It's taken until today for the prescription to get to the pharmacy and then the pharmacy didn't have it in. Neither did the other 3 pharmacies in our town. So tomorrow I'll be going round all the big pharmacies in the next town and hoping one of them has it in. If not I'm going to have to wait until someone orders it in and hope they can get it in before the new year bank holiday means everything is closed again. I am cooking for 18 people tomorrow but that's the easy bit!

. I agree about Christmas - people stress for the sake of it. Can’t afford loads of stuff? Don’t buy more than you can afford. Don’t like hosting? Don’t host.Difficult family members gonna kick off and guilt trip you if you don’t bow to their demands? Let them, not your problem. It really is simple if you only do what you want
I feel the same for you and think there seems to be increasing expectations on Christmas and endless pressure to make it so-called magical.

But I also think some people wear their busy-ness as a badge of honour. Whether they're praising themselves being done in October because December is so busy dontyaknow, or they've chosen to fill their diaries and take on dozens of additional "traditions" and think they're the first person to roast a turkey, it's draining to be around.

I don’t know one single man that gets Christmas stress.

Start early, buy bits and put them away, keep it simple and it all comes together like magic.

Ain't that the truth. It's only women who feel the need to go to all the trouble.

This may sound silly but I watched an episode of motherland recently where one of the characters Julia is always stressed, a new character Meg comes in and looks like she breezes through life. Julia asked her how she does it and Meg said something like "you just have to get shit done".

That kind of made me feel a bit better as I can often run around like a headless chicken and get stressed but now I just think well it's just got to be done, plan a bit better and go with it.

Like I said, probably silly 🙈.

@FreshWinterMorning our Christmas Eve dinner this year is being hosted by DH’s 58 year old single male cousin. About 26 people.

However we have an excellent sharing system and everyone will bring ready to go food and he only has to host every 5th year! But he still has to clean and decorate his house!

It sounds like you are perhaps more organized, not dealing with unexpected overtime at work, not dealing with health flare ups that sap your energy, or not dealing with time consuming issues involving your children. In theory it’s not that difficult to put up some decorations, bake some treats, and go for a walk to see some lights, but the rest of life doesn’t stop. Especially if you are healthy, you may not understand how a bit extra can make everything harder.

tldr: check your privilege

I sort of get it.
I like my Christmas quite low key.
One DD age 6, presents been ordered throughout December and now wrapped.
Bought my partner one but gift, bits for my parents. I told ILs we were only buying the for kids as it's get over the top. I went out with my friends rather than buying gifts.

As for the day;
My parents have a quiet day with my brother.
I've done a lot with DD the last few weeks (she even had a December birthday!) but one purposely kept the week after Christmas quiet.
I don't cook turkey, I'm a vegetarian (my excuse 🤣) but I help with the veg.
If we weren't hosting my MIL it would be a relaxed easy day.

I have friends who do Elf, Christmas Eve box ,out for something nearly every night and spend hundreds of pounds on their kids then worry they have nowhere to put it or are skint.
Theres no need to stress yourself into the ground. It's meant to be enjoyable for everyone. You've done well OP.

Maybe check your assumptions! I've soent ten years caring for elderly parents and have stood at three open graves in the last 5 months. I am crippled with grief. I have two primary aged DC and work ft. Not looking for a badge BTW, just my dressing gown for the holidays, but I had to respond to that!

Thanks, yes I'm probably low key too. I do CE boxes but not an awful lot extra to the day itself and I think that's why I wondered am I doing enough.

I have ADHD which means that I have complete time blindness and things only become required as in I can find the energy when they are urgent.

So every year I do my present shopping on the 23rd of December for Christmas when I have finished work as it's only then I have the mental energy to focus on the next few days.

I find Christmas an incredibly busy time of year with DC - party's, nativity, Christmas party's etc

I like my Christmas quite low key.

I do wonder if this is what makes the difference, because I'm very much like you and enjoy a low-key Christmas.

I see photos all over social media of groaning tables and families crammed into tiny houses and I just think it looks so stressful and loud and chaotic and like it would give me a headache, lol.

I hope you will get what you need and that you and your family have a lovely Christmas together.

No stress here but only have 1 DC. Christmas lunch will be just the 3 of us, so not entertaining for anyone.

Presents have been bought from the start of November, wrapped earlier this week. Got most the Xmas food delivered a few days ago and picked up the fresh bits today x

Yea agree. How hard is it to buy a few presents and maybe do a bigger than normal roast with a few extra bits? We had the tree up and decorated (which was fun) in a couple days.
Maybe a deeper house clean and overnight guests are a bit of a hassle. But it hardly requires weeks and weeks of planning (mind you I planned a wedding for 120 without much grief until the last couple days).

I would like Christmas if there was less of it; fewer Xmas lunches which happen "just because"; four so far. Although I loved Christmas as a child, this year, I've been all Christmassed out since early December. If I hear "Away in a Manger" again I'm going to go mad. Poor old Scrooge, sometimes I think he was misunderstood. It's the collectively insane self-destruction of Christmas: spend spend spend, eat eat eat, then spend January moaning that you've done both, with a massive emotional crash thrown in. Repeat repeat repeat every year.

My parents refused to get a Christmas tree or put decorations up until mid December, so that we would not get tired of it.

Oh I love holiday talk 🤣🙈

Same! 😆

Maybe suggest one of them hosts for a change? Go out to eat? Go on holiday and tell them you’re not available that Christmas? Why would that “piss them off”? Surely any reasonable person wouldn’t begrudge their parents treating themselves to a stress-free Christmas.

Absolutely this. I wonder sometimes how I missed the elements of female socialisation that are meant to make me care about hosting, cleaning, people-pleasing or Christmas because I really dgaf about any of the above!

Maybe suggest one of them hosts for a change? None of their houses are big enough
Go out to eat? Have you seen what that costs on Christmas Day?
Go on holiday and tell them you’re not available that Christmas? Because we don’t want to.

For the umpteenth time, finding something stressful isn’t the same thing as not wanting to do it.