People make an unnecessary fuss about Christmas

[mikado1]

Or maybe I'm not doing it right/doing enough?

I love Christmas and family traditions etc. But I can't quite understand the weeks of 'Are you all set?' and the general angst. Santa presents were organised here in November, decorations went up two weeks ago, ham and turkey ordered weeks ago. Chocs, biscuits, drinks added into weekly shop over the last few weeks. So now it's a case of getting in the fresh stuff and doing a regular weekend house clean. Granted, it's just immediate family here but even so, do people overdo the craziness/overwhelm maybe? I'm not sure what I'm missing. I'm going out for lunch with friends today and others have commented that they can't believe I have the time to do that this weekend. I did spend an hour in town yesterday getting the stocking bits - books, chocolate coins, trinkets etc. In and out with list. Done.

You're just one of the few forward planning organised people who can manage the workload. I'm not, tend to put it off till December then leg it around wondering what to get as the big day looms closer. So I have a few periods of stress but mainly because I've been too relaxed/head on the sand up till then enjoying the autumn.
You've clearly pre planned and spent the time up front getting sorted so you've done it without the stress.
You were probably the same with essay deadlines etc - forward planning.
Have to agree I can't see how you genuinely don't get this about other people - unless it is a humble brag lol

I don't blame you. It's the whole mindset around it. It seems to be a ridiculous fuss for something that to me seems pretty unimportant in the wider scheme of things. Of course people are entitled to view it differently but those of us who can't abide the fuss and hype can't escape from it. Roll on January.

I tend to agree with you but keep my opinions to myself ... people seem to love the competitive 'busyness'. I loathe the expression 'are you ready for Christmas?' ... I now just smile and nod but in the past I have said words to the effect 'it's 25th December every year, yes I am ready'.

Each to their own OP! I have never been 100% ‘done’ before Christmas Eve. I don’t make it into a big fuss either though.

I think asking "are you all set?" Is just a seasonal variation of talking about the weather or asking what you're doing at the weekend, though?

I mean, I'm not stressed (and I have young children and am hosting) but I'm still doing teeth sucking and saying "just about, just about" when asked because... that's what you do?

I think preparation is all TBH .Lots of women /mums stressed out anyway due to DC ,working ,life in general and costs as well. More workload ! Gets left and then panic sets in.There was a thread recently saying that someone had left their wrapping and had to do it all at once ,I have always wrapped as I have gone so to speak .I have time maybe everyone else doesnt

I love it and no angst. People need to take a look at themselves!!

vulnerable family members to pick up and cater for. People coming to stay so having to give up my bedroom and sleep on the sofa. Making the house look festive etc etc

Absolutely this

Congratulations on being so organised. I didn't have any money to do anything until Thursday and had to work right up til Friday leaving no working days before Xmas

yes its the annual bore.

Talk about Summer etc. Booked any holidays? Where do you fancy next year much better?

My MIL was like this in her last few years 80's+), she was whipped up into a "too much to do" tizzy for about 2 months and we dreaded visiting her as she would just shout and rant about having to get everything organised and that she "can't cope with Christmas "

Strangely she had nothing to organise, apart from posting a few cards, she didn't buy presents for anyone, just £20 cash for GC. Generally roped in a GC to write the cards out and she was home alone over the festive period as she refused all invites to join family, gave her something else to rant about to her friends in the NY.

I was literally here to start a thread called Aibu to think everyone just needs to chill out about christmas.

It's too much!

so far this month i put the tree up and decorated it on the 2nd December ( same tree for last five years) by last week the cats had wrecked it by breaking the base so now we are not having one,

i went to Iceland last week to get the turkey crown and desserts , went Aldi yesterday to get the rest of it, and went in home bargains to get the presents i don't faff around with wrapping them up i just get gift bags present in tag written done and the grandchildren get money

cant get stressed about one day of the year, and have prep and cooking down to a fine art on the day itself so i just pop in and out the kitchen to put things on, do the cold stuff and prep the veg the day before 8 at our house this year

Normally I would agree with you and be as organised as you describe, but this year we have been dealing with a family emergency since end of the summer that has resulted in a parent receiving palliative care and therefore a lot of change and normal routine is out the window. So we are entirely disorganised, everything feels very intense and I would have a cry but I have my kids around the majority of the time and am just trying so hard to make it still feel like Christmas to them. So even the usually calm and relaxed planners like us can find themselves in a very different predicament some years. Hope everyone's Christmas is filled with love and loved ones as that is the message anyway, blessings and love.

Thinking about my mum, and my family in general, she loves to make a fuss and occasion of things. Birthdays, Easter, pancake day, anything. She always has since I was little. This means she now is up to a ridiculous number of stockings (she likes doing them) and so much extra gets bought because it brings her joy for everyone to have what they want to make it feel like Christmas.

If you’re not a “making a fuss” family like my ILs, it is less of a big deal. You just do a bit of extra cooking and buy a few presents.

Neither way is wrong but I have become like my mother and always try far too hard to be the hostess with the mistress and stress myself out. We aren’t even hosting this year but I got my knickers in a twist making sure I put enough of the treats my DH likes in the Xmas shop and then drove him nuts with questions like “are you sure you have enough pate?” And “I’ll try and leave you some Parma ham after I’ve made the charcuterie tree for your mum”.

The charcuterie tree is a prime example, I offered to bring something for MIL, she wouldn’t care if I turned up with packets of unopened cheese but I am making it stressful for myself recreating an instagram tree of deli meats.

Some people (maybe most?) don’t have the money to do everything way ahead of time. They’re scrimping and saving to try and get it together.

Some people (me this year) have family members with health problems, so a lot of what would normally be “free” days have been spent running around to doctors or sitting in hospitals. So here I am with one day left to try and pull it all together (it’s now mostly done, but it’s been a struggle).

So your post does sound like a bit of a humble brag to be honest.

Please be kind as everyone has different circumstances.

I'm with you OP. Some people seem to enjoy making it into a massive drama - it's almost like it's not Christmas without days off stress and panic beforehand.

I love Christmas but I'm sure if I posted about our day on here, I'd be told it was boring, dull or unimaginative. Yet it never leaves us stressed or exhausted or arguing because we've tried to cram absolutely everything into 24 hours!

My problem is I just didn’t start early enough. Work has just been so busy for dh and I that I haven’t really had the headspace to think about Christmas as early as I would have liked. I really need to start earlier next year.

Totally agree

Not hosting this year but I have in previous years.

Not a natural cook, having guests really stresses me out at the best of times, so having family members stay and cooking christmas dinner for them is the most stressful thing....add in any family relationship drama, plus the background of financial problems and working up into christmas eve it can be very difficult.
Christmas also antagonises any existing feelings of grief/depression that people may have and can be really hard for those trying to conceive, with eating disorders, ill relatives....the list is endless.

Yes, I think this is probably it, and this is really what I was wondering. Mine probably is boring for many. We don't eat paté or have 15 people, all of which sounds amazing but it's just not Christmas here. Regarding finances, space etc, the people I'm referring to don't have these issues or I'd have obviously got it. I myself was heavily involved in caring for the last ten years and now have a first Christmas without those people so a humble brag it's definitely not but I can't control what people read into things. Anyway i hope everyone gets themselves sorted and has a lovely day/days. I'll be prioritising the meal itself and my dressing gown :)

what you’re describing actually amounts to a lot of work! It’s great you take it in your stride but don’t do yourself down. You’re adding a lot of labour and mental effort and deserve recognition for it.

I honestly hate being asked 'are you all ready?'. Have 2 DC and admit I'm probably quite organised - anything that needs done is sorted, booked or organised in good time. I also don't do as much as others I think. Young DC but never subscribed to Elf's on Shelves or Xmas Eve boxes etc.

That's a really lovely way to look at it!

I’ve noticed recently a trend for people discussing Christmas as though they’re going into battle… “are you all set?” “Are you fully prepared?” “How are you feeling about The Big Day?” (All accompanied by furrowed brow / anxious expressions / jittery laughs)……

Since when was Advent supposed to be a time of nervous preparation for war?! Adverts help to drive this home: from 1st November trying to get us to stock-pile their wares “in preparation”, with wildly premature scenes of hapless dads in Santa hats chasing after the last turkey, or harried mums with a million to-do lists…. pressure pressure buy buy!!!!

This whole “are you ready for The Big Day” bullshit is just plain bonkers…. It’s a sentence which used to be asked to brides on the nervous run-up to the wedding (ie: an ACTUAL Big Day)…. Describing Christmas as ‘The Big Day’ is a v new thing in my eyes, and overloads the day with pressure (whilst spectacularly missing the point that the whole thing - Advent, Christmas time, New Year, 12th night etc - is all part of Christmas Time).

This whole new vibe is insane, tedious & obscene. 🙄 😤 😠