People make an unnecessary fuss about Christmas

[mikado1]

Or maybe I'm not doing it right/doing enough?

I love Christmas and family traditions etc. But I can't quite understand the weeks of 'Are you all set?' and the general angst. Santa presents were organised here in November, decorations went up two weeks ago, ham and turkey ordered weeks ago. Chocs, biscuits, drinks added into weekly shop over the last few weeks. So now it's a case of getting in the fresh stuff and doing a regular weekend house clean. Granted, it's just immediate family here but even so, do people overdo the craziness/overwhelm maybe? I'm not sure what I'm missing. I'm going out for lunch with friends today and others have commented that they can't believe I have the time to do that this weekend. I did spend an hour in town yesterday getting the stocking bits - books, chocolate coins, trinkets etc. In and out with list. Done.

It certainly is

I think a lot of the "are you all set?" is people just making conversation.

I think some people have lives that are undemanding to the point of boredom and actually enjoy having something to be 'stressed' about.

It felt very stressful when kids were in their first primary school - it was weeks of hype and three different shows and church services and orchestra concerts and then multiple dress up days and then parties needing food/stuff for outside school groups - and then two grandparent visits so one entire weekend and one different Saturday gone. Probably didn't help many of those years DH worked away in week as well.

Got so much easier older they've got as so much less extra stuff to sort round - and evening and weekends getting used up - plus online shopping also I think helps.

Here are some ideas why others might find it stressful:

‘I love Christmas and family traditions etc. But I can't quite understand the weeks of 'Are you all set?' and the general angst’. You don’t understand? I am sorry. Perhaps this thread will help you.

‘Santa presents were organised here in November’ Not everyone has storage space. Small flats, new builds. Gifts can really cause clutter.

‘decorations went up two weeks ago’. This can take time and money.

‘ham and turkey ordered weeks ago’ Not everyone can order from expensive local places. If you have limited freezer space you can’t shop for these early.

‘Chocs, biscuits, drinks added into weekly shop over the last few weeks’ Again OP, storage.

‘So now it's a case of getting in the fresh stuff and doing a regular weekend house clean’ For some with guests, it’s not a ‘regular clean’. People may have small houses and have to move the kids into their bedroom to make room for in-laws, repurpose space, find storage etc. Which takes time and energy.

‘Granted, it's just immediate family here but even so, do people overdo the craziness/overwhelm maybe?’ Having guests makes a massive difference. Massive. Immediate family, just you and the kids is potentially a walk in the park.

‘I'm not sure what I'm missing. I'm going out for lunch with friends today and others have commented that they can't believe I have the time to do that this weekend’. Well those friends you met, clearly had time for lunch with you too so you are not that special. I have met two friends this morning too. It depends on other logistics being simple, which in my case it is.

‘I did spend an hour in town yesterday getting the stocking bits - books, chocolate coins, trinkets etc. In and out with list. Done’. What about people who worked all day yesterday? They could not have managed that.

Add in working full-time in a stressful job, kids with special needs, travelling round the country, single parenting etc and I can see why others find it difficult at this time of year.

The wide-eyed faux innocent, ‘am I getting it all wrong?’ is quite irritating to read.

I can imagine why certain things are stressful eg hosting many people for several days, but I don't understand and can't imagine why people do this stuff if they hate it and it's so stressful.

Time, energy and money make a huge difference.
I, like a lot of people, will be working right up to Christmas day, so time and energy are already limited and I haven't had the funds to add extras to the weekly shops, which means it all has to be done last minute.

I dream of having a stress free/organised Christmas but it hasn't happened yet!

This

I love Christmas but only because once the tree is up on the first weekend I'm ready for it.
I only have adults to buy for so I've already got the presents and I order Christmas food for collection from M&S.
I love spending December doing Christmas things rather than planning Christmas.
I also like to take my tree down on Boxing Day as I've had enough by then 🤣

Here is a random example. Imagine say having an elderly parent who you don’t feel you can leave home alone for Xmas. You have to drive and pick them up, look after them and their needs, and then take them back home after a stressful couple of days. Don’t underestimate the drain of social obligations for some.

Everyone does things differently. I don't really start Xmas shopping until late Nov, but its much scaled back which makes things easier.
I don't get the ordering the turkey thing. I just feel its easier to get it nearer the time when you know numbers of meat eaters. We never have huge gatherings. 5 on Xmas day, 4 meat eaters.

In the past I've hosted 3 x Xmas dinners in one week. That was too much and I've not done it again.

The stress really is which relative comes on which day/s.

It depends on your situation. I am stressed anyway so the addition of Christmas makes it more difficult. I have 5 dc, 2 of whom don't sleep and 2 are teenagers who go to bed after 10pm so I'm very limited in the time I can wrap stuff. I've got 18 people to cook dinner for tomorrow and I'm trying to negotiate when we go to visit different people without anyone getting huffy.

YANBU. I think it's bonkers to stress at Christmas. As you say, most of the food can be bought and stuck in a 'Christmas cupboard' weeks beforehand (think Derry Girls - those mums had it sussed). And wtf is the point of cleaning a house/kitchen on Christmas Eve? That's what the 27 December is for.

This is why people mock MN for the privileged attitude of many. Many people won’t have space for a dedicated ‘Christmas cupboard’ for weeks before.

'The wide-eyed faux innocent, ‘am I getting it all wrong?’ is quite irritating to read.'

Quite.
It shouldn't take much imagination to see that for some people it can be a stressful period. Overnight guests. Travel. Difficult relationships. Expense.

If you don’t cook anything fresh then it is easy. Home made mince pies, cranberry sauce and Yule log here.

'Privileged', to have a cupboard ? I live in a council house! (as did Ma Mary, I believe).

I think tighter finances play a role in ramping up the stress and time-consuming aspect. I have spent a lot more time on choosing and buying things this year because I can't just spend an hour in town "picking up the stocking fillers" I am buying some second hand, some through FB groups, some I'm bidding on online, some I'm looking at different versions and comparing prices etc. Same goes for the food and craft stuff and activities - the less money I have to play with, the more time it takes to make choices, and I have lists all over the place and am constantly adding up sums and recalculating budgets. I love Christmas, but I don't share your serenity, especially this year.

But again, it's all about the attitude.

If your home is small enough that storage space is very limited, you're unlikely to be hosting tens of people.

So you're not likely to need to buy an awful lot in terms of volume.

Boxes of chocolates / biscuits can go under beds, in wardrobes, on bookshelves. This year I had a box of after eight mints wedged in my underwear drawer.

(Before I get accused of privilege, I would point out I live in a house share. The sum total of my food storage space is one cupboard, half a small fridge, and one freezer drawer. I still managed to buy and store presents and food to take with me for a few weeks without fuss).

Council houses often have more storage (and space) than a new build flat.

I wonder if there's something I'm missing.

The awareness that some people don't have the ability or finances to be that organised.

The understanding that some people have shit families who expect them to bend over backwards for them with no appreciation. But if you don't do it they will make your life miserable.

How many are you hosting at yours on Christmas Day?

This. Above.
I can afford extra but have no space to store extra food or drinks.
If its just immediate family on the day then you have less stuff to buy.
Some people are less organised and you sound quite methodical. So you probably don't get as stressed.
In terms of having time for lunch out, I like to do things like baking and art with my primary school aged dc, so this takes up some of my time. But I enjoy it. We are also involved in things so have had a Christmas concert this week and busking for charity tomorrow.